Romance in Marriage Begins in the Mind

glitter-graphics.com

I've been married for over 20 years. My husband and I recently returned from our ninth stay in Puerto Vallarta. Our trips together to Mexico never fail to ignite our romance. Here is an article I found on keeping the romance in your marriage.


Romance in Marriage Begins in the Mind

The most powerful romance doesn't begin with physical action, but rather with mental contemplation and expectation. It starts with a simple idea or fantasy that develops into closer intimacy between two connected partners. Having a satisfying romantic relationship with your husband or wife takes some thought and leg work, but it doesn't have to be burdensome. In reality, becoming a romantic person can be fun, exciting and fulfilling for you and your spouse.

And if you're truly committed to making it work, romance will become second nature for you. All you need is:

+ a willing heart to invest the time,

+ access to a computer,

+ and maybe a little creativity.

If you're a little skeptical, don't worry, I started with only one of the three too. Here are three keys that have worked for my husband and me.

1. Romance of the mind begins when the sun comes up, not after it goes down. If you want have a successful romance with your husband or wife, start the day thinking about what your partner likes or wants most. Maybe it's a specific request, a deed, or a special gift. Doesn't have to be fancy, but it does need to be relevant to your relationship. Drop hints throughout the day to build expectancy. Some suggestions are short and sweet (or sexy) notes, photos, or voice/text messages. The idea is to show that you're listening, to give your honey a sense of desirability and to build up his/her receptiveness for affection. (Notice I did not say sex per se.)

2. Romance of the mind is ritualistic, not boring or repetitive, but endearing. I recently read an article about couples who love having fun with each other. The one thing that they all had in common was that they had certain rituals that they enjoyed doing together. When you have a certain ritual that you and your partner share, it gives you something to look forward to throughout the day, week, month or year.

Something my husband and I do to wind down our day is chat over tea, coffee, or chocolate (in the winter) and smoothies (in the summer). Sometimes we have music in the background, sometimes not. Sometimes it leads to more, sometimes not. But this practice has gotten us through some tough times spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and even professionally.

3. Romance of the mind is well-planned but has a feeling of spontaneity. One of the movies that I truly enjoyed this year was Hitch. He had a way of making romance look easy, but he wasn't perfect. He planned, but he wasn't rigid. And when his plans fell apart, he could go with the flow. If only we all could be so talented. I'll let you in on a little secret: the good news is that we can.
Just plan around what you and your wife or husband like doing. If you like elaborate evenings for two, go for it. If you love to travel, there are plenty of romantic places to see. If you like staying home and playing board games-- there are plenty of nice (and some naughty) ones out there. Just plan and see where you'll end up.

When we lived in Brooklyn, my husband and I used to plan walking dates in Prospect Park (the Central Park of Brooklyn) or near the water along lower Manhattan. We'd have our meeting time and place, but no specific agenda in mind. Sometimes we heard musicians. Sometimes we just enjoyed nature. One time we even had an unexpected fireworks show. It was spectacular against the purple glow cast on the water. I was certain that he knew about it. He denies it to this day.

Hope this post inspires you to make an effort and draws you closer to your spouse.

Keishia Lee-Louis' work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other publications. Currently, she is writing a book on marriage and relationships(Spring 2006). If you'd like to see more of her work, visit http://married4good.blogspot.com

Just Because

This is from Ask Uncle Terry (re-posted with permission of the author and the website owner):

I was wondering how many do this: Over the last few years, I have started
trying to give my girl just a little something every now and then, it can be a
card or a rose or anything, usually when things are not going all that well, or
when she is having an extra bad week. She really eats that up, and I score super
points too!!! Anyone here do this?

The fact of the matter is many guys forget to pay attention to things like their girlfriends or wives moods and when they stop paying attention to these things, sexual desire often falls to the wayside. If women don't feel like they are being taken care of emotionally then they feel that intimacy is lacking and their desire decreases for sexual activities. Of course, this doesn't apply to all women - but to a large percentage it does.

Women need to know that when their guy is out about doing his daily things - working, shopping, going to the gym - she is still on his mind, even if not at the forefront. Giving little gifts, love notes, ordering out for dinner on those days when neither of you can handle the kitchen - those little things aren't so little. They mean a lot and they add up. Short on cash? Give her a back rub and expect absolutely nothing in return. Do that one thing that she's been putting off like organizing the junk drawer when she's out grocery shopping. Arrange for the kids to spend the night at friend's or family's houses so she can have a quiet night of watching movies or whatever she likes to do when she has child-free time.

These little things that mean a lot usually require very little on your part - a little thought and a little insight as to what means something to her. The rewards are huge - she'll feel great about you and you're quite likely to get some postive attention in return.

** Ladies - don't forget that this works the other way around, too. Guys might not be looking for love letters and flowers but an undisturbed Saturday afternoon of tinkering with the car or an evening of fantasy baseball with the guys certainly can't hurt!

Posted by Autumn of Inky Blue Allusions.

13 Ways To Use What You Have To Build Intimacy

Often in relationships, we feel we're stuck in a rut or otherwise complain our love lives have lost their luster and we turn to date nights or other expensive outings when what we really should be doing is stop the distractions and focus on each other. Now the holidays have mostly passed, we tend to stay inside & this makes it an excellent time to concentrate on building intimacy in our relationships. Here are thirteen ways to use what we have to build intimacy and rekindle the passion in our relationships: 1 Spend time talking & listening to each other. Having a real conversation brings back that joy of discovery you once had. To some, this sounds too simple; but to this I say, "It's often the simplest things which are the best." To others having a conversation seems impossible. What could you possibly talk about? Avoid potentially threatening topics (you know, the ones that get you arguing) and return to the kinds of things you once talked about until the sun came up... Possibilities include: If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? If you had a clone, what would you make it do so you could have free time? Who was your best friend when you were 8? When you were 13? If you could travel anywhere, where would it be & why? Would you hate loosing your sight or hearing most? What's your favorite musical? Nature or nurture? What's your favorite/least favorite commercial? What magazine have you always wanted a subscription to but forget about? 2 Put on that lingerie, dress, sweater or other outfit he gave you as a gift (this year, or ages ago). Men, you too; put put on that tie, tee or whatever she gave you. Not only does this let your lover know you appreciate it, but fulfills their fantasies of seeing you in it. 3 Read ~ together. Create a book club for two by talking about a book (or 10). You need not have two copies as each of you can take turns reading in your spare time, but agree that over the weekend or on Wednesday night, you'll talk about the book together. 4 Read ~ out loud. Be it a poem, a dirty story, or something from the newspaper funnies, read out loud to your lover what you love or what you think your partner will enjoy. (Women love to be read aloud to; and men may find this more fun than they thought if the subject matter is selected properly ~ or improperly! *wink*) 5 Cook a meal together. Open the cookbook, and make a new dish together. (OK, this may require a visit to the grocery store; but you'll have to get food at some point anyway...) 6 Turn off that TV and play a game. 7 If you must watch TV or a movie, remember to reach for & hold your partner's hand. 8 Write holiday 'thank you' cards together. Not only are you spending time together, but being grateful for your family & friends reminds you of the life you've built together. Your family & friends sure will appreciate it too. 9 Pamper your partner. Give her a pedicure; him a massage. Hand him the remote & sit topless at his feet. (And vice-versa are options too!) Do it 'just because', without any expectations, and with a smile. 10 Write love notes and place them where your partner is sure to find them. Don't just say, "I love you," tell them why you love them. 11 Write playful love notes & leave a trail of them, like a scavenger hunt. Start with one note where your partner is sure to find it ~ have part of it be a riddle or clue to where the next note is. When they follow all the clues and find all the notes, give them a reward. The reward can be as simple as a foot rub, as sexy as a oral sex, or as silly as a pudding cup; the point is to have fun! 12 Dress up, but stay home. Ladies, put on that fancy dress, those high heels, your makeup & special occasion perfume. Men, put on that shirt and tie and your cologne too. Light the candles, enjoy cocktails and dance together. Primping for one another makes both you both feel special ~ and sexy. 13 Do the Sunday crossword puzzle together in bed or at the breakfast table together. Alternately, if crosswords aren't your thing, get a bowl of strawberries (maybe some Cool Whip, just in case *wink*) and pour over a few magazines together and mock celebrities or ads. So go ahead, give these a try ~ maybe you'll skip cabin fever and want to stay home with each other all the time! *wink*

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Finding Time For Romance

Finding time for romance is never easy when life gets in the way. Let's face it - ther are about a zillion things to distract us. It might be our jobs, the kids, the neighbors, a friend in needs, parents demanding our attention, our favorite television show, a hobby - the list can go on forever.

But when it comes right down to it, we have to make a choice to find time for romance. It doesn't have to be a full out, two hour long love making sessions. Romance can fit into little spots during the day and if you are consistent, when two hours are available those love making sessions are that more enjoyable.

Ways to fit romance into a hectic day:

~ Sit down with your partner for just five minutes and REALLY listen to them; hold their hand or touch them as you do so.
~ Write them a note before you leave the house and leave it somewhere where they will find it - doesn't have to be sexy or naughty; a simple "I Love You" will do the trick.
~ Remind the of something special from your past like the smell of the flowers in your honeymoon suite or that dress she wore when you went to that backyard barbeque before you got married. Your partner will know that you remember and are thinking about them.
~ Give them a five minute back rub when the most need it.
~ Touch often - a caress, a hug, fingers running through the hair; all of these are appreciated, even more so when you aren't specifically looking to get some!
~ Rent the movie you know your partner REALLY wants to see.
~ Run out at midnight to get that special thing they are craving - chocolate, Pepsi, whatever.

And most of all, remember that this applies to the guys AND the girls! Romance isn't gender specific.

"If you jump into bed on a first date, it's already over" and other Myths

People have a lot of preconceived misperceptions about love. But it is important to remember that there are no universal truths to love - only your truths. What happened to you is your truth and you will remember it until the day you die. And you will likely live by it as well. However, to your best friend, or the guy in the apartment next door, or the lady behind the counter at the corner store - your truth may not apply. In fact, it likely doesn't.

For example, take the whole idea of "love at first sight." Some swear by it. Others think it is a myth. For some it will always be a myth and they'll never experience the joys and the pains of love at first sight. Recently, there was an article at Romance Tracker called, "Love at First Sight - 3 Ways to Know It's Real." The three ways they gave as a sure fire way of knowing it was love at first site were: you don't want to rush things (physically), you see things in them that others don't, and you want to learn everything you can about them. Hmmm.

First, I'd like to say that just because you want to get intimate right away doesn't decrease the quality of love you have. I will admit that some people have sex and equate it with love and that does decrease their chances of building a solid relationship. But everyone is different. My husband and I have been intimate since our second date and I don't think that hurt us at all. Mind you, we do a lot of talking, laughing, and other non-physical intimate things together as well, so sex is not the mainstay of our relationship. I'd say if sex becomes the only reason for getting together then love is likely not what you're looking at. But just because you have sex doesn't mean that you're love (at first site or otherwise) is not real.

Now, the second point - you see things in them that others don't. That can be a good thing. I think I see a lot in my husband that others don't see and that is part of what makes us a great couple. I can also get past a lot of things that others might not be able to (anxiety/panic disorder is not an easy condition to live with for either party) and that makes us good for each other. But sometimes seeing things that others don't see can mean that you aren't seeing the things that others see.

If you see that he or she is an incredibly sensitive person with a great love for animals, that's great. But it's not so great if you focus on only that and refuse to see that he or she also has severe control issues that are going to impact your relationship in the future. Seeing good things about your partner is good. Making those the main focus and putting other things that are potentially dangerous are not.

Finally, you want to learn everything you can about them? Well, that almost sound kind of junior high to me. Of course, you want to learn about them. But it's important to remember that everyone has some secrets, everyone will have things that want to keep to themselves until they are ready to share, and if you are really in love you will respect that.

The bottom line is that every one's experiences with love - at first site, long standing, whatever type of love you think you are in - is conditional. It is based on your previous experiences, your morals, the norms of your society, and multitudes of other factors.

Love is what you make it to be. Don't expect yourself to fit into others definitions.

Simple Steps for Dating Online

My friend Mary met a man on the Internet. It was quite a number of years ago. Today, Mary is married to the man she met. Before, we may have looked at her funny for meeting someone on the Net, but today, Internet dating is no big deal.

In my own adult life I've always had a husband, but as a bisexual woman, the Internet has served as a place for me to meet other women. In fact, the last relationship I had with a woman came about via MySpace.

I'm extremely busy these days with Iridescence and other things, so I have been looking for free articles that are perfect for the Blushing Ladies Journal, and here is one on tips for dating online.



Simple Steps for Dating Online
by John

Dating on the Internet has become tremendously popular for adult singles all over the world. The reason is very simple. The Internet offers extensive reach as communication is electric fast and economical. It is a virtual space, which provides anonymity and a common platform reachable for all. A dating club on land in a remote part of the globe is out of reach for all except the local elites, but a dating club on the net is accessible for all.

I am sure this requires no explanation to those familiar with cyber space or the Net. You just get online, enter the site, register your photo and personals, and bingo, you are in a community of members from all over the world.

Dating on Internet seems easy and fun. However, a newbie into dating online may end up mired in confusion and dismal failures. This is due to a lack of understanding about the media. As given with any medium or interface, there are always etiquette and norms that govern, and if you fail to follow these, you are in a soup!

First step is to get familiar with the dating scenario on the net, i.e. get familiar with the plethora of dating sites or matchmaking services. You have to judge what is good for you, for all that a dating site promises it may not deliver.

Judge a dating site form its history, i.e. how long it has been on the Net. Is it a stable service provider or is it going to vanish over night? Know about the providers. Read news and reviews on dating sites. Catch the word of mouth from its existing users and your friends. See the site's page rank and its positioning on S.E.R.P. Getting feedbacks is not so difficult.

Wrong sites will have inactive personals and will sell your personal information, including email, and even hack your credit card. (Read between the lines in agreement while signing).

Judge a site from what it offers as to whether the locale and personals fit your profile. Is it a site for gays, lesbians or seniors? Whatever your need is choose the site accordingly.

Do not be lured by free services. These are the ones who will bundle out sooner or later due to financial failures. Best services are those which allow free registration and ask payment for advance functions like messaging, online chat, and webcams, etc. In these sites, you have a chance to surf the site and become aware of its status and quality of service before subscribing.

Always register with your username and profile visible, but your real name and contact details: emails, address and phone numbers are to be disclosed only to the person whom you have come to trust and plan to meet for furthering your relationship.

Last but not least read articles on dating, and if possible join a related forum.

Happy Dating!


I am a freelance writer and journalist published by many free online dating articles related to single dating relationship, tips for dating services and free dating sites

Article Source: ArticleRich.com


Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. (Jolie will be on vacation July 27 - August 5, but will return to blogging on August 12.)

"Thank You"

Saying "thank you" is one of the things that people often forget to say. In fact, I think that when someone does say "thank you" it's more shocking than if they didn't! And that's pretty sad when you think about it.

What about in your relationship? When was the last time you thanked your partner for something you appreciated? When was the last time you thanked your partner for the little things he or she does that they don't even know mean something to you?

Saying "thank you" can increase your romance in your relationship because the more they know they are appreciated the more they will go out of their way to do those little things that make you happy. It's kind of along the theory of the more you scratch the more it itches, but in a positive way. If you say "thank you", they know that they're noticed and that their efforts don't go unseen.

There are many ways to say "thank you" besides actually saying it as well. You could:

~ put a sweet note in their lunch box, briefcase, or purse when they go to work.
~ buy them a special little gift with a note attached.
~ make them a dinner with a card set next to their plate.
~ give them a massage as you tell them how much you appreciated the nap you got to have before dinner.
~ buy them tickets for a concert
~ send them to the golf course with their buddies.
~ send them an sweet text message when they are least expecting it.

The ways to say "thank you" or to show your thanks are infinite. And the wonderful thing is that by leading by example they are more likely to show their thanks to you in return for the things you do that are appreciated.

Let's bring back the "thank you"s in our lives by starting a new trend. Thank your partner for something everyday. Then wait and see if it doesn't come back to you ten-fold!

One For The Guys

7 Tricks for Lasting Longer in Bed. A Crash Course in Sexual Stamina

My extensive experiences with tantric yoga, ancient sexuality practices, and contemporary western therapeutic paradigms have exposed me to many 'tricks-of-the-trade' when it comes to coming.

In this article I'll attempt to distill some of this simple but powerful wisdom. Hopefully men seeking to improve their sexual stamina, or even just to educate themselves sexually, can begin to use this as a roadmap for their quest. And a very worthy quest it is too, (speaking as a woman).

If there is one thing I cannot resist it is a man who is dedicated to learning more about his body and sexuality in general.

I know I speak for a lot of other women when I say that the most important quality in a lover is a commitment to improving the quality of his, and his partner's, sexual experiences.

THE TRICKS TO LASTING LONGER

1. Relax and increase your body awareness.

There are very many techniques out there to help you relax and be more able to 'feel' your body. As a yoga practitioner I have experience with very many powerful relaxation, meditation and breathing techniques.

Perhaps the simplest one is just paying attention to your breathing during sex. Not controlling it, just noticing it.

Masters and Johnson also developed a technique known as "sensate focus exercises" which I use extensively in my practice as sexual surrogate therapist and sex 'coach'.

2. Focus on pleasure in sex, rather than sexual performance.

Let go of any expectations about the outcome of sex. Going into a sexual experience with a 'plan' robs you of any ability to be open minded.

You cannot learn from sex if you are focused on how it should look.

Instead, notice the pleasure as it is happening. The pleasure will show you what is good. It is the ultimate teacher when it comes to sex.

3. Increase awareness of your sexual arousal.

Again, open your awareness to your feelings of pleasure and pay close attention to your arousal levels. Awareness is the first step to understanding; which is itself a step towards mastery.

Focus on your pleasure during sex, during masturbation, or even the subtle pleasure you experience when a gorgeous woman gets on the bus.

4. Extend your sexual arousal to higher levels.

There are many techniques you can learn to extend your pleasure. As you become more aware of your sexual arousal a natural increase in your arousal level is inevitable.

This will happen because you will become familiar and comfortable with your pleasure, and your body will propel you to greater heights naturally.

Be sure to practice sex and pleasure often, so your body can keep teaching you.

5. Master your sexual arousal consistently at higher levels.

As your sexual pleasure naturally increases with more practice, you will begin to 'play' with it.

Manipulate your breathing patterns, sexual energy field and subtle internal sensations, to the point that you can begin to feel mastery over them.

Again, ancient wisdom, sex manuals and other people's experiences are full of eye opening possibilities.

6. Become accustomed to a steady level of intense arousal.

Get into the habit of building your sexual pleasure and indulging in it fully. Let the moments you feel pleasure expand.

Let the arousal continue as if it didn't need to end ever. It will of course, but you don't care when ... just let it happen.

7. Stop thinking.

Drop your conscious mind out of the picture. Investigate or experiment with techniques to get your internal dialogue to shut up.

Experience all of this intense and joyous pleasure, not in your head, not by thinking about it ... but in your body. Feel it!

THE KEY is connecting more deeply to your own sensations and feelings.

Here's a bonus tricky tip for you. It's also the most important one.

8. Remember your own commitment to learn and grow.. . it all comes back to you.

By the way, if some of these tricks seem to be a bit of a tease it's because they are. Each one could be the subject of several very in depth articles or sexuality workshops.

I want you to take the time to ponder these tricks and look further. I wish you well on your adventures and I wish you very much pleasure.

Love,
Mukee

Mukee Okan is an artist mother yogic practitioner and instructor sexual surrogate partner therapist and sacred sexuality teacher. Originally from Australia Mukee has trained and participated in many arenas of life experience. Her training in sacred sexuality has encompassed three complementary streams: the yogic stream, the shamanic stream, and the western medical model of surrogate partner therapy. She continues to explore other traditions and arenas in sacred sexuality.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance. She hopes that you enjoyed this article by Mukee Okan.

Article provided by ArticleWorld.net.

Love and Marriage

Hi all. I know, I haven't been here nearly often enough lately but I just had to share this with all of you. Check out this link to one of my other blogs. My husband wrote the and would like to share it as well. It is simply the most genuine, romantic thing you will ever read!

Between the Sheets - Love and Marriage - a Love Letter

In the mood for a good, romantic comedy?

In the mood for a good, romantic comedy?
Inside Jolie's Head - 6/17/2007


I love a well done romantic comedy. Maybe it's a chick thing, but a good love story is always satisfying.

Here are ten that I recommend:



Continental Divide (1981 - M/F)



When Harry Met Sally (1989 - M/F)



Desert Hearts (1985 - F/F)



Love Jones (1997 - M/F, African American)



Manhattan (1979 - M/F)



Something's Gotta Give (2003 - M/F)



Frankie and Johnny (1991 - M/F)



The Wedding Singer (1998 - M/F)



The Goodbye Girl (1977 - M/F)



Elizabethtown (2005 - M/F)


Jolie du Pre is a writer of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.

Music for 6/17/2007 blogging - New Order

Bisexual Married Women Essays

Bisexual Married Women Essays
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/28/2007

Bisexual married women are everywhere. Here is another essay:



ESSAY NO. 3 - THE LIFE OF A MARRIED BISEXUAL WOMAN

by Staci Parry

Staci's MySpace


Secrets. Lies. Deceptions. These are adjectives that aptly describe the life of a woman who is married to a man but wants or is sleeping with another woman. At least this is my personal experience & since I am by no means unique, I am not alone.

My life has evolved from a state of marital bliss; of loving only the man I married to finding that there is no way that I can love him only. I didn't wrestle with myself the first time I found myself attracted to and then fell in love with another woman. Initially I simply just accepted me. But I wasn't confident about how well others, namely my husband, would accept this new found knowledge. So here the secrets begin. I kept away from him how much I spoke with this girl. How much I wanted to be with this girl. Kept away from him the reasons that our love life had taken a severe nose dive.

I stated that I am not unique but I believe that the life I currently live as a bisexual married woman is. My husband & I have a very special relationship. He knows EXACTLY who I am & what I want & need. His astuteness astounds me sometimes. When we are together, & you are on the outside looking in, the separateness that exists in our lives is invisible. We love & respect one another & are each others' best friend. The simple truth though is that I have wants, needs & desires that have absolutely nothing to do with him thus causing our eminent breakup. He needs a wife who will love only him & he doesn't have that in me any longer.

I love women & the woman that I'm loving knows that. Although ultimately what I want is a girlfriend, someone who has my back & knows that I have hers, but the fact that I am married, seems to be some kind of a deterrent for single women & married women or women who are hooked up just want to have sex and what I've learned about me is that I don't want just sex. I need to feel that the woman I'm loving cares for ME.

When I look to the future, my future, it's difficult to see myself still being a married woman. I'd like to say I actually see someone there, a specific someone, but I don't.

My experience with either lesbian or bisexual women has been interesting to say the least. Most of us, no matter what the age, have no real clue about what we want. We say one thing but actually mean something else. The secrets, lies & deceptions don't end with the men.

END

This marks the end of essays by bisexual married women. I hope that you have enjoyed reading them.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her first anthology, Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, is now in print . Order Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica today.

Music for 5/28/2007 blogging - Jewel

Bisexual Married Women Essays

Bisexual Married Women Essays
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/20/2007

Bisexual married women are everywhere. Here are two essays:

Essay No. 1 - By Anonymous

Gender is Irrelevant

I'm 33 year-old bisexual woman. I'll admit it - it irks me when people, upon discovering that I am bisexual but married to a man, immediately dismiss me as 'experimenting' or 'bi-curious' or worse, 'unable to make up my mind.' It's usually women, sadly usually lesbian women, that I get this attitude from, as though I'm betraying the sisterhood because I like women but sleep with a man.

This is the deal - I've been attracted to both men and women since puberty. In fact I tended to fantasize more about women than men, and have had more crushes and more intimate encounters with women than with men. To me, it's always been about the person, not the packaging. Gender is irrelevant, and the best sex I've ever had was with someone I loved. I've only ever been truly, madly, deeply in love with one person. So I married him, even though he had a penis. We've been together seven years now and I've never regretted it once.

My husband is heterosexual but kinky (like me). He had no problems with the woman friend I was involved with when we met, and I know he'd be fine if I wanted to have a woman over for 'friendly' sex now (as long as he could watch.) But you know what? I don't *want* anybody else. It's him I'm in love with, frankly no one can hold a candle to him. It's just the way it is.

If my husband had been female I'd be a bisexual woman in a committed lesbian relationship. It so happens he's a guy, so I'm lucky enough to reap the benefits marriage brings. If this was a sane country marriage would be defined as a 'committed relationship between people who are in love', regardless of gender. I'll vote for gay marriage rights every time it comes up on the ballot and I fervently hope that it happens in my lifetime, but until then? I'm not betraying the sisterhood, I didn't take the easy way out. I fell in love and got married, end of story. That's all there is to it.

END

Essay No 2. - By LZ

I am a bisexual married woman. I have had female lovers off and on for more than 25 years. The first groping I ever did was with a girl when I was 10. But while there are probably many who went on to purely straight lives from such early interactive experimentation, I didn't.

I couldn't get over the softness of her breasts, the scent of her arousal, the feeling of her fluids and the texture of her inner walls on my fingers, or her taste on my tongue. To look into a woman's face as she is orgasming, gaze a little blind, my name on her lips, tiny gasps of her breath warm on my face, or to watch and feel her center spasming on my fingers, this is delight. To cradle her and be cradled by her in the afterglow, husky low voiced murmurings mingling, this is an aspect of heaven.

My first boyfriend at 12 was fantastic with his mouth. With delight I reciprocated, giving head just as often. We were sixty-nining when his mother and my mother caught us. He was an intellectual like me. We explored our sexual awakening together as thoroughly as we discussed honors English readings, or American History.

In college I had several relationships. A nice Jewish boy with delightfully raunchy in-bed manners, then a senior (woman) in my major program who helped me with my language studies had the most delightful voice to go along with a killer body, then a top-of-his-game computer hacker/programmer who planned to devour the world, but not before he (and I) came multiple times with almost pornographic variety. There was the woman who was a bombastic redhead in public, and yet the quietest cummer I ever enjoyed. Our mutual passion (aside from sex) was writing m/f fanfic, and she was the only bad breakup I ever had.

When I met my husband, I thought I heard an angel literally whispering 'your soulmate'. His intellect, and sexual expression, though he is straight, match my own. While sharing fantasies many nights, I told him more about my personal history than I had shared with anyone else. That was the one thing that had been missing in my previous relationships. With women, I was expected to only be into women, and with men the reverse. I had never shared my explicit history with my other partners. Now not only was I sharing it, but I was being encouraged and supported for it.

I have taken two different female lovers during my marriage. Each was delightful in her own way. A bisexual woman who enjoyed her intimacies alone with me, or together with my husband. She I gave up with joy but reluctance, to her own now 6-years committed female partner. They are still close friends. My second lover, a stated bisexual, though more lesbian-centric, said she was okay with my marriage (I don't hide it from any prospective partners), but had real trouble just being in the same room with my husband. I don't have to share them sexually, but animosity between my partners I couldn't abide, so I had to tell her we were over. She's in a long-term relationship with another woman now and we get together socially every now and again.

My lovers of the past, male and female alike, were, and continue to be dear people to me. Our relationships didn't become "forever" for many of the reasons all relationships do, incompatible drives, incompatible goals, or incompatible (over the long term) natures. But I would never throw away a single day's memory of love, intimacy, bonding, the caring or the sex.

I am a bisexual woman.

END

These are just a couple of the feelings that we, as bisexual married women, share. Feel free to comment or to email me off-list if you would prefer.

jolie@joliedupre.com

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her first anthology, Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, is now in print and coming very soon to bookstores. Her editor over at Alyson Books says it looks great. Order Iridescence today!

Music for 5/20/2007 blogging - Carrie Underwood

The Push and The Pull, Erotica by Georgina Ragazza

Sex writers aren't supposed to have hang-ups, Lila thought...

What's a girl to do, when her lover's horny -- but she can't quite bring herself to bridge a personal taboo?

Author Georgina Ragazza wrote this sexy story of acceptance and when she submitted it to Tit-Elation she said, "I wanted to write an erotic yet tender story about menstruation, because it's a subject which tends to get overlooked!"

Here's the story, The Push and The Pull, in full:

Lila looked over her laptop at Michael's computer screen on the other side of the room.

A pert Goth girl gazed up through candy-pink bangs and thrust her breasts out. She was ordinary and real, a proper person with a bit of a tummy and a nice smile. A shaved snatch glistened between splayed legs.

"Come and play with me!" read the banner.

Lila caught Michael's blush as he switched back to his Word document.

"You don't have to do that on my account," she said. But she had that cold feeling in the bottom of her stomach and thought of snakes in pits. She watched him force an embarrassed smile.

Lila looked at her own laptop screen full of vintage nudes and minimized the story she'd been writing about Victorians and their obsession with spanking. She was such a hypocrite - why did she feel this way? She researched passion and beauty, and then wrote about it. Some of the dirtiest words came out of her head; her stories were full of wildness and strange fantasies.

She couldn't explain the snakes crawling in her belly and the way the dark pain gripped her insides.

Michael walked over to hug her from behind and she shivered at his touch. His skin smelt like sun and oranges and she wanted to drink him in. She ran her fingers over his arms and traced the taut muscles. She knew that he loved her. She knew there was no one else.

They had met online a year ago, and for that first month Michael had been words on a screen, a message here and there. Longer conversations led to photographs and Lila was hooked. The first time they had phone sex she cried afterwards, by herself in the dark.

When she saw his face for real, her heart came undone. He hugged her so close on the station platform that she almost fainted. A proper swoon. Apart from one lonely weekend, they were inseparable from then on.

She was in her ripe 40s and he was a good generation younger, full of the fire that men seem to lose as the years grind them down. He told her he was in love with her passionate wisdom, and she adored his endless spirit.

Every day he said, "I love you." When she was working, he cuddled her and made her cups of tea. At night he smiled and kissed her and wrapped his arms around her. He couldn't sleep unless she was in the bed with him.

He was everything and he was hers.

Lila had never known a man as tender as Michael. His kisses were slow and tentative; his fingers touched her skin with care, as if he were exploring a new terrain. The first time he inched his cock inside her, she saw his eyes widen.

"We're a perfect fit," he gasped. He rocked, slid against the ache of her sex, whilst his fingers traced her face. She heard the click of boxes unlocking in her soul, and felt the joy and the secrets and the need tumble out.

When he came, he held her close.

"Before you it was just sex," he whispered. "You're the only woman I've ever made love to, the only woman I've ever wanted to make love to."

We lost our virginity together, he said. Souls only fuse once, and now we belong to each other.


The trouble had started the first time she got her period. They couldn't make love for the first time in their romance, couldn't melt together. She made a face when he suggested it.

"I'm cool with it," he said. "I want you and your blood is part of you, part of me, part of us."

She caressed him, and tried to take him in her mouth.

"That's not making love," he said. "That's just fucking. I don't want to go back to the days of fumbling and groping and half-arsed dating. I want to be inside you."

****


She'd fucked a friend of her brother years ago, some Indie kid who'd supplied her with dope and had the hots for her. It was a perfunctory screw, more stoned than horny, and she was at the rusty end of bleeding.

It was a disaster, an embarrassment. His half-hard cock got stuck in dried clots and the smell made her gag. She never saw him again and was relieved. She hadn't told Michael any of this.

So he lay next to her that first night and he stroked her skin and kissed her but they were separate. After he wanked himself to sleep she spooned him and smelled the sweat on his skin. That's when the snakes began to writhe.

His need was palpable to her. She knew he dreaded her period because he said it felt like a loss. The hormonal swell of your breasts excites me, he had told her. Could I just touch you? All she could smell was the metallic tang of her crotch and she disgusted herself. She felt the bed rock with his strokes.

"I like porn because it's physical," he said. "Nothing to do with love. I don't want to make love to the girls in the pictures. They're tits and ass and nothing more, a release of frustration, a diversion. You make my heart leap and catch my soul on fire. The smell of your hair intoxicates me, and your smile makes my day worthwhile."

She typed out her stories and looked at the full Victorian women in the sepia photos and wondered what they thought about.

Lila felt like she had failed him when the blood began to flow. It was a complicated mix of not being pregnant and not being available. She wondered if the girls on his screen were available. Would blood excite them, and make them horny?

She wrote a story about a rock chick and a guitarist painting each other with red streaks and licking each other's hot bodies into a frenzy. She re-read Erica Jong's tampon scene. She shuddered.

Michael's hard drive filled up with videos and pictures and every month the bed shook. You're my sexual fantasy, he'd told her, my sexual reality. You take me to places I've never even dreamed of. Don't you know how beautiful you are? Can't you feel how much you make me come?

Every time she caught a glimpse of his screen he winced and held her and told her she was sexy. She felt the snakes boiling deep inside and couldn't explain.

****


Lila had found an old photo of herself.

Long thick brown hair fell around a smooth face, and her dark eyes sparkled. There were no bags and no spare flesh. She was young once.

Michael took the photo and smiled at her.

"Look how pretty you are," he said.

"Look how pretty I was." She frowned and the porn images flooded her head.

These girls were words on a screen, a message here and there, just as she'd been. But they were a good 20 years younger than Lila, and she knew she couldn't keep up with them. Every day brought a fresh wrinkle to her face, a new grey hair. Her breasts were softer and heavier, and her waist had started to thicken.

"But you're perfect to me!" he said.

She saw a cloud of frustration pass across his face, and she pulled the old photo away.

"Don't do that." His voice was quiet and hurt. "When I look at you, I see that same beautiful girl. You're better than any 20 year old. Why can't you see that?"

Because you look at young naked women, she thought. You masturbate over girls who have no issues, and don't get fat, and never grow old. You never masturbate over me. And when I bleed, I feel cut adrift from you, and I panic. When you wank, you're back in your sex days, and I can't reach you.

She didn't answer him.

****


She knew she was sexy. She knew he was hers. What she hated more than anything was that for five days every month she didn't feel like his sexual fantasy and she didn't know how to tell him that. She could smell his sweat and his come in the bed and she wanted him so much that it made her cry. She wanted him to turn off the computer, wipe the hard drive clean and never be separate from her.

She was so conscious of herself as a woman, she took such a fierce pride in it. She loved the sharp contrast of their bodies, the excitement of her softness and his hardness, her musk and his salt. She hated that five-day interruption when the irony of menstruation made her feel less like a woman and more like a sewer.

Sex writers aren't supposed to have hang-ups, Lila thought. They push the envelope for everyone else and run around naked with radical tattoos and intimate piercings. Balls to the wall. Sex writers smell of come and blood and juice and they never say "no". Their arses bear the deep imprint of past whippings and their breasts are big and their pussies are shaved into hearts.

She looked at her own screen and the Victorian nudes rolled their eyes and showed her their bums.

Write what you know, they said. Live from your heart and your soul. Do you think that the first time the shutter clicked at our nakedness, we weren't afraid? Do you believe that we came to this life prepared and bold?
Love is scary, and it's a leap of faith. He already belongs to you - now give him everything you have.

She clicked the lid of the laptop and looked up at Michael.

"Am I beautiful?" she asked. She watched him stifle a sigh and leaned towards him to grab his hands. "Am I?"

Lila smiled as she caught him off guard. He gave her a quick, soft kiss and was about to speak when she put her finger to his lips.

"Put on the cowboy hat," she said. "You know what that does to me."

Now he looked confused. She knew he was about to ask her where she was in her cycle, and she let out a throaty laugh. His cock was pushing at his zipper and she squeezed it just enough to make him sigh.

He pulled her into a long, wet kiss and she melted on his tongue. Her lips became soft liquid fire as she lapped and tugged, and a wave of longing rushed through her, wild and sweet. Her breasts were still a little swollen, as she drew his hand down under her blouse and rubbed him over her nipple.

He groaned for her and she tore at the buttons of his shirt. His glorious skin was fresh and smooth and she thought of eating him. She curved a slow gentle trail of kisses over his chest, and down to the fur at the edge of his belly. He arched up to her mouth, as she undid his fly buttons one by one, and stopped at the sight of his glorious pink cock.

Michael looked at her and shook his head. She laughed and tore off his pants, and licked up the length of his shaft. A small tear of pre-come shone at the tip, and she lapped at it, and drew him into her mouth.

"Baby, please don't." He tried to protest but began to shake, as she sucked harder and raked her long fingernails under his thighs and brought him in closer. He bumped his hips upwards with his fingers tangled in her hair. She squeezed his cock, pulled her mouth away, and stretched herself over his body.

"All of this is making love when it's with you," she said.

He arched against her pussy and hesitated, still unsure, and started to ease her off her clothes. The snakes thrashed in her belly and she looked them in the eye.

Stop. I'm not listening to you any more.

His eyes were bright with love and lust and she kissed him hard.

"No one makes me laugh as much as you do," she said. "You astound me with your joy and your fire, and you blow me away with all that you are. You're my forever."

He traced the curves of her soft heavy breasts and teased at the nipples until she moaned and sighed. His fingers swept along the lips of her aching cunt as he spread the slippery blood around her clit and squeezed her between his fingertips. Everything was wet and warm, and she tingled against his touch.

She concentrated on his eyes and her desire and spread her legs wide for him.

"Now," she said.

As his cock slid in she closed her eyes and thought of his face on the station platform. She let her heart come undone. He pushed in and she heard his first joke, he pulled out and she saw his first smile. And everything was intimacy and wonder and freedom. The musk and the salt, the heat and the glorious sweetness of it all swept over and down and caught them in a perfect moment of bliss.

And yes, the smell was wrong and there was blood all over the floor but his eyes were wide and full of his soul and she gazed up at him and sighed. And no, the women on the screen didn't cry, didn't shout, never bled, weren't fucked up. They never got embarrassed. They didn't think about which brand of carpet shampoo would get out bloodstains. They weren't real.

Michael and Lila melted into each other, a sticky, silly, breathless heap.

She kissed the tip of his nose, and smiled.

"Oh, how beautiful we are," she said.

** This story was published at Tit-Elation, used with permission, of course!

Married Bisexual Women Essays for May 20, 2007

I am looking for BISEXUAL MARRIED WOMEN to write a 500 word or fewer essay of their thoughts on being a bisexual married woman. These essays will be posted at The Blushing Ladies Journal beginning on Sunday, May 20, 2007.

You may write your essay as ANONYMOUS or I can post your name/pen name and a link to your website, blog or MySpace as a promotional tool.

If you are interested, please:

1. Write a 500 word or fewer essay on being a married bisexual woman. Put your essay in the body of an email. NO ATTACHMENTS.
2. Indicate if you would like the essay as ANONYMOUS or include your name or pen name and your website, blog or MySpace address.

Please send your essay to joliedupre@ameritech.net by Friday, May 18, 2007. Put ESSAY in the subject line.

Thanks,
Jolie du Pre

Happily Ever After?

In Wedded Blisters, Neely wonders if marriage is something she even wants to enter into. With the media, as she writes, "depicting marriage as this energy-sapping, miserable way of life, where husbands have to practically beg their wives for sex and wives feel like they're not being validated enough by their husbands" she's not enthusiastic:

But what about this daily bombardment of television shows and movies, depicting marriage as the root of all evil? The truth is that these comedies and films play off of real life, and we know this to be the case because we laugh at their humor. We laugh because we recognize truth. People love shows like Everybody Loves Raymond because a depiction of an average guy dealing with the daily struggles of marriage is true to the way it is outside of that rectangular, silver screen. Unmarried couples may not entirely relate to the humor but they understand that this is what they'll eventually encounter once they walk down the aisle. Are we destined for the same path as Ed and Peggy Bundy, we wonder.

So we turn off our televisions, looking elsewhere for signs of encouragement, only to be bombarded by another reality check on the state of marriage today: the nation's divorce rate, which towers over us at all times, giving us very good reason to doubt that we will escape the odds.

The media's reflection of our marital problems may be exaggerated ~ but as Neely points out, it's funny because it's true. Marriage is a tricky thing, and certainly our libidos aren't magically put in sync just because we live together. But if I were to look at our media for answers regarding how we've got to this place where Ed and Peggy Bundy are more typical than representative of our greatest fears, I'd say the problem lies with the fantasy of marriage.

From early on we are fed fantasies wherein once love is found they ride off into the sunset. If the story is supposed to be saying "and they lived happily ever after," they never show it. In film, finding one's mate is the end of the story when in truth it should be just the beginning.

While we often are entertained by (and feed-off of) the drama of 'the chase' and the obstacles faced in the pursuit, we forget that 'ever after' is a story complete with dramas of its own. There are obstacles, chases and pursuits to be found in every marriage and I think we should thank our lucky stars for that ~ for each one is a chance to reaffirm our love and dedication.

In the romantic movies, our heroes and heroines do not crumple at the first (or even the 10th) problem presented ~ instead they keep their eye on the prize and fight for the chance at true love. Shouldn't we view and pursue our marriages with the same ardor, passion and dedication?

Work, bills, children, household chores ~ surely none of these is as difficult as the matter of finding, competing for, and securing your mate. (And in truth, now that we are a couple we can attack these problems together; it's you and me against the world, kid.)

He's a morning person while she's most definitely not, he's stressed out at the job, she's afraid she's not as lovely as she once was ~ surely these will yield to the holding of hands, a quiet shared look in a crowded room, a secret slap on the bottom...

We are presented with a myriad of opportunities to sweep our partners off their feet, seduce and charm our ways into their beds, and show that obstacles mean nothing in light of our love.

We need not be complete drama lovers and go overboard creating chaos or imagining things ready to tear the marriage apart, but we can view the problems, difficulties and obstacles with more passion. We can treat each obstacle as the romantic lead does: as a chance to prove our love and win our mate.

And of course, at the end of the day we should be as eager to fall into bed.

Love Notes

Ever feel like your partner thinks you don't exist? Ever wonder if he thinks about you during the day or if he's just so absorbed in his work that you don't even enter his mind? If you do, chances are he does, too.

Women tend to think that it's just us that needs affirmation of our partner's love but they need it to. They want to know that you think of them during the day, that you dream about them at night, and that you lust after them randomly. Love notes are a great way to let them know that you do.

Try dropping a little love note in his briefcase (just make sure you don't put it anywhere where it will fall out onto his boss's desk!) or leaving him sticky notes on the fridge. If you can be relatively sure that only he will see it, don't be afraid to say something sexy.

"Dear ______________,

I had the most amazing dream last night. I dreamt that we went skinny dipping at that lake we used to go to all the time. The water felt so great on my naked skin and your skin against mine felt even better! Meet you at the shower tonight after the kids go to bed?

Love,

D"

That's only an example. If you dare, get a little dirty. Get raunchy. Say what you really mean and then follow up on it.

A Real Date - At Home?

A Real Date-At Home?
Inside Jolie's Head - 4/29/2007

My husband (the cop) and I have been married for over twenty years. The best part about knowing someone intimately for so long is feeling like the person is an extension of your body.

My husband is truly my best friend. There isn't anything that I can't talk to him about. He is the only person that I completely trust, and I know that he has a genuine concern for me.

He's the one who listens to me complain and then lets me know when I need to be more positive. He's the shoulder I can cry on when I'm at my wits end. He's the one who I can laugh with about something that only he and I understand. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that he may know me better than I know myself. I love my husband very much.

Even though we've been together for so long, we still go out on dates - dinner out together alone, or we meet with friends. But the best dates we have are those we spend at home.

Some folks don't feel like they're on a date unless they leave the house and spend money. My husband and I don't have that problem.

We rent a movie, we look for one on TIVO, or sometimes we buy one depending on whether it's really good, and we have movie night together. We make a pot of coffee or we pop some popcorn and pour ourselves some Cokes. Since I spend my life with someone who enjoys quality movies, sometimes more than I do, it has become a hobby that we share. When I get lazy. When I want to watch something stupid so that I don't have to think, hubby keeps me on track.

So think about a home movie night with your significant other. Watching quality movies together stimulates your brains and gives you lots to talk about. Good conversation in a relationship is key - don't you think? Here are 8 movies of quality that my husband and I have watched lately:

The Departed

Thank You for Smoking

Little Miss Sunshine

Match Point

An Inconvenient Truth

United 93

Shut Up & Sing

Casino Royale

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance

(Music for 4/29/2007 Blogging - Chevelle)

Sexploration

There comes a time in every relationship where the sex just gets boring! Ok, I'm sure that there are some relationships out there where this isn't a fact, but I know that it happens often. There's a reason why 1 in 5 marriages are non-sexual (numbers varying depending on what study you're looking at). The fact of the matter is women (and sometimes men) just get tired of the old "you do this to me and I do this to you and then you sigh like that and I move on to part two..." routine. That's the point - it gets to be routine when you learn what you partner likes. And you might be giving them orgasms, but it doesn't mean it hasn't gotten boring.

Try taking a break from sex. Seriously. Just intercourse though. You're still going to have some fun. Take the amount of time that passes between your sexual encounters with you partner and double it. Now for that amount of time, vow that there will be no penetration between you (if you're a lesbian couple replace penetration with whatever is your definition of the culmination of sex). Or no orgasms. But that doesn't mean no intimacy.

For one night focus on touch. You can touch each other however you like but you can't move on to penetration. Find new erogenous zones, bring the excitement high, then back up until you are both calm. The next night, focus on your audio-erotic senses. Read each other naughty stories, listen to sensual music, or tell you partner what you would like him or her to do to you. Play little games with each other for the next while until you time is up.

When you time is up, bring every thing you have learned about your partner with you to the bedroom. Use it and play with it. This time you can culminate your passions any way you choose. Whatever you do, I'll bet it won't be boring.

Why Ask Erotic Romance Authors? (An Invitation)

Writing erotic romance stories takes a special kind of person. Not only do they have to be able to write well, but be able to create characters (and situations) which are both interesting and believable. Part of making characters believable is having knowledge of and experience with people. Not just body parts (though to be sure, a three-handed male lead will not be believable!), but a story teller must know human intimacy, relationships and other personal details in order to deliver romance, fantasy and yes, believability.

If an author of historical fiction writes without any knowledge of the time period, the story falls flat doesn't it. The same is true of authors who do not have any knowledge of intimacy & relationships. So authors need to know more than just some romantic (and randy!) fantasy, but what that fantasy is about; they need to understand more than just what readers want, but why.

A story about a man sweeping a woman off her feet doesn't work if the author doesn't know what would sweep a woman off of her feet. An author who doesn't know what makes a woman tumble into bed won't be able to make her character do it ~ at least not well enough that a reader believes it and keeps reading.

So authors of erotic romance need to know what couples want and how to give it to 'em.

Every story has at least two characters, a situation, and a conflict of some sort ~ most often a conflict of desires. He wants her, but she's not so sure; or she wants something, but doesn't know how to get it... Does this sound at all familiar? *wink*

Here at The Blushing Ladies' Journal you can ask for advice on relationships, romance and arousal ~ and receive it from authors who know about it.

Have a fantasy that you're afraid to share... but really want to try it?

Wonder how you can figure out what your intimacy issue is?

Curious about how to put that 'spark' back into your relationship? ('Everyone' tells you that you must, but when it comes to the 'how' part, they're a little weak aren't they?)

Are you or your partner having problems getting in the mood?

Have you've tried everything under the sun, but nothing seems to work?

Wouldn't it be cool if you had a more knowledgeable friend who'd tell you what they know? (And erotic romance authors do have that knowledge ~ they make characters draw close, fall in love, and get it on all the time!)

Well here we are and here's your chance!

Send us your questions and we (along with our other erotic romance author friends) will help you. And if you've got a tip, or just want to join in with a dishy story or tip, feel free to post it!

And don't worry, you can be as anonymous as you wish.

So go ahead, email us at blushingladies - at - naughtyblog -dot- net with your questions now!

Flirting for Fun and Other Benefits

Once people have been in a relationship for a long time they forget how important flirting can be. Yes, flirting. It doesn't matter if you've been in a relationship for 2 months or 20 years -- flirting keeps things interesting. Flirting is a way that you can be sexual with your partner without actually engaging in sex.

Often, when you have children or busy jobs or a busy social life, it can be hard to make time for the special time you may need to start some great sex. Kids take up a lot of your time and your emotional energy and when the end of the day comes all you want to do is shut off and sleep. Or if you have a hectic, high demand job, it is hard to remember that you have a partner that needs your attention. But flirting can give you that little extra incentive to find time to give your relationship some intimacy.

Imagine that your in the kitchen doing something normal, like dishes, and your husband (or wife) comes up and whispers in your ear, "You can't even imagine what is going through my head right now, seeing your hand covered in all those bubbl