Monday, May 28, 2007

Bisexual Married Women Essays

Bisexual Married Women Essays
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/28/2007

Bisexual married women are everywhere. Here is another essay:


by Staci Parry

Staci's MySpace

Secrets. Lies. Deceptions. These are adjectives that aptly describe the life of a woman who is married to a man but wants or is sleeping with another woman. At least this is my personal experience & since I am by no means unique, I am not alone.

My life has evolved from a state of marital bliss; of loving only the man I married to finding that there is no way that I can love him only. I didn't wrestle with myself the first time I found myself attracted to and then fell in love with another woman. Initially I simply just accepted me. But I wasn't confident about how well others, namely my husband, would accept this new found knowledge. So here the secrets begin. I kept away from him how much I spoke with this girl. How much I wanted to be with this girl. Kept away from him the reasons that our love life had taken a severe nose dive.

I stated that I am not unique but I believe that the life I currently live as a bisexual married woman is. My husband & I have a very special relationship. He knows EXACTLY who I am & what I want & need. His astuteness astounds me sometimes. When we are together, & you are on the outside looking in, the separateness that exists in our lives is invisible. We love & respect one another & are each others' best friend. The simple truth though is that I have wants, needs & desires that have absolutely nothing to do with him thus causing our eminent breakup. He needs a wife who will love only him & he doesn't have that in me any longer.

I love women & the woman that I'm loving knows that. Although ultimately what I want is a girlfriend, someone who has my back & knows that I have hers, but the fact that I am married, seems to be some kind of a deterrent for single women & married women or women who are hooked up just want to have sex and what I've learned about me is that I don't want just sex. I need to feel that the woman I'm loving cares for ME.

When I look to the future, my future, it's difficult to see myself still being a married woman. I'd like to say I actually see someone there, a specific someone, but I don't.

My experience with either lesbian or bisexual women has been interesting to say the least. Most of us, no matter what the age, have no real clue about what we want. We say one thing but actually mean something else. The secrets, lies & deceptions don't end with the men.


This marks the end of essays by bisexual married women. I hope that you have enjoyed reading them.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her first anthology, Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, is now in print . Order Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica today.

Music for 5/28/2007 blogging - Jewel

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

Erotica the Power Play Way

Awhile ago I wrote some tips on How To Use Erotica. Once section, Erotica the Power Play Way, got quite a number of emails...
* Master Says
Read to your partner and see how long she can go without touching herself ~ in any way. She is not allowed to rub her legs together, tweak her own nipples, or even use her own mouth (lick lips, bite lower lip etc) without your permission. In order to do so, she must ask "Master, may I?" and you can decide if and when she may have the release she seeks.

* I've Been A Bad Boy, Mother Goose
I enjoy dressing as a stern nanny or Dominatrix for my part, and have him undress for his role as the naughty boy. Then I tell him the rules: "You will listen to the story, and you will not touch yourself. Not one little bit, or you will get a spanking. If you understand, say 'Yes, Mistress'." Once he agrees, I begin to read. Obviously, you will have to follow through each and every time he does touch himself and if he's the sort who adores erotic spankings he is going to try to wanker-off at every word, so you may need to provide additional rules or consequences. Perhaps you'll need to up the ante to nipple twists? Maybe you'll need to tell the bad boy that storytime will end with his going to bed alone if he continues to interrupt... Or maybe he'll need to drop and give you 20 ~ pussy licks, that is! Be flexible in his likes and in his ability to last, and you and your naughty boy will make Mother Goose as much a part of your regular bedtime activities as brushing your teeth.

* Enchanted Erotic Recipe
Leave the book on your partner's pillow with the selected story clearly marked. On top of the book place your handwritten note with instructions: "Read this story, and be prepared for tonight..." If the story is one that you'd like to act out and it requires props of some sort (special outfits, toys, food items, etc), clearly state in your note that she is required to provide such ingredients. Women love, Love, LOVE anticipation. Making her wait for hours (or days if you tell her on Wednesday to prepare for Saturday!) will put her under an enchanted erotic spell.
Most of the emails were from folks who were aroused by the ideas but felt their partner wasn't quite ready to do this yet. How, they wondered, do you get your partner to move past reading and acting on those naughty impulses?

Here are a few beginner steps:

* Shy Try
For partners who are a bit worried about trying something new, this is a great warm-up to 'bigger and better' sex play scenes. One of you selects three stories based on fantasies you've discussed but haven't had the guts to try yet. Take the titles of each one, put them in a 'hat' and have the other draw one that you'll both try that night.

The catch is, that the one of you must be tied up and blindfolded as they listen to the other read the story. This not only removes some of the embarrassment (or discomfort of 'new') and prevents them from quitting/leaving, but the arousal of listening as their partner strokes and touches them transfers the anxiety into arousal... The reader has the power to stop reading and give-in to lusty needs at any time ~ at their own discretion, of course!

* Hands-On
Similar to the 'Shy Guy,' only instead of binding & blindfolding your partner, you tape yourself reading a story (or buy an audio recording to play). As the story is read, massage your partner. Again the combination of touch and listening acts as emotional lube, releasing inhibitions.

The power play comes in when the one massaging feels their partner is putty in their hands and will now try out the story line or act. (It's perfectly fine to make them wait, make them plead!)

* Half-And-Half
Tell your partner that you'll read the start of the story, preferably one that he doesn't know, and then stop reading and have him tell you how he'd finish the story ~ if he pleases you with the story's ending, you'll allow him to act it out.

In any of these scenarios, if your partner is aroused but still not ready to give it a real try, that's OK. So maybe the first few times you still have sex without the 'real' or 'heavy' power play ~ you are both still working on the fantasies. Sometimes it takes a few steps like this for them to feel comfortable enough to really let go.

Don't force it, or get upset. A lusty roll is positive reinforcement, and your patience & understanding will go a long way to reassure them the next time. Then you can take the teasing further into power play ~ and get your way!

Now it's your turn... What ways do you have to turn reading erotica into a fun sexual power play?

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

Bisexual Married Women Essays

Bisexual Married Women Essays
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/20/2007

Bisexual married women are everywhere. Here are two essays:

Essay No. 1 - By Anonymous

Gender is Irrelevant

I'm 33 year-old bisexual woman. I'll admit it - it irks me when people, upon discovering that I am bisexual but married to a man, immediately dismiss me as 'experimenting' or 'bi-curious' or worse, 'unable to make up my mind.' It's usually women, sadly usually lesbian women, that I get this attitude from, as though I'm betraying the sisterhood because I like women but sleep with a man.

This is the deal - I've been attracted to both men and women since puberty. In fact I tended to fantasize more about women than men, and have had more crushes and more intimate encounters with women than with men. To me, it's always been about the person, not the packaging. Gender is irrelevant, and the best sex I've ever had was with someone I loved. I've only ever been truly, madly, deeply in love with one person. So I married him, even though he had a penis. We've been together seven years now and I've never regretted it once.

My husband is heterosexual but kinky (like me). He had no problems with the woman friend I was involved with when we met, and I know he'd be fine if I wanted to have a woman over for 'friendly' sex now (as long as he could watch.) But you know what? I don't *want* anybody else. It's him I'm in love with, frankly no one can hold a candle to him. It's just the way it is.

If my husband had been female I'd be a bisexual woman in a committed lesbian relationship. It so happens he's a guy, so I'm lucky enough to reap the benefits marriage brings. If this was a sane country marriage would be defined as a 'committed relationship between people who are in love', regardless of gender. I'll vote for gay marriage rights every time it comes up on the ballot and I fervently hope that it happens in my lifetime, but until then? I'm not betraying the sisterhood, I didn't take the easy way out. I fell in love and got married, end of story. That's all there is to it.


Essay No 2. - By LZ

I am a bisexual married woman. I have had female lovers off and on for more than 25 years. The first groping I ever did was with a girl when I was 10. But while there are probably many who went on to purely straight lives from such early interactive experimentation, I didn't.

I couldn't get over the softness of her breasts, the scent of her arousal, the feeling of her fluids and the texture of her inner walls on my fingers, or her taste on my tongue. To look into a woman's face as she is orgasming, gaze a little blind, my name on her lips, tiny gasps of her breath warm on my face, or to watch and feel her center spasming on my fingers, this is delight. To cradle her and be cradled by her in the afterglow, husky low voiced murmurings mingling, this is an aspect of heaven.

My first boyfriend at 12 was fantastic with his mouth. With delight I reciprocated, giving head just as often. We were sixty-nining when his mother and my mother caught us. He was an intellectual like me. We explored our sexual awakening together as thoroughly as we discussed honors English readings, or American History.

In college I had several relationships. A nice Jewish boy with delightfully raunchy in-bed manners, then a senior (woman) in my major program who helped me with my language studies had the most delightful voice to go along with a killer body, then a top-of-his-game computer hacker/programmer who planned to devour the world, but not before he (and I) came multiple times with almost pornographic variety. There was the woman who was a bombastic redhead in public, and yet the quietest cummer I ever enjoyed. Our mutual passion (aside from sex) was writing m/f fanfic, and she was the only bad breakup I ever had.

When I met my husband, I thought I heard an angel literally whispering 'your soulmate'. His intellect, and sexual expression, though he is straight, match my own. While sharing fantasies many nights, I told him more about my personal history than I had shared with anyone else. That was the one thing that had been missing in my previous relationships. With women, I was expected to only be into women, and with men the reverse. I had never shared my explicit history with my other partners. Now not only was I sharing it, but I was being encouraged and supported for it.

I have taken two different female lovers during my marriage. Each was delightful in her own way. A bisexual woman who enjoyed her intimacies alone with me, or together with my husband. She I gave up with joy but reluctance, to her own now 6-years committed female partner. They are still close friends. My second lover, a stated bisexual, though more lesbian-centric, said she was okay with my marriage (I don't hide it from any prospective partners), but had real trouble just being in the same room with my husband. I don't have to share them sexually, but animosity between my partners I couldn't abide, so I had to tell her we were over. She's in a long-term relationship with another woman now and we get together socially every now and again.

My lovers of the past, male and female alike, were, and continue to be dear people to me. Our relationships didn't become "forever" for many of the reasons all relationships do, incompatible drives, incompatible goals, or incompatible (over the long term) natures. But I would never throw away a single day's memory of love, intimacy, bonding, the caring or the sex.

I am a bisexual woman.


These are just a couple of the feelings that we, as bisexual married women, share. Feel free to comment or to email me off-list if you would prefer.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her first anthology, Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, is now in print and coming very soon to bookstores. Her editor over at Alyson Books says it looks great. Order Iridescence today!

Music for 5/20/2007 blogging - Carrie Underwood

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Friday, May 18, 2007

The Push and The Pull, Erotica by Georgina Ragazza

Sex writers aren't supposed to have hang-ups, Lila thought...

What's a girl to do, when her lover's horny -- but she can't quite bring herself to bridge a personal taboo?
Author Georgina Ragazza wrote this sexy story of acceptance and when she submitted it to Tit-Elation she said, "I wanted to write an erotic yet tender story about menstruation, because it's a subject which tends to get overlooked!"

Here's the story, The Push and The Pull, in full:

Lila looked over her laptop at Michael's computer screen on the other side of the room.

A pert Goth girl gazed up through candy-pink bangs and thrust her breasts out. She was ordinary and real, a proper person with a bit of a tummy and a nice smile. A shaved snatch glistened between splayed legs.

"Come and play with me!" read the banner.

Lila caught Michael's blush as he switched back to his Word document.

"You don't have to do that on my account," she said. But she had that cold feeling in the bottom of her stomach and thought of snakes in pits. She watched him force an embarrassed smile.

Lila looked at her own laptop screen full of vintage nudes and minimized the story she'd been writing about Victorians and their obsession with spanking. She was such a hypocrite - why did she feel this way? She researched passion and beauty, and then wrote about it. Some of the dirtiest words came out of her head; her stories were full of wildness and strange fantasies.

She couldn't explain the snakes crawling in her belly and the way the dark pain gripped her insides.

Michael walked over to hug her from behind and she shivered at his touch. His skin smelt like sun and oranges and she wanted to drink him in. She ran her fingers over his arms and traced the taut muscles. She knew that he loved her. She knew there was no one else.

They had met online a year ago, and for that first month Michael had been words on a screen, a message here and there. Longer conversations led to photographs and Lila was hooked. The first time they had phone sex she cried afterwards, by herself in the dark.

When she saw his face for real, her heart came undone. He hugged her so close on the station platform that she almost fainted. A proper swoon. Apart from one lonely weekend, they were inseparable from then on.

She was in her ripe 40s and he was a good generation younger, full of the fire that men seem to lose as the years grind them down. He told her he was in love with her passionate wisdom, and she adored his endless spirit.

Every day he said, "I love you." When she was working, he cuddled her and made her cups of tea. At night he smiled and kissed her and wrapped his arms around her. He couldn't sleep unless she was in the bed with him.

He was everything and he was hers.

Lila had never known a man as tender as Michael. His kisses were slow and tentative; his fingers touched her skin with care, as if he were exploring a new terrain. The first time he inched his cock inside her, she saw his eyes widen.

"We're a perfect fit," he gasped. He rocked, slid against the ache of her sex, whilst his fingers traced her face. She heard the click of boxes unlocking in her soul, and felt the joy and the secrets and the need tumble out.

When he came, he held her close.

"Before you it was just sex," he whispered. "You're the only woman I've ever made love to, the only woman I've ever wanted to make love to."

We lost our virginity together, he said. Souls only fuse once, and now we belong to each other.

The trouble had started the first time she got her period. They couldn't make love for the first time in their romance, couldn't melt together. She made a face when he suggested it.

"I'm cool with it," he said. "I want you and your blood is part of you, part of me, part of us."

She caressed him, and tried to take him in her mouth.

"That's not making love," he said. "That's just fucking. I don't want to go back to the days of fumbling and groping and half-arsed dating. I want to be inside you."


She'd fucked a friend of her brother years ago, some Indie kid who'd supplied her with dope and had the hots for her. It was a perfunctory screw, more stoned than horny, and she was at the rusty end of bleeding.

It was a disaster, an embarrassment. His half-hard cock got stuck in dried clots and the smell made her gag. She never saw him again and was relieved. She hadn't told Michael any of this.

So he lay next to her that first night and he stroked her skin and kissed her but they were separate. After he wanked himself to sleep she spooned him and smelled the sweat on his skin. That's when the snakes began to writhe.

His need was palpable to her. She knew he dreaded her period because he said it felt like a loss. The hormonal swell of your breasts excites me, he had told her. Could I just touch you? All she could smell was the metallic tang of her crotch and she disgusted herself. She felt the bed rock with his strokes.

"I like porn because it's physical," he said. "Nothing to do with love. I don't want to make love to the girls in the pictures. They're tits and ass and nothing more, a release of frustration, a diversion. You make my heart leap and catch my soul on fire. The smell of your hair intoxicates me, and your smile makes my day worthwhile."

She typed out her stories and looked at the full Victorian women in the sepia photos and wondered what they thought about.

Lila felt like she had failed him when the blood began to flow. It was a complicated mix of not being pregnant and not being available. She wondered if the girls on his screen were available. Would blood excite them, and make them horny?

She wrote a story about a rock chick and a guitarist painting each other with red streaks and licking each other's hot bodies into a frenzy. She re-read Erica Jong's tampon scene. She shuddered.

Michael's hard drive filled up with videos and pictures and every month the bed shook. You're my sexual fantasy, he'd told her, my sexual reality. You take me to places I've never even dreamed of. Don't you know how beautiful you are? Can't you feel how much you make me come?

Every time she caught a glimpse of his screen he winced and held her and told her she was sexy. She felt the snakes boiling deep inside and couldn't explain.


Lila had found an old photo of herself.

Long thick brown hair fell around a smooth face, and her dark eyes sparkled. There were no bags and no spare flesh. She was young once.

Michael took the photo and smiled at her.

"Look how pretty you are," he said.

"Look how pretty I was." She frowned and the porn images flooded her head.

These girls were words on a screen, a message here and there, just as she'd been. But they were a good 20 years younger than Lila, and she knew she couldn't keep up with them. Every day brought a fresh wrinkle to her face, a new grey hair. Her breasts were softer and heavier, and her waist had started to thicken.

"But you're perfect to me!" he said.

She saw a cloud of frustration pass across his face, and she pulled the old photo away.

"Don't do that." His voice was quiet and hurt. "When I look at you, I see that same beautiful girl. You're better than any 20 year old. Why can't you see that?"

Because you look at young naked women, she thought. You masturbate over girls who have no issues, and don't get fat, and never grow old. You never masturbate over me. And when I bleed, I feel cut adrift from you, and I panic. When you wank, you're back in your sex days, and I can't reach you.

She didn't answer him.


She knew she was sexy. She knew he was hers. What she hated more than anything was that for five days every month she didn't feel like his sexual fantasy and she didn't know how to tell him that. She could smell his sweat and his come in the bed and she wanted him so much that it made her cry. She wanted him to turn off the computer, wipe the hard drive clean and never be separate from her.

She was so conscious of herself as a woman, she took such a fierce pride in it. She loved the sharp contrast of their bodies, the excitement of her softness and his hardness, her musk and his salt. She hated that five-day interruption when the irony of menstruation made her feel less like a woman and more like a sewer.

Sex writers aren't supposed to have hang-ups, Lila thought. They push the envelope for everyone else and run around naked with radical tattoos and intimate piercings. Balls to the wall. Sex writers smell of come and blood and juice and they never say "no". Their arses bear the deep imprint of past whippings and their breasts are big and their pussies are shaved into hearts.

She looked at her own screen and the Victorian nudes rolled their eyes and showed her their bums.

Write what you know, they said. Live from your heart and your soul. Do you think that the first time the shutter clicked at our nakedness, we weren't afraid? Do you believe that we came to this life prepared and bold?
Love is scary, and it's a leap of faith. He already belongs to you - now give him everything you have.

She clicked the lid of the laptop and looked up at Michael.

"Am I beautiful?" she asked. She watched him stifle a sigh and leaned towards him to grab his hands. "Am I?"

Lila smiled as she caught him off guard. He gave her a quick, soft kiss and was about to speak when she put her finger to his lips.

"Put on the cowboy hat," she said. "You know what that does to me."

Now he looked confused. She knew he was about to ask her where she was in her cycle, and she let out a throaty laugh. His cock was pushing at his zipper and she squeezed it just enough to make him sigh.

He pulled her into a long, wet kiss and she melted on his tongue. Her lips became soft liquid fire as she lapped and tugged, and a wave of longing rushed through her, wild and sweet. Her breasts were still a little swollen, as she drew his hand down under her blouse and rubbed him over her nipple.

He groaned for her and she tore at the buttons of his shirt. His glorious skin was fresh and smooth and she thought of eating him. She curved a slow gentle trail of kisses over his chest, and down to the fur at the edge of his belly. He arched up to her mouth, as she undid his fly buttons one by one, and stopped at the sight of his glorious pink cock.

Michael looked at her and shook his head. She laughed and tore off his pants, and licked up the length of his shaft. A small tear of pre-come shone at the tip, and she lapped at it, and drew him into her mouth.

"Baby, please don't." He tried to protest but began to shake, as she sucked harder and raked her long fingernails under his thighs and brought him in closer. He bumped his hips upwards with his fingers tangled in her hair. She squeezed his cock, pulled her mouth away, and stretched herself over his body.

"All of this is making love when it's with you," she said.

He arched against her pussy and hesitated, still unsure, and started to ease her off her clothes. The snakes thrashed in her belly and she looked them in the eye.

Stop. I'm not listening to you any more.

His eyes were bright with love and lust and she kissed him hard.

"No one makes me laugh as much as you do," she said. "You astound me with your joy and your fire, and you blow me away with all that you are. You're my forever."

He traced the curves of her soft heavy breasts and teased at the nipples until she moaned and sighed. His fingers swept along the lips of her aching cunt as he spread the slippery blood around her clit and squeezed her between his fingertips. Everything was wet and warm, and she tingled against his touch.

She concentrated on his eyes and her desire and spread her legs wide for him.

"Now," she said.

As his cock slid in she closed her eyes and thought of his face on the station platform. She let her heart come undone. He pushed in and she heard his first joke, he pulled out and she saw his first smile. And everything was intimacy and wonder and freedom. The musk and the salt, the heat and the glorious sweetness of it all swept over and down and caught them in a perfect moment of bliss.

And yes, the smell was wrong and there was blood all over the floor but his eyes were wide and full of his soul and she gazed up at him and sighed. And no, the women on the screen didn't cry, didn't shout, never bled, weren't fucked up. They never got embarrassed. They didn't think about which brand of carpet shampoo would get out bloodstains. They weren't real.

Michael and Lila melted into each other, a sticky, silly, breathless heap.

She kissed the tip of his nose, and smiled.

"Oh, how beautiful we are," she said.

** This story was published at Tit-Elation, used with permission, of course!

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Monday, May 14, 2007

Married Bisexual Women Essays for May 20, 2007

I am looking for BISEXUAL MARRIED WOMEN to write a 500 word or fewer essay of their thoughts on being a bisexual married woman. These essays will be posted at The Blushing Ladies Journal beginning on Sunday, May 20, 2007.

You may write your essay as ANONYMOUS or I can post your name/pen name and a link to your website, blog or MySpace as a promotional tool.

If you are interested, please:

1. Write a 500 word or fewer essay on being a married bisexual woman. Put your essay in the body of an email. NO ATTACHMENTS.
2. Indicate if you would like the essay as ANONYMOUS or include your name or pen name and your website, blog or MySpace address.

Please send your essay to by Friday, May 18, 2007. Put ESSAY in the subject line.

Jolie du Pre

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When You're Kinkier Than He Is

Dear Blushing Ladies,
What can you do when you are kinkier than your partner?
kinkier than an old phone cord

Dear kinkier,

First of all, do you know you are dating yourself with that phone cord reference? *wink*

I'm going to presume that you've tried communicating your needs and that while your partner didn't head for the hills shrieking (or crying) they aren't exactly excited by the prospect of joining you in the pursuit of kink. (If, however, you have not discussed your fantasies and desires then you really should do so ~ even if you just fear think they aren't interested, you should, for many reasons, talk about it.)

Being the 'kinky one' in a relationship can be difficult. You are torn between your desire to get your kink on and your desire to keep things comfortable with your partner. Again, discussing this is the first thing to do because you might be happily surprised to find out your partner is a closet kinko ~ or could even be kinkier than you if they only tried something new. (I don't want to keep lecturing about communication, but it's really important enough to warrant two mentions.)

So anyway, here you are all kinky and no place to unwind. What are you gonna do? Trying to live without it is rough ~ it's the kind of thing which will either lead to resentment (both your own and your partner who fears/feels your withdrawal) or lead to a lackluster sex life. You're going to have to deal with it somehow...

If you're in a committed relationship and everything else is swell but you've got the occasional kink to well, un-kink, here are three things you can try:

1) Tell your partner about your fantasy ~ but rather than framing the conversation as a request, focus on what makes you all hot and bothered. For example, if you'd like to be dominated focus on how that makes you feel, how you like the idea of handing over your power, of letting someone else be in charge after a stressful day.

Expressing your emotional needs and desires may open your partner up to new ways of thinking about your kink and allow for you both to see what things can be done to give you what you need ~ yet in ways that are comfortable for them. In the case of being dominated, perhaps your partner could simply be more commanding or demanding of sex rather than asking. A simple, "Get into that bedroom now!" can be more than enough to get your kink-o-vision working on being dominated in your mind.

Also, discussing what you really like and why can be arousing for both you and your partner. Over at A Slip of a Girl, she discussed how and why seeing men in pantyhose turned her on and her husband went from afraid he'd have to do it, to more than happy to display the hard strength she wanted.

2) Read erotica. Yeah, a big shocker to read this here at an erotica author site, huh? But seriously, reading erotica can help.

Options include reading and masturbating as well as reading before going to bed with your partner. The latter can be viewed as rather tacky by some who feel that then you're screwing them only as some sort of surrogate ~ but you can be classy about this right? You need not be lying in bed, you with your dirty book, and then roll over expecting your partner to finish you off. Instead, you can read the story alone and then go to your mate telling them how much you want them. Or you might read the story early in the day, with or without masturbation, and let the fantasy play in your mind all day... Until you can find your partner and put the moves on him.

(And who knows, maybe there's a story scenario you hadn't thought of which your partner might actually want to try?)

3) Twist your unwanted kink into a different kink. Of course, you have to have a certain amount of kink in your relationship to do this one, but you might be surprised how easily such bargains can be made...

Let's say your kinky fantasy is to be with two women and your wife has declined such an event. You can make a deal that every time you bring this up you get a spanking. One couple I know who has such an arrangement says it works wonders. He gets to talk about it while she gets the satisfaction of spanking and dominating him. After his bum's smacked red, he orally pleases her and she tells him he'd never be able to handle two... Then he gets to take his thrustration frustration out with the old in-and-out. Everyone's a winner!

The important thing is that you give yourself and outlet for your kink. Trying to pretend it isn't important or that it doesn't matter is only going to lead to unhappiness and frustration.

With much affection,
Gracie Passette (on behalf of The Blushing Ladies)

Photo credits: via Flickr.

Have other suggestions? Post 'em!

Have questions? Send 'em in!

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Saturday, May 12, 2007

Happily Ever After?

In Wedded Blisters, Neely wonders if marriage is something she even wants to enter into. With the media, as she writes, "depicting marriage as this energy-sapping, miserable way of life, where husbands have to practically beg their wives for sex and wives feel like they're not being validated enough by their husbands" she's not enthusiastic:
But what about this daily bombardment of television shows and movies, depicting marriage as the root of all evil? The truth is that these comedies and films play off of real life, and we know this to be the case because we laugh at their humor. We laugh because we recognize truth. People love shows like Everybody Loves Raymond because a depiction of an average guy dealing with the daily struggles of marriage is true to the way it is outside of that rectangular, silver screen. Unmarried couples may not entirely relate to the humor but they understand that this is what they'll eventually encounter once they walk down the aisle. Are we destined for the same path as Ed and Peggy Bundy, we wonder.

So we turn off our televisions, looking elsewhere for signs of encouragement, only to be bombarded by another reality check on the state of marriage today: the nation's divorce rate, which towers over us at all times, giving us very good reason to doubt that we will escape the odds.
The media's reflection of our marital problems may be exaggerated ~ but as Neely points out, it's funny because it's true. Marriage is a tricky thing, and certainly our libidos aren't magically put in sync just because we live together. But if I were to look at our media for answers regarding how we've got to this place where Ed and Peggy Bundy are more typical than representative of our greatest fears, I'd say the problem lies with the fantasy of marriage.

From early on we are fed fantasies wherein once love is found they ride off into the sunset. If the story is supposed to be saying "and they lived happily ever after," they never show it. In film, finding one's mate is the end of the story when in truth it should be just the beginning.

While we often are entertained by (and feed-off of) the drama of 'the chase' and the obstacles faced in the pursuit, we forget that 'ever after' is a story complete with dramas of its own. There are obstacles, chases and pursuits to be found in every marriage and I think we should thank our lucky stars for that ~ for each one is a chance to reaffirm our love and dedication.

In the romantic movies, our heroes and heroines do not crumple at the first (or even the 10th) problem presented ~ instead they keep their eye on the prize and fight for the chance at true love. Shouldn't we view and pursue our marriages with the same ardor, passion and dedication?

Work, bills, children, household chores ~ surely none of these is as difficult as the matter of finding, competing for, and securing your mate. (And in truth, now that we are a couple we can attack these problems together; it's you and me against the world, kid.)

He's a morning person while she's most definitely not, he's stressed out at the job, she's afraid she's not as lovely as she once was ~ surely these will yield to the holding of hands, a quiet shared look in a crowded room, a secret slap on the bottom...

We are presented with a myriad of opportunities to sweep our partners off their feet, seduce and charm our ways into their beds, and show that obstacles mean nothing in light of our love.

We need not be complete drama lovers and go overboard creating chaos or imagining things ready to tear the marriage apart, but we can view the problems, difficulties and obstacles with more passion. We can treat each obstacle as the romantic lead does: as a chance to prove our love and win our mate.

And of course, at the end of the day we should be as eager to fall into bed.

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Good Night!

So, you've had a long day. You've been running around the office all day, having meetings, in phone conferences, and meeting deadlines. Or perhaps you've been chasing a toddler, cleaning house, doing groceries, and basically making every one's day more enjoyable. Either way, you're exhausted. You climb into bed, pull the covers up to your chin and get ready to drift into a peaceful sleep. But it doesn't come. Instead you lay there staring at the ceiling. Sound familiar? To many this is a common theme when it comes to sleeping. After a hectic day, it is sometimes difficult to relax enough to fall asleep. And sometimes when they do fall asleep, it is not restful but spattered with crazy dreams that have them tossing and turning. So what do you do?

For many the answer is masturbation. Yes, jacking off, jilling off, spanking the monkey, tickling the ivory key, pulling the pud, whacking off, stroking the salami, blowing your own horn, buttering the corn, being a friction magician - you get the idea. And this isn't just something men do - women do it, too!

The fact of the matter is, masturbating releases endorphins in your brain, which in turn helps you relax. But the biggest reason masturbation may help you get those zzz's is because it takes you out of your mind and forces you to focus on your bodies responses. Let's face it - it's pretty damn hard to think about the project that is due tomorrow or whether little Johnny's behavior at the park was a result of not being breast fed long enough when your fingers are working magic over your favorite erogenous zone. Finally, the orgasm is like a good sneeze. You get rid of all the toxic energy that is floating through your body, which will calm your anxious muscles and put your mind at ease.

So, the next time you find yourself counting the cracks on the ceiling, remember that there is a much better way to relax and get some quality sleep - masturbate your way to a healthier night.

Good night all!

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Love Notes

Ever feel like your partner thinks you don't exist? Ever wonder if he thinks about you during the day or if he's just so absorbed in his work that you don't even enter his mind? If you do, chances are he does, too.

Women tend to think that it's just us that needs affirmation of our partner's love but they need it to. They want to know that you think of them during the day, that you dream about them at night, and that you lust after them randomly. Love notes are a great way to let them know that you do.

Try dropping a little love note in his briefcase (just make sure you don't put it anywhere where it will fall out onto his boss's desk!) or leaving him sticky notes on the fridge. If you can be relatively sure that only he will see it, don't be afraid to say something sexy.

"Dear ______________,

I had the most amazing dream last night. I dreamt that we went skinny dipping at that lake we used to go to all the time. The water felt so great on my naked skin and your skin against mine felt even better! Meet you at the shower tonight after the kids go to bed?



That's only an example. If you dare, get a little dirty. Get raunchy. Say what you really mean and then follow up on it.

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Sunday, May 6, 2007

Bisexual Married Women

Bisexual Married Women
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/6/2007

Most of this article is a reprint from my article "Bisexuality in Marriage" at Logical Lust. The article was written in 2003. I've changed a few things . (Except for my husband's name, all other names have been changed.)

I'm a bisexual woman, and I've been conscious of this fact for the last 25 of my 44 years. Twenty six years ago, as a freshman, I entered an all girls college. I thought I was straight. But attending this college, I believe, brought out my true sexuality.

Fall, 1981. I was at college, in the dormitory, in one of the elevators. Pat walked in. Except for the mounds on her chest, she could pass for a man. I was terrified and rushed out of the elevator as fast as I could. Two years later, I sent her a love letter. Terror had turned to lust. She exemplified my definition, at the time, of a lesbian, and as a young, burgeoning bisexual woman, I had to have her. It didn't matter that she had a girlfriend. But Pat was a loyal lover, so she acknowledged my long letter with a long letter of her own, gently telling me that she was unavailable and that she planned to stay that way.

My College, I found, was full of women who liked women. It didn't mean we slept with each other, although some, like Pat, did. It meant that we were deeply into each other. When financial difficulties forced the college to begin to accept men, we women protested. We were very comfortable without them.

The entire time I was attracted to Pat ( now a writer for a gay magazine in Chicago, or at least I had heard ) I had a boyfriend, Rob, who's now my husband.

Many have asked how I can be attracted to women while having a man in my life. Well, that's easy - I'm not straight; I'm not gay; I'm bisexual. As Kathy Labriola says in her online article "What is Bisexuality? Who is Bisexual?":

Many people are 100% gay or lesbian, and are drawn sexually and emotionally only to partners of the same sex. Others are completely heterosexual, bonding in sexual and intimate relationships only with people of another sex. But what about everybody else? A significant percentage of people do not fit neatly into either of these categories, because they experience sexual and emotional attractions and feelings for people of different genders at some point during their lives. For lack of a better term, they are called bisexuals, although many people prefer to call themselves "pansexual," "non-preferential," "sexually fluid," "ambisexual," or "omni-sexual."

I've met bisexual women who have husbands or boyfriends and female lovers. I've met bisexual women who have husbands or boyfriends, but do not have female lovers. I've met bisexual women who are celibate. I've met bisexual women who have female lovers, but do not have husbands or boyfriends. We are varied and we are everywhere.

Soon after I graduated from college, after my failed attempt with Pat, I was dying to have a relationship with a woman, dying. I got myself a copy of the Chicago Reader and found an advertisement for Action Bi Women, a now defunct bisexual women's support group in Chicago. Bingo! Call it whatever you want, I was getting laid. It didn't take me long to meet Cindy. I was a bisexual woman with a boyfriend. She was a married bisexual woman. Our men were in support of our dating. It was perfect.

We were sitting on her couch, and since I had never been with a woman, I was scared to death. Who would make the first move? Certainly not me. And then out of the blue, she kissed me. The first kiss I have ever received from a woman. I can't count how many women I've kissed since then, but I will never forget that first kiss. It was heaven. During some heavy necking, her husband walked in - so we never made it to home plate. I wanted to see her again, and I wanted a relationship - she didn't.

Soon after I was unceremoniously dumped by Cindy, I put on a sexy outfit and marched off to one of the lesbian bars in Chicago that's no longer open, Aukie and Ck's. I was scared, but I tried not to show it. I played a few games of pool with some butches and then Melanie appeared, also butch. She turned me on (most butch women did at that time) and she was full of stories, all true. Like the time she was thrown out of the army for being gay. She was a lesbian, but I didn't care. That week we got a cheap motel room and spent hours in bed. The very first time I was ever fucked by a girl. You couldn't get me into that cheap motel today, but spending time in that dump with Melanie I will never forget.

But there was a problem, something that I knew would present itself at some point, Melanie could not deal with the fact that I had a boyfriend. So, now it was my turn to dump. Later, I dumped women because I found it difficult to give my heart to someone other than my husband. Much later, when I became a writer, I dumped women because of lack of time. Today, I've reconnected with a woman from seven years ago. We're friends again and that friendship is strong based on what we went through in our past together.

My husband has always been supportive of who I am. Is he unusual? Not really. Every bisexual woman that I became involved with had a boyfriend or a husband that was supportive. Sometimes the men were involved, like the occasional three-way, but that didn't happen very often. Other times I never met the men.

The reality is - married bisexual women, and bisexual women with boyfriends, are all over the place.


On Sunday, May 20, I will post the thoughts and experiences of other bisexual married women I've contacted. I will also post any support groups that I'm aware of. If you are a married, bisexual woman, I hope that you will visit this site to read their words. We are not alone.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.
Music for 5/6/2007 blogging - Jonathan Chambers

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Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Sex and Commitments

Marriage is a commitment and anyone who sticks to their commitment should be commended. But there are many who forget that just staying in the relationship because you have a commitment isn't necessarily healthy. When certain aspects slide, it doesn't matter how committed you are - the relationship can be over without either party actually physically leaving. One of those aspects is sex.

Yes, I said sex. I know that there are other important facets of a relationship but without sex, the other facets will slide as well. Without sex, intimacy drops. When intimacy declines you lose that special feeling of closeness. Then you grow apart and start doing your own thing more often than you do things together. You start sharing more with your girlfriends than you do with your partner. Then you might start to wonder why he doesn't talk to you anymore. And he wonders ... well, I'm not really sure what he wonders but I'm sure he does.

So, yes, sex is a very important factor.

Women should never feel responsible for their mate's sexual satisfaction, nor should a man feel responsible for his wife's. But each should feel responsible for the maintenance of their relationship. The have duty to each other to keep the intimacy alive. When you start letting it slip, it just gets easier in easier and pretty soon, it's gone.

It's like I told my daughter, if you come in 10 minutes late for curfew one night, it's so much easier to come in 15 minutes late next week. And then it's half an hour and and two hours and before you know it, you're staying out all night long. And ya, there are consequences, but you learn to live with them and you move on. The first time you tell your mate, "Not tonight - I'm just not in the mood," it's kinda hard because you don't want to her their feelings. But then a couple nights later, you say it again. And again and again. And pretty soon, months have gone by and it's easier to say the words than it is to make an effort and make love to your partner.

What can you do about it? Well, first you both need to agree that you need to stop the I'm-not-in-the-mood cycle. Talk about why you use those words, how you feel when the other says them, and why you want to break the cycle. Then make a date.

Find a time when the kids can be away for the night. Set the mood. Spend an afternoon enjoying each other's company, holding hands, and laughing. Laughter is a great aphrodisiac. Then go home and get down to business. You might not feel "it" at first, but you will. Tell each other what's working. Don't get all serious. Try to keep it light. But the main thing is to get naked and intimate.

Keep this up at least once a week. You might feel like it is kind of forced at first but soon you'll get into it. And the more sex you have, the more you want it so keep at it. Practice makes perfect.

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