Pillow Talk and Talking Dirty

When people think of pillow talk they might think it means talking dirty. But that's not necessarily the case. Pillow talk can be anything that turns both of you on. But talking dirty can be lots of fun and it is well worth exploring.

It is commonly believed that men love dirty talk. Okay, I'm not going to lie to you - a LOT of them do. But for a lot of women, dirty talk is just too much to ask for right away. It makes them feel embarrassed and a little bit shameful. But you don't start off learning to swim by swimming the English Channel do you? No, you start by getting your feet wet, then gradually building up to a full body dunking and before you know it you're swimming.

Pillow talk is kind of like that. You have to start slow and get comfortable first. After all, it is rather difficult to be turned on when the discomfort of uttering words you can barely say in your head out weighs your arousal. So start slow.

One of the things that men like about dirty talk is the praise. They like being told that they are doing something right and, even more, they like knowing that they are turning you on. So start with easy words that aren't particularly dirty.

"Honey, I love it when you touch me like that."

"Do that again. That felt really good."

"Could you do that thing you did last night again? I just can't get enough of that."

"Don't stop, don't stop..."

You don't have to utter a single dirty word and you can still make your partner feel turned on and appreciated.

But what if you really want to? You want to learn to talk dirty and get comfortable with it? Ester November has some good advice. One of the things she suggests is reading erotica. Find some stories you love with language that turns you on. Once you find a few stories you like, read them aloud to each other. Or find some audioerotica to listen to together.

Reading, hearing, and saying the words aloud will make you feel more comfortable with them and your partner will love it.

Once you get used to just speaking, you can gradually add more erotic wording to your love making. Before you know it, you'll be talking dirty like a pro.

Why Ask Erotic Romance Authors? (An Invitation)

Writing erotic romance stories takes a special kind of person. Not only do they have to be able to write well, but be able to create characters (and situations) which are both interesting and believable. Part of making characters believable is having knowledge of and experience with people. Not just body parts (though to be sure, a three-handed male lead will not be believable!), but a story teller must know human intimacy, relationships and other personal details in order to deliver romance, fantasy and yes, believability.

If an author of historical fiction writes without any knowledge of the time period, the story falls flat doesn't it. The same is true of authors who do not have any knowledge of intimacy & relationships. So authors need to know more than just some romantic (and randy!) fantasy, but what that fantasy is about; they need to understand more than just what readers want, but why.

A story about a man sweeping a woman off her feet doesn't work if the author doesn't know what would sweep a woman off of her feet. An author who doesn't know what makes a woman tumble into bed won't be able to make her character do it ~ at least not well enough that a reader believes it and keeps reading.

So authors of erotic romance need to know what couples want and how to give it to 'em.

Every story has at least two characters, a situation, and a conflict of some sort ~ most often a conflict of desires. He wants her, but she's not so sure; or she wants something, but doesn't know how to get it... Does this sound at all familiar? *wink*

Here at The Blushing Ladies' Journal you can ask for advice on relationships, romance and arousal ~ and receive it from authors who know about it.

Have a fantasy that you're afraid to share... but really want to try it?

Wonder how you can figure out what your intimacy issue is?

Curious about how to put that 'spark' back into your relationship? ('Everyone' tells you that you must, but when it comes to the 'how' part, they're a little weak aren't they?)

Are you or your partner having problems getting in the mood?

Have you've tried everything under the sun, but nothing seems to work?

Wouldn't it be cool if you had a more knowledgeable friend who'd tell you what they know? (And erotic romance authors do have that knowledge ~ they make characters draw close, fall in love, and get it on all the time!)

Well here we are and here's your chance!

Send us your questions and we (along with our other erotic romance author friends) will help you. And if you've got a tip, or just want to join in with a dishy story or tip, feel free to post it!

And don't worry, you can be as anonymous as you wish.

So go ahead, email us at blushingladies - at - naughtyblog -dot- net with your questions now!

Women's Thoughts on Sex & Relationships

A few quick links...

One woman shares her thoughts on the problem of sex in marriage ~ it all comes down to intimacy for her. (I agree and will write on this myself later.)

A funny comic strip on women & relationships ~ women who don't like men who take short-cuts *wink*

Beauty Knows No Pain

Beauty Knows No Pain
Inside Jolie's Head - 3/25/07

When I was in college, there was a southern belle who lived on the same floor of my dorm as me. She would never be caught dead in sweats, sneaks and bare faced. Instead her make-up was perfectly applied, her nails beautifully manicured, her clothes were fashionable and she wore heels. All of which takes time. I asked her why she bothered when all we were doing was going to class. She replied, "My mother always told me - beauty knows no pain."

Such a statement would rack the nerves of every feminist alive. Yet even though I'm a feminist (at least most of the time) I've never forgotten what she said.

Last night my husband and I met two other couples for dinner and dancing. My dancing shoes were four inch stilettos - and they were the talk of the evening.

Could I have worn some flats or some comfortable two inch pumps? Yes. But they wouldn't have looked as good. Or more important - as sexy.

Sexy, for a woman, is rarely comfortable.

We can complain about nail polish and eye-makeup and tight clothes and high heels - or we can shut up and participate.

I've heard women say, "I'm not a girly girl." But would they enjoy being a "girly girl" if they lost ten pounds or put on something they've always wanted to but never had the nerve - like thong underwear?

Girly girls get attention, and there's nothing wrong with that.


Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance...and a girly girl.
(Music for 3/25/07 blogging - Amy Winehouse.)

Thank You For Last Night - audio story

Enjoy an erotic audio story! Listen to it and then put it on your partner's mp3 player or put it on a disc and slide it into his car stereo. Just make sure not to do it on the day he's carpooling!

Thank You For Last Night

Flirting for Fun and Other Benefits

Once people have been in a relationship for a long time they forget how important flirting can be. Yes, flirting. It doesn't matter if you've been in a relationship for 2 months or 20 years -- flirting keeps things interesting. Flirting is a way that you can be sexual with your partner without actually engaging in sex.

Often, when you have children or busy jobs or a busy social life, it can be hard to make time for the special time you may need to start some great sex. Kids take up a lot of your time and your emotional energy and when the end of the day comes all you want to do is shut off and sleep. Or if you have a hectic, high demand job, it is hard to remember that you have a partner that needs your attention. But flirting can give you that little extra incentive to find time to give your relationship some intimacy.

Imagine that your in the kitchen doing something normal, like dishes, and your husband (or wife) comes up and whispers in your ear, "You can't even imagine what is going through my head right now, seeing your hand covered in all those bubbles..." and then they walk away. Won't that make you curious. The next night as you're icing a cake, they give you a sexy look and just say, "Mmmm, icing." Now if you and your partner exchange little flirtatious innuendos all week long, I can almost guarantee that as the week goes on you'll be on each other's minds more and more. And by the time the weekend comes and you've asked your parents to take the kids for the weekend, flirted your way through a delicious meal or held hands throughout the movie, when you finally get home and get each other along, there will be passion flowing all over the place.

My fiance and I have only been together for a year but we flirt all the time. I plant ideas in his head that appeal to his fantasies (and mine). If he's on the phone I'll sometimes sneak up behind him and slide my hand over his shoulders, down his chest, and back up. Then I leave him to his phone call. Sometimes at night we talk about sex, fantasies, experiences, even though we have no intentions of actually having sex. On occasion, it actually does lead to sex, but usually it doesn't. By the time that we do actually have the opportunity to have sex, all that talking and flirting has us ready and rarin' to go!

Everyone knows that women love foreplay, and lots of it. Well, think of flirting and sexual innuendo as foreplay for men. It can last for an hour or it can last for weeks. Flirting is great. Flirt with your partner for a week or even two. Don't even try to initiate sex in that time. When you finally do initiate sex, I'll bet he'll be more in the mood than he has before.

Spousal Seduction; a Love Story Featuring Lingerie

Sophie's Plan

Being a mom meant Sophie spent most of her waking hours as she did her sleeping ones -- dressed in grungy practical clothes and no makeup. She awoke each morning, traded last night's sleep shirt for a tee shirt and jeans, and put her hair in the usual ponytail. But tonight was no ordinary night, and so dressing would be no ordinary event.

Tonight she and her husband, Rick, were attending a wedding -- without the kids. It was the first date with her husband in over a year, and Sophie intended to make the most of it. In true mommy fashion, she had made a plan to ensure that everything, including the dressing, was special.

Rick had been sent to take the kids to grandma's house for the night. Sophie had used the excuse that since it was his mother, it was his job; but in reality, she just wanted the time it would take for him to drive across town as an hour of luxury for herself. An hour to rediscover being a woman. An hour to work her plan.

Her plan began with a shower. Out of habit Sophie felt herself wanting to rush through it and she had to remind herself to relax, to savor the experience of showering alone without any of the interruptions which normally accompanied showers. She reminded herself to slow down and luxuriate in the lather of the products, enjoy the feeling of her now prune wrinkled fingers as they touched her water laden skin, even relish in the drag of the razor. This was not just about getting clean and presentable, this shower was about getting in touch with herself.

She already knew what she was going to wear. It wasn't a new dress, but that didn't matter. She knew she looked damn good in it. Fashion folks were right: one classic little black cocktail dress was an investment worth the money. Stunning never went out of style. And besides, she took great satisfaction in the knowledge that after each child, three now, she was able to get back into that dress. It had taken her five months after this last baby, but she still tingled with pride remembering what it was like to slip into that dress once again. Or maybe she tingled because the showerhead was sending a stream of water onto her waiting bubble-covered clit?

But the dress would have to wait a bit longer... This time when she slid it down over her hips it would be the final note in a symphony; after hair, makeup, lingerie, shoes and yes, even earrings. After all her preparations had been made. Thinking about all she had yet to do, Sophie turned off the water and left the shower.

Drying herself by gently blotting her skin, she left a little moisture behind for her favorite scented lotion to glide across. Slathering on the body lotion, feeling her own skin in her hands, she felt her excitement turning into arousal. She began at her feet and worked up her freshly shaven leg which shivered at her touch. Her bodily response to all the petting and attention was strong. Carnal. She was tempted to take her lotion covered fingers and do more than stroke a bit of lotion around the V between her thighs -- she wanted to bury her fingers in the warm silky wet hair and, keeping her palm pressed on her thickly covered mound, slide her fingers forward and then press them first along, then inside her folds. But this was not part of her plan.

Tonight's plan was all about slow seduction; her own slow seduction. It had not been long since she'd been properly fucked, but properly seduced? Driven crazy by her own senses? Ah, that had been ages. No, she wouldn't deny herself the sweet agony of waiting. So Sophie's fingers didn't dip into the delights of instant gratification but rather continued rubbing the pretty floral scented lotion into more visible areas of her flesh.

Finished with the lotion she moved to the sink. It was time for facial toner, moisturizer, and the tweezing of a few stray brow hairs. She blew her hair dry, and began to set it. As she did so, she thought about how she missed the rituals of preparing herself.

This much effort was the norm for single dating folks, but preparing herself to seduce her husband? The very man who loved her, lusted for her in her baggy sweats, her hair in a ponytail, sans makeup, perhaps not even showered for a day or two? What did he care?

While she knew she needed this, to be a woman and a lover not just a wife and mom, Rick was another story. Like most husbands he didn't always know what he needed and it was her job to be aware of it and to make it happen. So she had, in true wife and mommy fashion, created this plan for them both to rediscover each other as primal man and woman.

All these thoughts about Rick reminded her of his impending arrival. She glanced nervously at the clock to make sure she was still on schedule. If she brushed her hair out now, and sprayed it quickly, she'd be on time. After the last spray, she waited a few minutes and vigorously shook her head to test the hold. Her hair was set and so was this part of her plan. Now she was ready for the next phase, in the next room.

She entered the bedroom completely naked, turned on the radio, and took a moment to look at herself in the full-length mirror. If Sophie had thought to look at herself through the lens of television or compared herself to the women in magazines, she might have been unhappy or dissatisfied; but that never entered Sophie's mind. What Sophie saw -- in fact, what Sophie went to the mirror for -- was her beautiful curves.

She found her body attractive to look at and wonderful to feel. Perhaps it was because in Rick's eyes she was forever beautiful that she believed herself so. Or perhaps it was because she found herself lovely that he wanted her. Maybe it was a combination thereof. She watched as the Sophie in the mirror swayed to the music, caressing herself. She caressed her large bare breasts, still slightly slippery from the lotion. Her hands traveled to her belly then back up past her chest to her shoulders, her neck, her face. She turned around, looked over her shoulder at her bare backside, and satisfied with what she saw she slapped herself heartily on the ass. Giggling, she turned around to face the mirror again and this time she focused on something other than herself.

Hanging from the top of the mirror was the hanger which held her most splendid slip. Heavy, silky black nylon, embellished with wide bands of lace, it was nearly too exquisite to cover up. She ran her fingers along the rich fabric in anticipation of putting it on. Oh how heavenly that nylon would feel sliding over her to rest on her curves. How pretty to see her flesh as it would flash through the lace. But like the dress, the slip would have to wait its turn.

She went to the dresser and shuffling through the bits of lace removed a bra. She wished she had one just like it in black, but this ivory one would have to do; it was the only one both cut low enough for the plunging neckline of the dress and yet heavy-duty enough to lift her double-D's high and rounded above the neckline as well. She quickly put the bra on and returned eagerly to the mirror with its display of the black slip.

Donning the slip was not a disappointment. The nylon poured over her like cool water and quickly deposited itself on her curves, warming as it made contact with her body. She ran her hands over herself enjoying both what her hands felt and how her hands felt. For a brief moment she shut her eyes and imagined her hands were Rick's hands. She gloried in knowing how his hands too would be pleased. She knew every line of his face, how his eyes drank her in, how after all these years she still thrilled to his touch, and he to hers.

The announcer's voice blared the time from the bedside radio, snapping Sophie out of her reverie. Returning to the dresser she pulled out her shiny black nylon garter belt. She lifted the hem of the slip and was met with the scent of her musk mixed with the floral perfume of the lotion. She inhaled deeply and began to put on the garter belt by wrapping it about her waist. She held the back of the belt in front of her to mate each male hook into its female eye, and when done slid the well-mated closures behind her, finally settling the bit of nylon and lace on her hips.

Next she reached into another drawer and pulled out a thin box from which she removed a pair of black nylon stockings. Crossing to the bed, Sophie sat on its edge. There she gingerly gathered a stocking, pointed her toes, inserted them into the delicious delicate nylon, and gently smoothed them up to her mid-thigh. She repeated this with the other stocking and leg, then stood. She went to the mirror again, this time using its reflection as a guide to straighten her seams. Most of the smoothing was purely for pleasure and had little to do with the seams being out of place; Sophie was simply enjoying how great her legs looked and felt. Once satisfied they were set, and her personal indulgence satisfied, she began to attach the garter tabs one-by-one to the top of the stockings. Standing on one stockinged foot she slid the other into a high-heeled black strappy sandal. Then she teetered on that one shoe and gracefully placed the remaining shoe on the other foot. With one last look in the mirror to affirm that the placement of garters and shoes had not twisted the stockings from their alignment 'due north' she turned to her vanity.

She watched herself approach in the vanity's mirror; the closer she got, the more luscious the view as the focus became all about her torso shifting and swaying provocatively within its gleaming nylon confines. When she reached the vanity, she gently sat herself down on the plush seat and began to both appraise and admire her face in the mirror. She knew exactly where to apply a stroke of this, a splash of that to accentuate her beauty. Soon her glamorous self returned; a woman Sophie knew, but hadn't seen in a while. Sophie arched her eyebrow and wickedly grinning at the creature in the mirror said, "You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you". In reply, the vixen in the mirror laughed and shook her head so that her hair tickled her shoulders. It felt so nice, her own hair against her own bare shoulders, that Sophie leaned her head back and rolled her head from side to side to feel more of it.

It was at this point that Rick returned. As she expected, he called as he entered the back hallway, "Sophie? Are you ready yet?" She purposely did not answer; this too was part of the plan. Instead, she smiled and winked at herself in the mirror. "Showtime" she whispered. She heard Rick as he mumbled his way through the house to the bedroom, "You were supposed to be ready and waiting when I came home. How long does it take to throw a dress on, woman?" Sophie did her best not to laugh; Rick was as on cue as if he had read her script. As he rounded the doorway, she did her best to appear nonchalant and reached for her earrings.

"Come on," his deep voice boomed, "you're not even dressed yet!"

Now it was Sophie's turn to hit her mark. She rose slowly from her seat at the vanity and at the same time acted like she was trying to put her earring in -- then whoops, the earring leapt out of her hand. Sophie slowly bent over, her ripe nylon gleaming rear facing Rick, to retrieve it. That was all it took for Rick to channel his testosterone from frustration to hard-on.

As Sophie righted herself, she discovered Rick pressed against her backside and he was doing the old reach-around for her breast. "Rick!" she said as she smacked his hand away, "We're going to be late, let me go!"

Rick dropped his hand and backed away from her, clearly in conflict about what to do. With little blood flowing to his brain, his dick was the one with the answer. "Hey, we can be a bit late..."

Sophie returned to the vanity, popped each earring into place and reached (again) for the lip gloss to apply another coat. Slowly, of course. She noted that Rick agonizingly watched the wand as it went round and round her lips.

"Come on, baby," he whined. "You're not gonna make me go there with this, are you?" he said as he gestured towards the tent in his pleated dress slacks.

Sophie said nothing, but stood and absentmindedly smoothed the nylon at her hips.

"You are too beautiful, Soph, I can't help myself."

"Well, I suppose I could help you a little," she said as she strutted towards him, "but you have to promise not to mess me up too much." She reached for his belt. "Promise?" she commanded, rather than asked.

"What's not 'too much'?" he said in a ragged voice as he reached for the straps of her slip.

"Let's just say you don't touch me, and I'll do all the work" she said as she slid to her knees taking his pants with her.

Before he could say anything, she had removed his cock from his shorts and was running her thumb over its head. Sophie looked at it admiringly. It was hard, thick and a lovely shade of caramel which by contrast made his mass of black pubic hair look like chocolate. It was her treat. As if in agreement, his cock dribbled a few drops of pre-come which Sophie's thumb quickly used to lube its head. Rick sighed in pleasure and his dick quickly produced one additional drop. This Sophie licked gently off with the tip of her tongue, and then proceeded to take as much of him into her mouth as she could. Rick took one quick intake of his breath and reached for the side of her face with his right hand, trailing his fingers along her jaw. She began to bob her head up and down, slowly, just to further lube his cock, and Rick said, "Are you sure, Soph... Don't you want me?"

For a moment she was tempted to give in to desire -- to lift the hem of that slip, part her legs, and let his now slick shaft penetrate her equally slick folds. But no, she had to stick to the plan. She had to make him wait for that, so that he would ravage her later -- to claim what was his after a long night of other men looking at her. It would be passionate, rough even; but if she sucked him off now, it wouldn't be quick. It would be intense and savory. "Stick to the plan, Soph, stick to the plan" she told herself and began to more earnestly work the pulsing dick into her mouth.

As skillfully as she had applied her makeup earlier, she sucked and stroked. His cock was soon very slippery with her own spit and Sophie placed her right hand on Rick's firm thigh for balance and leverage.

Rick began to moan and soon his breathing made Sophie as greedy for his orgasm as he was. Her mouth full of cock, she moaned deep in her throat, rubbed her thighs against each other, and then began to increase the pressure, friction and speed of her mouth on Rick's cock. Knowing all Rick's spots as she did, she let her tongue flick against the ridge of his head on every near-exit of her mouth and with her left hand she cupped his balls. Within minutes, Rick was pumping every last bit of his juices into her mouth.

Sophie swallowed, once, twice and did a circle with her tongue to make sure she'd got it all before she slowly backed away and looked up at him with a big grin. Her grin was partially due to making him so happy, but also because she knew he would make more -- he would just need a few hours to recoup. And during those hours, Sophie would tease and flirt relentlessly to encourage him. Everything was going according to her plan.

Sophie returned to the vanity. As she tissued off the remnants of the gloss from her mouth, Rick busied himself in the bathroom. He returned to find her applying a vivid red lipstick, then a fresh coat of deep red gloss to her wickedly grinning lips. Their eyes locked in the mirror and for that moment Sophie thought he knew, knew that she had not put the real lipstick on because everything had been planned on her part... If he did know, would he bust her? Would he be pleased? But then, he began fussing with how his shirt was tucked into his pants and the moment was over. "Yeah, like men notice details like that," she thought. "And even if he did, what would he complain about? An easy blow job and some even easier pussy later?" she laughed to herself.

"You do look exceptionally beautiful tonight, Sophie" he said as he leaned over her seated form to place a kiss on her shoulder.

Her eyes shown brightly as she trailed her hand across his chest and quietly purred, "Thank you, Rick".

She rose from the vanity and walked to the closet. Then, and only then, did Sophie reach for that dress.

Now she was ready to begin her night. There was so much to look forward to.

© Gracie Passette
As previously published at Tit-Elation, where the erotica is written for women, but enjoyed by all.
Image courtesy of GlamourGurlz.com ~ used with persmission.

Discussing Your Fantasies

Discussing your fantasies can be a difficult thing.

All the sex experts recommend that you talk to your partner about your fantasies, if you want to experience them, but I wonder, have they ever done so?

Discussing your fantasies can often set you up for failure.

Sometimes our fears of sounding like a freak make us delve into the 'why' more than the 'how' and with the dissection you might actually have to look as parts of yourself that are not as attractive as firm breasts or a rock hard dick...

You might have to look at part of yourself that expose way more than your naked body ~ your soul.

For me, my little rape fantasy is contains elements of my desire to let go of the control... And while it takes trust to hand myself over physically to a lover in such a fashion, it takes even more to admit it. That kind of standing-naked-emotionally-before-you is not really Gracie's style...

And sometimes the high expectations of just trying to carry out something you have fantasized about for a long time can make the reality a poor substitute.

It sure can put pressure on a partner to feel the need to live up to something too. Or worse yet, they can take your fantasy to think they have not been 'doing it right.' That's a conversation no one wants to have, right?

Now you have an insecure person who bared their soul, and an insecure person trying to fulfill a fantasy... How great will that sex be?

Gracie is not saying "don't share your fantasies" ~ not at all. It's just Gracie's opinion that the 'experts' who advise to tell a partner just never give the part of the advice we need: How to share a fantasy without ruining it.

Maybe that is why so many folks are meeting on the Internet. In groups where the fantasy is a 'given' so there is no explaining to do.

I know that is why many clients seek escorts. No need to worry about explaining to a pro 'why,' all you have to do is agree it is allowed.

I guess we all need relationships where we can do it because it is allowed and not have to dwell too much in the 'why it works' areas... Unless you like that kind of brain play, intimacy & sharing. Then just ignore Gracie. *wink*