Thursday, August 30, 2007

Sugasm #94

The best of this week's blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #95? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you're all set.

This Week's Picks
Fisted, first.
"And it was lovely, because the movements made by his fist inside me were so different to a cock."

The Razor, the Tape and the Man
"He's never known this lack of control, this unstoppable surge of orgasm, this wave of ecstasy soldiers crossing his territory."

Sex Work And Religion: Monotone Man
"Religion comes up during calls more than I anticipated when I started doing sex work."

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Masterlock Street Cuffs

Editor’s Choice
Watching my girl's caning

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot's Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Butch/Femme, Spanking and Team Gina, Oh My!
"If you jump into bed on a first date, it's already over" and other Myths
Or, When Fantasy Ruins Your Love Life
Sex in the possibly public square
The Storm Cone
When trust faltered...

Sex News & Reviews
Sex Blogger Cocktail Party In Toronto
Sex Toy Review: njoy Butt Plug
Wet vs. dry rub

BDSM & Fetish
The Blindfold
Dinner Party
Happy HNT - Subspace bondage
I’m Not Ready To Play Nice...
New Store!!! New Videos!!! New Look!!!
Posting tipsy
Social Kink Interviews Steve Diet Goedde
Trashy kisses
Weekend With CD Part I (Figging LFM)

Sex Poetry
Beauty mark

NSFW Pics & Videos
Catalina loves To Take Pictures
Gabriella (Gallery Carre)
Jessica Beil Topless
A Reflective Half-Nekkid Thursday
Sandra Shine Nude
Valentina is a goldpiece
WebMistress Feature Gallery: Sultry Striptease

Sex & Politics
We Support the Human Rights Campaign

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Bubble Bath
Cadillac Confessions Vol. 1
Caught Between A Rock And A Hard On! - Part 1
Every Six Seconds... #2
No reservations, part 2
Our holiday - part one
Sex from the Rooftops
Speaking of Porn Stars….
Sunshine On Naked Skin
That Makes Two
Wanking this weekend?
Warm Wet Velvet
We sleeping wake, and waking sleep

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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Number 2 in Sugasm 93

The best of this week's blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #94? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you're all set.

This Week's Picks
Between Baths
"His tongue licks along the edge of my thong and then slips underneath, and then he pulls the material aside so he can get to me."

Fantasy Vs. Reality: What Is Cheating?
"Paid escort work is fantasy; dating me is reality."

How To Set Up an MFM Threesome
"You'd be surprised how many guys will say they can't wait to bed her down, then chicken out or not show up after you've shelled out money for a hotel room."

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Neal Mather Fetish Figurenes

Editor' Choice
Need a hand?

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot's Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Erotic Writing and Experiences
And the answer is
Christening The Bed
Episode One
Sally & Bill

Sex Audio & Podcasts
Almost Perfect
Nobilis Erotica 30-Woman of the Mountain

NSFW Pics & Videos
Bree olsen episode 1
Catalina loves Guest HNT Posts!
Georgi (I Shot Myself)
Half-Nekkid at the BBQ
I Feel Myself
Photo of the Moment: Curvy Girls
Sexy DJane Jesse Capelli
Sexy showgirl upskirt pinup photo
Tits for the Troops #5

Sex Work
Breakdown Of A Quickie
Objectify Me

BDSM & Fetish
Calling All film slaves in the New York/New Jersey area!!!
Friday night
Fucked to bits
Happy HNT - A switching in the old abandoned cabin
Let’s give the boy a hand! - Part Two of Text Message Mayhem
An Ode to Bondage
Playing with Morgan
Social Kink Interviews The Knotty Boys (Shibari, Bondage)
Sweet Possession
Trembling, redux

Sex News & Reviews
Aneros Progasm Prostate Massager Review

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Did you have sex?
Half-Nekkid and Openly Bisexual
Keeping Secrets
Love Sick
Mirror, Mirror
More On Cougars - Older Men, Younger Women, Mistresses and Married Men
Playing with my Barbie
Skanky Panties & The Business of Faux Fish Juices

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Sunday, August 19, 2007

"If you jump into bed on a first date, it's already over" and other Myths

People have a lot of preconceived misperceptions about love. But it is important to remember that there are no universal truths to love - only your truths. What happened to you is your truth and you will remember it until the day you die. And you will likely live by it as well. However, to your best friend, or the guy in the apartment next door, or the lady behind the counter at the corner store - your truth may not apply. In fact, it likely doesn't.

For example, take the whole idea of "love at first sight." Some swear by it. Others think it is a myth. For some it will always be a myth and they'll never experience the joys and the pains of love at first sight. Recently, there was an article at Romance Tracker called, "Love at First Sight - 3 Ways to Know It's Real." The three ways they gave as a sure fire way of knowing it was love at first site were: you don't want to rush things (physically), you see things in them that others don't, and you want to learn everything you can about them. Hmmm.

First, I'd like to say that just because you want to get intimate right away doesn't decrease the quality of love you have. I will admit that some people have sex and equate it with love and that does decrease their chances of building a solid relationship. But everyone is different. My husband and I have been intimate since our second date and I don't think that hurt us at all. Mind you, we do a lot of talking, laughing, and other non-physical intimate things together as well, so sex is not the mainstay of our relationship. I'd say if sex becomes the only reason for getting together then love is likely not what you're looking at. But just because you have sex doesn't mean that you're love (at first site or otherwise) is not real.

Now, the second point - you see things in them that others don't. That can be a good thing. I think I see a lot in my husband that others don't see and that is part of what makes us a great couple. I can also get past a lot of things that others might not be able to (anxiety/panic disorder is not an easy condition to live with for either party) and that makes us good for each other. But sometimes seeing things that others don't see can mean that you aren't seeing the things that others see.

If you see that he or she is an incredibly sensitive person with a great love for animals, that's great. But it's not so great if you focus on only that and refuse to see that he or she also has severe control issues that are going to impact your relationship in the future. Seeing good things about your partner is good. Making those the main focus and putting other things that are potentially dangerous are not.

Finally, you want to learn everything you can about them? Well, that almost sound kind of junior high to me. Of course, you want to learn about them. But it's important to remember that everyone has some secrets, everyone will have things that want to keep to themselves until they are ready to share, and if you are really in love you will respect that.

The bottom line is that every one's experiences with love - at first site, long standing, whatever type of love you think you are in - is conditional. It is based on your previous experiences, your morals, the norms of your society, and multitudes of other factors.

Love is what you make it to be. Don't expect yourself to fit into others definitions.

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Thursday, August 16, 2007

Fantasy Vs. Reality: What Is Cheating?

(Cross-post at BlogHer)

This week's TMI Tuesday was an interesting one. The first task was to define "infidelity" as it relates to a relationship, and I stated that the definition really is a unique agreement between parties and that too often this isn't actually discussed but is an unspoken set of assumptions ~ and that's where misunderstandings and heartbreak reside.

As a sex worker I've pondered infidelity and cheating often. I've knowingly participated in 'his affair', and for that I'm often hated; but I know that I'm not responsible for the decisions of another. "Isn't it unethical to come between another couple's relationship?" I'm asked. "I can only make my own responsible decisions," is my reply, "I do not have the power to consent for anyone else."

Of course, making responsible decisions for myself involves being honest and clear with myself so that I can do the same with my partner(s). Would that we'd all be so aware.

Sex workers are often quizzed on their own relationships. "Isn't your work cheating on your partner?" I've been asked. I never saw it that way. It's work. However, personally, once I began a committed relationship, it was often difficult for me to work. My gigs, as such, were not just screwing episodes. I put more of myself into those appointments than just my body parts. I won't say I was in love with clients, but I sure didn't hate them. I loved in an 'all of humanity' way and so it was intimate work for my soul. This was more difficult when I was personally attached, or becoming so, with another. At those times I quit. That was my choice. Other sex pros I know were more capable of separating personal from professional than I, and they carried on with work and relationship quite comfortably.

But is it cheating? Well, not if I'm honest with my partner(s) and they agree.

I've discussed with partners, past and current, about how they'd feel with my continuing to work and being with them. Most had no problems ~ perhaps because it was 'in theory'. I cannot say for certain. It also takes a rather open man to both have no insecurities and be free of moral judgments, so perhaps they are just that special. Most understood the distinctions between fantasy and reality. Paid escort work is fantasy; dating me is reality. They aren't the same experience. (And heaven knows several of my exes wish they could pay me so that I'd be the girl they wanted!)

But other people are not so clear in their understanding.

Another sex worker, Secondhand Rose, recently had a conversation about her phone sex work. And it's clear that her husband's friend, Mike, doesn't trust her work, to which Rose responds:
Mike, I guess you need to see the difference between action and words, between fantasy and reality. That's what entertainment is. Phone sex is about sex, yes, but it's entertainment. When you watch Die Hard, you aren't really blowing shit up -- you're just pretending. You're entertained. Just one of the many reasons why phone work is legal and prostitution isn't.
When he is not convinced, Rose's husband speaks up:
Mike: And that doesn't bother you, Rob? To know some other guy's getting off to -- or even with -- your wife?!

Rob: So what if she does? I'm not the freakin' masturbation police, or her keeper. I know for a fact she gets off writing her stories, so what's the difference if she's creating them on the phone? When she writes humor pieces I hear her giggling at her own wit at the computer -- the only danger here is that Rose will fall even more in love with herself, making her harder to live with, and her large head means we will have to buy expensive custom hats.
I've often advised erotica as an outlet for those people in relationships where a fantasy or a fetish is not going to be shared in the relationship, and I certainly include calling a PSO in that category. But then I'm a sex worker, so I 'would', says my friend, Kim.

She was aghast that I'd even think such a thing. Here's how our conversation went...

"Rick paying for phone sex would be cheating!"

"Why? It's no different than reading an erotic story from a book or listening to recorded erotica ~ other than this is less passive, it's interactive."

"That's the problem ~ he'd be getting off with her, not just the story."

"He'd be getting off to a story, a fantasy, she's creating for him. It's not 'her' as a person."

"She is a person, and she's talking sex with my husband!"

"Yes, but she's not 'herself'; she's a fantasy."

"But he's telling her private, intimate things..."

"Yes, but things you've made it clear he shouldn't share with you. It's about the fantasy, not her."

"But what if he likes that she can go there and so starts to fall for her...?"

"If he should do that then he's just as likely to fall for some chick in a magazine or on TV. He's not living here but in fantasy land. It can happen ~ it does happen ~ but as a pro, she'll set him back right. She'll tell him where the lines are, and if he can't grasp that, she'll not accept his calls."

"How can you be so sure?"

"A female sex worker is still a woman. She doesn't want to be some fantasy woman adored for the illusion, she too wants to be adored for herself. She's not going to accept a relationship where it's clearly based on the fantasy, a fantasy world, not reality. That's why I say a pro is better than some chat room or a 'free' call ~ she's a pro, not someone desperate for or playing at a relationship. The pro will play, be entertainment; but she's not going to be satisfied with playing pretend for the rest of her life."

"What if she is?"

"Then she's as unstable as the guy and they're both in trouble. Does that sound like Rick?"

She said, "No," but she's still not convinced that Rick calling a PSO would be the same as his masturbating to photos online, to a porno, or to a story in a book...

What do you say? Is calling a phone sex operator cheating? Or is it the same as any other sex fantasy read in a book or in photos?

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Monday, August 13, 2007

Coming Together: For The Cure - RELEASED!

At some point, virtually everyone's life is touched in some way by breast cancer. Whether it's a friend or family member, or even yourself, the journey is one of courage and compassion. Phaze continues its tradition of fundraising for this cause with Coming Together: For the Cure, an anthology of quality erotic fiction edited by Alessia Brio. All proceeds from the sale of this volume will benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

Few things reveal character as immediately and profoundly as the way someone makes love. And since the best stories are always character driven, what better way to get to know the players than by the way they make love? Call it erotic fiction if you like -- it certainly is erotic -- but once you get past the heat and the breathlessness, you'll see these stories for what they really are: tales of the intensely private, the palpably real, the profoundly human.

Barry Eisler, NYT Bestselling Author


I am proud to have my story Last Summer accepted in Coming Together: For The Cure. Here is an excerpt:

Last Summer
by Jolie du Pre
Copyright 2007
Published in Coming Together: For The Cure
Lesbian Erotic Romance

Kate turned onto 94th Street. To her surprise, she found an empty parking space near the entrance to the building. The line for soccer registration had begun to form, and she knew it was best to arrive as early as possible. Inside, a low murmur of chatter filled the hallway as Kate stood behind twenty other parents. In an hour, sign ups would begin, with the line stretched outside the building and around its side. Twenty first wasn't bad, considering.

Twenty people and no sign of her. Tanya would show, though. Kate knew. Soccer had been Tanya's passion since she was a little girl, and as an adult, she made sure to involve her son Doug.

Kate hadn't spoken to Tanya since last summer, since last soccer season. Now Kate longed to see Tanya again. She wouldn't be hard to spot. The wavy blond hair on Tanya's head towered over everyone else's.

When Kate moved to Beverly, full of children and single-family homes, she accepted the fact that she may be the only lesbian around, because living in the inner city was bad for Megan, her only child. Sure, Kate had a lesbian bookstore nearby and her favorite coffeehouse, butMegan played on concrete and attended schools that were less than desirable. Now Kate could give her adopted child a brick bungalow with a flower garden and a tidy lawn in a neighborhood with strong schools and where everyone knew each other.

All this despite being a lesbian and raising Megan alone, however, Kate wasn't the only lesbian. There was Tanya, beautiful Tanya. How in the world did she find a beautiful lesbian in Beverly?

She had, though, at soccer, last summer. Tanya was the Team Mother for Megan's group, and Kate first laid eyes on her on opening day, while Tanya addressed the parents. Tanya stood at 5' 11" and wore a tank top that exposed toned arms and shorts that hugged a shapely butt, accentuating a pair of endless legs. She looked different from the other moms, but she still looked like a mom. Married and a mom like every other woman who had attended opening day.

Parents brought blankets and chairs to watch their kids practice, but Tanya brought nothing. "Would you like to share my blanket?" Kate asked.

"Oh, thank you! I can't believe I forgot my chair," Tanya replied. Her soothing voice made Kate smile.

Sitting next to Tanya, Kate tried to focus on Megan's practice, but she was too distracted. Sometimes she would stare at the silky texture of Tanya's wavy hair or at her tiny breasts that nudged the fabric of her tank. Then, sometimes her stare would fall to Tanya's crotch, covered with tight shorts that hugged her folds. But it was the tiny ring on Tanya's finger that had stirred Kate the most. A simple silver band with a pink triangle in its middle, the universal sign.

Feeling bold and wanting to confirm her suspicion, Kate had asked, "Are you married?"

"No," Tanya replied. "I'm gay."

I'm gay. Kate would never forget those words.


Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.

Music for blogging - Hole

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