A Real Date - At Home?

A Real Date-At Home?
Inside Jolie's Head - 4/29/2007

My husband (the cop) and I have been married for over twenty years. The best part about knowing someone intimately for so long is feeling like the person is an extension of your body.

My husband is truly my best friend. There isn't anything that I can't talk to him about. He is the only person that I completely trust, and I know that he has a genuine concern for me.

He's the one who listens to me complain and then lets me know when I need to be more positive. He's the shoulder I can cry on when I'm at my wits end. He's the one who I can laugh with about something that only he and I understand. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that he may know me better than I know myself. I love my husband very much.

Even though we've been together for so long, we still go out on dates - dinner out together alone, or we meet with friends. But the best dates we have are those we spend at home.

Some folks don't feel like they're on a date unless they leave the house and spend money. My husband and I don't have that problem.

We rent a movie, we look for one on TIVO, or sometimes we buy one depending on whether it's really good, and we have movie night together. We make a pot of coffee or we pop some popcorn and pour ourselves some Cokes. Since I spend my life with someone who enjoys quality movies, sometimes more than I do, it has become a hobby that we share. When I get lazy. When I want to watch something stupid so that I don't have to think, hubby keeps me on track.

So think about a home movie night with your significant other. Watching quality movies together stimulates your brains and gives you lots to talk about. Good conversation in a relationship is key - don't you think? Here are 8 movies of quality that my husband and I have watched lately:

The Departed

Thank You for Smoking

Little Miss Sunshine

Match Point

An Inconvenient Truth

United 93

Shut Up & Sing

Casino Royale

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance

(Music for 4/29/2007 Blogging - Chevelle)

The Sweet Smell of Sex

Over at Pretty Dumb Things, Chelsea Girl wonders about her committed relationship and why they are having less than stellar sex:

And I have tried, I have tried and I have tried to get Donny to hear my complaints. I have mentioned how he used to tie me up and wasn't that fun, wouldn't he like a go at the old ropes again? I have said, wow, I really liked it when you dripped me with candle wax, whaddaya think, got a match? I have said, you know, I really enjoy being spanked. How about spanking me? I have insinuated, intimated, directly addressed, queried, said outright and asked point blank. I have done so for almost a year, and for almost a year, I have seen our sex life get more and more firmly entrenched in what I can only term in absolute honesty as a rut.

Saturday, I lost patience, and I kinda sorta, no really, let Donny have it. I told him that I was dissatisfied. I reminded him of the sex we used to have--long, languorous and perverse loops of time and experience where we held each other suspended in passion and occasional pain. I told him that I realized that this kind of sex wasn't an everyday option, but given how rarely we do fuck, that I needed it to happen more frequently than it had.

I told him, in short, that we were in a rut. I told him that I wanted out. Whether I meant the rut or the relationship was intentionally ambiguous.

"Well," he said, a stricken look on his face, "when I met you and we did all that stuff, I wasn't in love with you. But now I love you, and..." his voice trailed off.

Which leaves me to wonder. What has love got to do with it? Why now that my boyfriend is in love with me and I with him, now that he takes care of me, now that he's committed to me, why with all of that, does the nasty need to go away? Why can't he fuck me like the little whore I used to be (and still am in my mind)? Why must I sacrifice the wild ecstatic pleasures to the domestic delights? Why do I have to lose my lover to gain a partner?

Why can't I have it all?

...I hope fervently that we can relearn how to be beasty in the bedroom and keep the commitment. It's a lot less easy than I thought it would be.

Yes, Chelsea, it is. It will be. Relationships take work and sometimes that work along with the daily grind make sex between committed partners seem more like sex with a friend or a sibling even. (Yeesh!)

That spark, that je ne sais quoi, that makes folks tumble into bed together is dampened if not completely put out by the wet blanked of security, familiarity and comfort which we all prize in our relationships ~ well, at least until it smothers the sex, then we wonder if it's all it's cracked-up to be.

Without trying to play counselor to Chelsea and Donny ~ the former I've 'conversed with' a few times, the later I don't know from Adam ~ I do have general advice for this general situation of a general sexual rut. And it's really simple: Hit him in the nose.

No, not literally. Use his sense of smell to get him in the mood.

Memories, complete with all associated emotions such as arousal and lust, can be prompted by smell. I'm serious ~ it works for both men and women. And I'm not talking about pheromones or other odors you either aren't aware of or cannot control; I'm talking about recreating the fragrances you both fell in lust with. Your perfume, his cologne, candles, incense ~ even the smell of a smoky bar can literally be that magic "something in the air" which you've been missing.

Smells are strongly linked to memory, so simply spritzing on that signature perfume you always used to wear when you were dating or lighting candles in the same scents you first made-out to can take your partner back to those emotional feelings. I personally know a couple whose sex life soared to re-newed heights when she took a part-time job back in waitressing. Every night that she returned home smelling of fried foods it took him back to when he used to pick her up after work late at night... They were young then, and their night was just beginning...

Who knew fried foods could be so sexy?

Well, in truth, it's not the fried foods but the smell connected to emotion. One whiff and he was transported back in time... A time when he couldn't wait to get a chance to feel her up under her polyester uniform and prayed for more. His drive returned with the memories (and she made a bit of extra spending cash to buy herself new trinkets which made her feel sexy too). Win-win!

So dig out that bottle of perfume or cologne you once put on for every date night ~ I don't care if those fragrances are so last year (or even so 1980's), just put them on again. (Unless these bottles themselves have turned bad, then head to the store and buy a new bottle. If they stopped making that fragrance, ask the lady at the perfume counter to help you find the latest scent which is the closest match.) Ditto on the candles ~ burn Christmas candles all year long if you were getting hot and sweaty during holiday time.

If you don't believe me ~ and Gracie can make many a man heel with just a spritz of CoCo Channel on stationary ~ then believe Dr. Alan Hirsch founder of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago. Dr. Hirsch has studied olfactory-evoked nostalgia (sometimes called the Proust Effect) and he says, "The quickest way to affect somebody's moods or behavior, quicker than with any other sensory modality, is with smell."

This is because of how smell and memory are linked ~ in fact, we must first remember a smell before identifying it. This means that not only is odor linked to experiences, that smell evokes memories, but that smell is better at this memory cue effect than the other senses. So if you want him to remember a special time, a special feeling ~ that feeling ~ think less about how you look or what you are wearing, but about what you both are smelling.

This is entirely unconscious, so you need not get your partner to agree ~ or even tell them about your sweet-smelling seduction plans!

Of course, some scent memories may have changed over time. For example, some women can no longer wear their old favorite fragrance because that smell is linked to the memory, and nausea, of morning sickness. But this too is good news ~ it's proof that your smell-memory connection can be relearned. If your partner isn't keen on smelling like fried foods every night just to get it on, start spritzing on a new perfume, lighting candles, or even get a new car fragrance tree on the rear-view if you can't wait to get home to do it ~ whatever new scent you add to the hot steamy sex will quickly become the new sexy smell memory.

If all else fails, serve him pumpkin pie while burning a lavender candle. Dr. Hirsch found the smell of pumpkin pie, when mixed with the smell of lavender, stimulated male sexual arousal more than any other aroma tested. It increased penile blood flow in test subjects by 40 per cent, 13 times more than designer perfume.

First Love, Real Love?

My first love was named Robert. He was blonde and blue eyed and I was head over heels in love. We held hands in empty classrooms and danced to "Faithfully" by Journey. That was it. So was that really love?

According to Jonathan Small in his article at Women's Health, he'd say no. In fact, he'd say that everything that came before his "real" true love, his wife, was " lopsided, complicated, exhaustingly emotional tugs-of-war." Does that mean that in order to be real love has to fit some kind of definition?

I don't think so. I still think of Robert as my first love. What I felt - at 15 - was the realest thing I'd ever felt that I could call love. That wasn't attached to a parent or other relative anyway. It was real to me and I validate it by accepting it are my first love. Some people have said to me, "Well, all you did was hold hands! How could you possibly have been in love!" But really, what does that have to do with it? People fall in love without having sex, without kissing, without holding hands, and sometimes without even meeting in real life.

There is no concrete way to define love. There is no concrete way of expressing love. There is no concrete form of love. Over the years of your life you'll experience many different kinds of love - unrequited love, painful love, joyous love, comfortable love. These may all be with different people or they can even be within a single relationship. Love is not unchanging. Love changes frequently, from person to person, from year to year, from month to month, from week to week, and even from day to day.

But that doesn't change how you feel. Love is still love, whether you dress it in satin and bows or leather and a dog collar.

Carrie White: Seven Years of Creating Fantasies

Carrie White is based in London, but her erotic literary work has gained international respect ~ proving love and lust know no international boundaries.

She began writing professionally in the year 2000 and has been published in many web-based publications, printed erotic magazines and has also made various international T.V appearances, including Playboy's Sexcetera & Men & Motors' Fetish Seen.

That's seven years of creating fantasies... Professionally anyway. *wink* How does she do it? Let's ask her.

Carrie, coming up with story after story, fantasy after fantasy, how do you do it and not become bored or jaded? What puts the spark back in the writer?

It's easy to get bored writing the same type of stories all the time as you probably know so over the years I've been slowly changing the way I write.

When I first started as an erotic writer, I just stuck to heterosexual sex as it was so easy but then I got fed up with writing about that and wanted to liven things up a bit so I tried writing about lesbian/bisexual sex. After that, I made some attempts at writing gay sex. They all sound so easy to do but they each have their own difficulties to overcome. For example, gay sex is hard to write about if you're a woman and haven't a clue as to how men relate to one another. It takes time, practice and research to figure it out and I've got it wrong on many occasions!

I'm also attempting to write outside of my usual interests though I wouldn't go so far into those areas because I feel my stories have to turn me on to work. I've written some light spanking stories again back with heterosexual couples.

I've also wanted to write about situations and sexual liaisons outside of the conventional meetings between people, i.e. Dogging or Glory hole sex. Just to spice things up for me as well as my readers. I will not, however, write about anything that I do not find overly exciting myself e.g. fetishes like men in nappies or dressing up in animal costumes.

I have been known to add a bit of psychological horror or intrigue in with my erotic stories; not enough to class them as erotic horror but just enough to add a twist. It's also not usually strong enough for readers to say, "Gads, that does not turn me on!" I like to think it makes them think, lol, but I could be wrong!

What lessons are there here for couples?

The lessons here that I see for couples is that if erotic writers can become bored and uninspired whilst writing about sex, isn't it then likely or possible that couples may also become stale in the bedroom?

To keep churning out the same old style and type of stories as a writer is equally as bad as letting your intimate relationships get stuck in a rut. Add variety, push some boundaries. Dress up, remember how it used to be when you started to go out with your partner, remember what turned you on about them then. Talk about your fantasies, and about theirs.

Don't neglect some of the most important aspects of foreplay like kissing. Hell, don't neglect the foreplay! A lot of women are unable to climax through orgasm so 9 times out of 10 these women are left frustrated because they need oral to orgasm. If your man comes every time you have sex, why the hell shouldn't you, too?

OK, I touched on a sore point here...ahem...I'll shut up now....;)

You can find out more about author Carrie White and her writings at her website, Hentracks, and at her blog, Ink's Erotica.

So Glad I'm No Longer Single

This is just too cute true not to share: Unsolicited Advice #361.

(You know, making a relationship work, keeping the spark alive may be hard, but man-0-man am I glad I'm not single!)

Rachel Kramer Bussel on One Night Stands and Other Fantasies For Couples

One of the most popular themes in erotic stories is the "one night stand" or "sex with strangers" theme. It's a dark stormy night, they are trapped in an unfamiliar place... all alone, until... Or their eyes lock at the airport and they share more than a taxi...

I know many happily married people who would never stray or cheat who love these sorts of stories. I don't think it means their relationship is 'doomed' *wink* But I thought I'd ask Rachel Kramer Bussel, erotic author, editor and host of the erotic reading series, In The Flesh, what she thought...

Rachel, what do you think reading 'one night stand' or 'sex with a stranger' stories means as far as the reader's relationship goes? What are these readers looking for?

I think there's a massive difference between having a fantasy and especially reading or writing an erotica story and wanting to actually do that thing in real life. But plenty of people like to explore the idea of opening up their relationship. I think it's totally natural to get turned on by other people, whether real people or celebrities or strangers you pass on the street. It doesn't mean anything in terms of the person you're actually with, and to me, one of the hottest things couples can do is fantasize together. So rather than just keeping your lust for your hot new coworker a secret, you can tell your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend and together you can weave a fantasy about what you would do with that person. Or you don't even have to go there; you can fantasize about what that person's sex life is like, you can put all your most naughty thoughts onto them.

I think people turn to erotica to give them something they don't necessarily have in their sex life, or to share something with a partner, to either read aloud or explore in their head. I would say most people have sexual fantasies lurking somewhere in their minds, whether overtly or in the more hidden reaches and reading erotica can help bring that out. I certainly don't think it means a relationship is doomed even if you have the wildest fantasies imaginable. In some
ways, I'd worry about a person if they never had some wild, outrageous sexual fantasy.

For instance, in She's on Top there's a story called "Working Late" by Andrea Dale. Here's a snippet:

"Good. Keep stroking yourself, but not enough to come yet."

I imagined his hand gripping his hard, slick length under the desk, sliding from balls to tip, with a little twist at the end to give the head extra stimulation. It was something I loved to watch, but I could imagine well enough.

My toes curled in my stockings. I wanted him. Soon.

"Ma'am!"

"Yes, Jack?"

He was frozen in place, eyes wide.

"I just saw my boss walk by. I . . . I need to stop."

Felicity Jordan, his new CEO. He'd admitted he was quite attracted to her. She was a sexy thing, to be sure: forty-five and mature, with a gym-strong body and wheat-colored hair cut in a thick bob.

"No," I said. "Keep going."

He broke protocol then, but I wouldn't hold it against him because he had a valid point. "We agreed this would never interfere with or jeopardize my job."

"And it won't, Jack. Keep going." I smiled again, a fresh wave of desire shivering through me as the game advanced. "I've made arrangements with Felicity. That would be Ms. Jordan to you tonight."

It explores how a husband's fantasies about another woman get incorporated into his kinky exchange with his wife. I think sometimes people feel so threatened by the idea of their partner thinking of someone else in that way, they fail to appreciate how erotic it can be to draw out that fantasy, tease the person, ask what exactly they would do if they got their object of affection all alone. I'm sure it can't be just me who gets off on hearing my partner share intimate details about what they think about when they jerk off. To me, that's such a precious insight into their mind and libido and I truly treasure it.

How can a couple address these issues in their own relationships?

There are different ways, but I think the first is to acknowledge the reality that over time, you'll likely want to do things your partner might not or have erotic thoughts that aren't exactly in line with your partner's, and that's okay. The trick is to figure out how you can combine them, where your interests do intersect, and how you can make this process hot for both of you.

I'm a huge fan of talking dirty, but maybe you're more visual. Finding ways to just add a new twist, whether that's eating a meal naked in your kitchen or having some special symbol for "I'm horny" that you can flash to each other at a party or on an airplane. Maybe it's writing erotic letters (or emails or text messages) to each other. There are lots of ways, and they can be subtle. Even if you're shy and don't want to explicitly talk about your fantasy, you can hint to your partner -- or make them guess.

I think accepting that fantasies of all kinds are perfectly healthy and don't threaten the relationship, which I consider part of self-love, is the first step, then together figuring out how you want to deal with such fantasies. And making sure you each have room for solo time, whether for masturbation, porn, erotic reading, or just having some area of your life that may be all your own, whether a few minutes pleasuring yourself in the shower or those intimate thoughts you don't wind up sharing but keep tucked away.

Here's a snippet from He's on Top, from Gwen Masters' story "Confession," which is a bit rougher and darker than what I was just talking about but addresses the essence of silence and fantasy and love and betrayal and arousal in this story about cheating -- and making up.

"Did you confess all your sins, Clarice?"

"Yes."

"I want you to confess them to me. I want you to tell me all the bad things you have done. I want you to tell me how you fucked me even while you didn't love me, and I want you to tell me how you faked those orgasms, and I want you to tell me how bad you want this cock in your ass."

Clarice started to tremble. The head of her husband's cock pressed hard against her back door and she tensed up, suddenly afraid.

"Confess," he whispered.

"I fucked a man I didn't love," she said, and as she did, she felt him push harder. Now there was a slow burning sensation between her cheeks, but she found it was more pleasant than anything else. "I faked orgasms for a long time. I acted like the good wife when I really wasn't."

"Tell me more."

"I played with myself while my husband was at work," she said, and Max paused in surprise. Clarice bit down hard on her lip while the burning spread, filling her whole center, making her whimper in protest.

"I'm not going to stop," he said, "Because I know you don't want me to. Confess."

"When I played with myself I pretended that I was fucking someone else. I pretended my husband was tied to the chair in the bedroom and made to watch while someone else made me come over and over and over."

Max pushed harder. Clarice cried out with the sudden flash of pain. Almost immediately the pleasure took over and then there was a dull roaring in her ears, the sound of her own blood pumping furiously. Her clit throbbed.

"Do you like being fucked up the ass, Clarice? Do you like feeling like a slut? Only sluts do that, you know. No good Catholic girl would dream of letting a man sodomize her. This makes you a Godless heathen, doesn't it? It makes you a slut, Clarice."

With that her husband shoved his cock to the hilt, buried himself between her cheeks and ground down hard against her. It hurt like hell but God help her, she wanted it. She cried out and thrashed under him, not sure if she really wanted to get away, knowing damn good and well he wouldn't let her anyway.

About Rachel Kramer Bussel:

I've edited a dozen anthologies, most recently He's on Top, She's on Top, Caught Looking and Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z. My website is rachelkramerbussel.com and my blogs are Lusty Lady and the less naughty, but still very seductive, Cup Cakes Take The Cake.

No one IS Sex

A few years back I had a friend who contributed towards my growing as a sexual person. She is an amazing person. I'm going to call her Peaches because that was my special nickname for her and because no one who reads this would identify her by that name except for a few people who know her and I really well.

Anyway, Peaches is this beautiful woman who is completely secure in her sexuality. She's had a wide array of sexual experiences and isn't afraid of trying new things. When I met her she was very curvy. Some would say overweight but I prefer to say she was voluptuous. She's a lot thinner now and the funny thing is it hasn't made her sexier. She's just as sexy as she ever was. But when she was curvier, she wasn't ashamed of it. She embraced her curves. But this isn't about her curves. This is about how people perceived her and how people have perceived me.

This is about how the world perceives a woman who is confident in her sexuality.

Peaches could talk about anything sexually. She didn't reveal everything to everyone because she didn't need to but if someone asked her a question she wasn't ashamed to give an honest answer. Peaches loved men and sometimes women (and I was fortunate enough to be one of those women for a time) and could see beauty in all sorts of people. She loved to laugh and a lot of the time we were laughing about sex because let's face it, sex can be pretty damn funny sometimes. She loved to tease and play coy and loved knowing that she could arouse someone. Sex was fun. Sex could be serious with her too but that was reserved for special people.

One day someone said, "Peaches IS sex!" I don't recall whether they said it to her face or behind her back. If they said it to her face I know she would have been very upset about it. If they said it in front of me, I was very upset. To this day I don't remember which it was. Years later, someone said the same thing about me. If you're a sex worker or a writer who enjoys the topic of sex maybe someone has said that about you, too.

No one IS sex. They may enjoy talking about it, writing about it, or participating in it for fun or as a career, but NO ONE IS sex. People who love sex have lives and I think it is important for others to realize that.

Peaches also loved kitties and had a really close relationship with her family. She had an eating disorder as a teenager that was very difficult to overcome. She got hurt by people's words and sometimes she cried. She is incredibly intelligent and has a degree in Art History. She's written some fabulous papers. She struggles with depression. There are parts of her life that are great and some not so great. She's not sex.

I'm a single mom and I take my parenting role very seriously. I'm engaged to a wonderful man and we don't just fuck our brains out every night. We talk and we laugh a lot and we worry about bills and whether "the girl" (my daughter) is growing up too fast and if "the boy" (my son) is getting enough sleep. We make plans for our future and have goals that don't include when we can find time for a quickie. I am not sex.

People can love sex or work in the sex industry or both, but no one IS sex.

Toy Box

Toy Box

Book Report - Sex Toys 101 - A Playfully Uninhibited Guide
By Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah (Founders of Toys in Babeland)

Inside Jolie's Head - 4/15/2007


More and more, sex toys (vibrators, dildos, etc) are coming out of the box and out in the open. We're talking about them more and we're using them more. Indeed, women like Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah, the founders of Toys in Babeland - encourage us to embrace our sexuality and to experiment with toys.

We're a fun-loving, feminist sex toy store, celebrating sexual vitality and educating our community. Women and vibrators go together like kitties and catnip, yet most places that sell sex toys make women uncomfortable. At Toys in Babeland, we have created an environment where women feel welcome.

Sex Toys 101 is a workshop offered at Toys in Babeland (along with such workshops as G-Spot 101, Anal Sex 101 and Bend Him Over 101.) The book Sex Toys 101 is offered as a way to share the information to more people than those who can take the workshop.

I found Sex Toys 101 is as beautiful as a coffee table book, with lovely full color photographs and an attractive, easy layout of information.

What's inside the book?

Recipe for Delight (How to Lick Pussy) - Page 19

Feel the Burn, Baby (Make Your Orgasms Stronger) - Page 23

Meet The Vibrators - Page 44

Gearing Up For Getting Down (Dildos and Strap-Ons) - Page 60

Getting Past The Anal Taboo - Page 91

BDSM Safety Suggestions - Page 136

Do Lesbians Really Need to Have Safe Sex? - Page 165

And much, much, much more.

In Sex Toys 101, there's something for anyone - male, female, gay or straight.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance
(Music for 4/15/2007 blogging - Elliott Yamin)

The Thrill of True Intimacy

I love to write stories that focus on intimacy. In fact, I try to find intimacy somewhere in any story, whether it be a scenario of a one-night-stand or a long-term relationship. Intimacy is all about emotion, about the connections that little to do with the sexual act itself, but can make that act so much more pleasing.

Creating intimacy in stories means creating a character that readers can relate to, someone who has fears and issues and needs that mirror our own. If you feel as though you are reading about a friend instead of a character created on a page, then you've just read a story that's loaded with intimacy. Creating that is sometimes very easy; other times, it's not so easy, because it means delving into my own psyche, my own relationships, and finding parts to share with the world. It's like a very intense, personal therapy session.

That deep introspection came into play when I wrote Something Old, Something New, one of my short stories featured on Tit-Elation. The story is about Karen and Heather, two women who have kids, mortgages, long-term marriages and years of friendship between them. When they walk into a thrift store to buy jeans for their kids, they stumble upon the basket of lingerie - and the wheels begin to turn.

Karen picked up a leopard print thong and a matching bra and announced, "These are mine!"

Heather was more for the black lingerie. Anything black - it was suddenly what she had to have. Why hadn't she done this in so long? She remembered shopping for things when she was dating Ken, spending hours in lingerie stores, when she had more money than she knew what to do with, before kids and responsibilities came along. She used to surprise him with new things. Pretty gowns, gorgeous babydoll outfits, even negligees with daring cutouts in all the right places. Where had that woman gone?

How long has it been since they dressed up for their husbands? In the midst of their busy lives, the dial on their sex lives has been turned way down, and they hadn't noticed it until now. The days of newlyweds are long gone – but could they possibly bring them back?

Even in the most solid relationship, even when you know someone better than you know yourself, there is still room for sensual surprise. When Karen brings home a drawerful of lingerie, she rekindles a passion in her husband that reminds her of the things that attracted her in the first place.

I wrote that story with an eye toward my own life. My sex life with my partner was good, but what could I do to make it better? What were the first things to fall to the wayside in the course of our busy lives? What was it that connected me to him in the very beginning, when our love was fresh and new? What could I do to find those things again?

It wasn't at all about the sexuality - it was about the things that made the sexuality richer. When I paid attention to the little details of romance, everything about our lives went from good to fantastic.

I left love notes in unexpected places. I made a point of wearing his favorite perfume. I cuddled with him in restaurants and held his hand in public. I sent him emails telling him what I loved about him. I called him at work and teased him with my words. I bought clothes that appealed to him - even those stiletto heeled boots I swore I would never wear! I wore them and they turned him on, not just because he loves a woman in stiletto heels, but because I had remembered that small fact and then made a point of acting upon it.

Most importantly, we talked. I told him about my fears, my dreams, my desires, and he told me such things in return. As I learned more about him, I learned about things that turned him on - even after I thought I knew everything that made him tick!

When we went to bed at night, the intimacy I had shown him outside of the bedroom translated to glorious sexual intimacy between the sheets.

That growing intimacy between us did wonders for my own emotional well-being. I was wearing those heels for him in the beginning, but soon I was wearing them for me - because they made me feel sexy. Writing a love note made me feel desirable, as I described all the things I loved about him and all the reasons I was attracted to him. I started to do things for myself that made me feel deliciously sensual, like getting a massage, having my nails done, or buying new lingerie.
The confidence that shone from my sensuality boosted his confidence, too. He felt like the stud I couldn't wait to get my hands on. I felt like the woman he desired above all else.

We kept the lines of communication open, made a conscientious effort to please each other outside of the bedroom, and kept our emotional connection strong. Now our time behind that bedroom door is a reflection of just how good the rest of our relationship really is.

One of the most important lessons I've learned over the years is this: Intimacy with yourself is just as important as intimacy with your partner. The two of them feed from one another, grow together, and leave you not only as a more satisfied person, but as half of a much happier couple.

© Gwen Masters

Gwen Masters is a redheaded southern belle who drives way too fast, plays the music way too loud, and writes some of my favorite erotica. You can find out more about her at her website, GwenMasters.Net, and her bog.

Sexploration

There comes a time in every relationship where the sex just gets boring! Ok, I'm sure that there are some relationships out there where this isn't a fact, but I know that it happens often. There's a reason why 1 in 5 marriages are non-sexual (numbers varying depending on what study you're looking at). The fact of the matter is women (and sometimes men) just get tired of the old "you do this to me and I do this to you and then you sigh like that and I move on to part two..." routine. That's the point - it gets to be routine when you learn what you partner likes. And you might be giving them orgasms, but it doesn't mean it hasn't gotten boring.

Try taking a break from sex. Seriously. Just intercourse though. You're still going to have some fun. Take the amount of time that passes between your sexual encounters with you partner and double it. Now for that amount of time, vow that there will be no penetration between you (if you're a lesbian couple replace penetration with whatever is your definition of the culmination of sex). Or no orgasms. But that doesn't mean no intimacy.

For one night focus on touch. You can touch each other however you like but you can't move on to penetration. Find new erogenous zones, bring the excitement high, then back up until you are both calm. The next night, focus on your audio-erotic senses. Read each other naughty stories, listen to sensual music, or tell you partner what you would like him or her to do to you. Play little games with each other for the next while until you time is up.

When you time is up, bring every thing you have learned about your partner with you to the bedroom. Use it and play with it. This time you can culminate your passions any way you choose. Whatever you do, I'll bet it won't be boring.

The Public Exposure of Roxanne

Gracie interviews Roxanne Rhoads, a freelance writer, erotica author and poet from the mid-west.

When it comes to male characters, do you draw from real life or do you create characters who will do the things you think are 'missing' or that you want men to do?

I mix it up. Some of my characters are drawn from real life some from the deepest parts of my imagination and fantasies. Mostly they are a combination of men in my life, both past and present, with added features. Reality never seems to be as good as fantasy, though sometimes it can get close.

I think writers create their own fantasies and live them out in their stories as much as readers want to escape into the stories.

What was one of the most seductive things you've ever made a female character do? Is this something you would do/have done?

Sex in public (out in the open) is probably one of these most seductive things I've made a female character do. I think it is most seductive because it is the most out of character thing for me. I'm more of a "I'll do pretty much anything as long as it's behind closed doors" type of girl. I'm more of a voyeur than an exhibitionist and being totally open and exposed like that is something I don't know if I could do in real life, but I fantasize about it.

It is a re-occurring scene in many of my stories; Renata and the Vampire Hunter, Eternal Passions, and PrincessBreastia's Quest for Desire, all have public/outdoor sex scenes. Perhaps it is one of my biggest sub-conscious desires and that's why I keep writing about it...

Why don't you try this fantasy ~ how do you decide to let it remain a fantasy and not
try it?

I think the fear of being caught in a compromising position is the biggest reason the "sex in public/outside" fantasy will remain a fantasy. Plus the fact that if you're caught it is illegal. :-)

If the right circumstances were to ever come up I would love to fulfil one major fantasy that involves having sex
outside - that would be having sex in the steamy rain on a hot summer day (or night). But it would have to be in a secluded area where the chances of being caught would be slim to none.

Some people thrive on the fear, the chance that they will be caught or seen but like I said before I'm not much of an exhibitionist.

Roxanne's work has appeared in Playgirl Magazine, and on many websites including Tit-elation.com, JustusRoux.com, TheEroticWoman.com, and OystersandChocolate.com. Her paranormal erotica story Renata and the Vampire Hunter is available at LadyAibell.com.

How To Get Along With Boys

It's EASY to Win Him!

..When You Know How!

Times haven't changed... Much. We still wonder how to win our mates, just like they did when this vintage dating self-help book was published.

The old ad reads:

Men are funny ~ you never know whether you're making the right move or not. Avoid disappointment, heart-break! Save yourself lots of tragedy!

And what happens when you've won him? Isn't he still 'funny' or hard to read? Don't you still worry if you're making the right move or not?

While some of the questions posed in this old publication, like "How To Have Personality," may seem rather corny ~ and I'm sure the answers wouldn't be any better or accepted by us today ~ most of the questions still are asked by women today. Women who are trying to understand their partner, or by those who wish married life was more like when they were dating. I know men feel the same way too...

When dating we are at once trying to be understood as well as be understanding. We are focused on the other person and enjoy being the focus ourselves. If we are serious about knowing the other person and being known in return (the only way both people can be accepted is to be known) we expose some of ourselves as we try to see more of the other person. It's kind of like stripping the emotional clothing off to see the naked person beneath ~ as I remove something, so does he. And when we first see those new parts, we marvel and compliment each other. We accept one another. Should we see something concerning or problematic, we talk about it and try to work it out because, after all, while dating we are very aware that we ourselves are not perfect and we too would like to be accepted if not appreciated.

The real difference between dating and staying in a committed relationship is really our attitudes. After all, we do know 'how to get along with him'; we've got him. Wouldn't it be wise and a whole lot more fun if we treated our committed relationships more like dating, if we continued to focus on these 'how tos' that we mastered while dating?

(For more fun Gracie says: Click the pic to see/read a larger version ~ and the book has been reprinted and is for sale here.)

Such A Dirty Man

Enjoy an erotic story today! Alan and Beth are at the beginning of something very exciting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Such a Dirty Man

by Autumn Seave

When Alan's niece, Jennesa, asked him to help her school start a garden he didn't think much about it before he said yes. He never expected the decision to have such a positive impact on his life though. Beth, the Educational Assistant in Jennesa's class was the teacher who volunteered to help him and she made him think about things he had not thought about in a long time. She made him think about that girl who had come into his life twenty years ago and then disappeared. She made him think about walks along the beach at sunset. And she made him think about sex.

Alan was attracted to her immediately. She was pretty in an uncomplicated way. Green eyes prevented her from looking like a typical girl-next-door and the flip at the end of her long, brown pony tail made her seem younger than she probably was. In her khaki shorts and black tank top she looked almost waifish but the tiny nipples that peaked her small breasts gave him an instant hard on.

Beth came every weekday over the summer. She picked everything up very quickly and listened attentively when he spoke. As the summer went on, he found himself spending longer periods of time with her in the greenhouse and had to stay up later at night to get his accounting work done. Fortunately, he worked freelance and could choose when he would work. He enjoyed listening to her talk as well. When she spoke about her students she would get all animated. When she told him about the things she was doing to train for her first triathlon, he found himself getting excited about it, too. He imagined himself waiting for her at the end of the finish line and having her jump into his arms, exhausted but proud.

One particularly hot day in August, Beth was telling him how she had beaten her own lap record at the pool this morning. He hugged her without thinking and was a little surprised when she held it longer than necessary. She pressed her nose into his t-shirt and took a long whiff.

"Did you just smell my shirt?" he laughed. "It can't smell very good."

"It does. It smells like soil and soap - like you."

A flush came to her cheeks and she quickly turned back to the plant she'd been trimming. Alan stared at her brown shoulders in the pink tank top in wonderment. Was it possible that she might feel the same way about him as he did for her?

In a rare moment of total distraction, Alan turned away, stumbled over a potted plant on the floor, and fell against Beth. He just narrowly missed falling on her, but set her off balance as well. She fell forward and he caught her. As they fell, Alan knocked over a bag of open soil that was sitting on a low table and they were soon covered in fresh dirt.

"I'm so sorry," Alan stammered.

"Great, now I'm all dirty," Beth said.

For a moment he thought she was serious. Then she began to laugh. Soon he was laughing as well. And then he was kissing her; and she was kissing him back.

"Beth..."

He stopped abruptly when she began to pull up his shirt, rubbing her hands over his body, simultaneously pushing the dirt away and rubbing it into his chest hair. Again, she pressed her nose into his chest and inhaled deeply.

"Beth..." he tried again.

This time she halted his words by sliding her tank top over her head. Those hard points were even more beautiful than the visions he saw in his head at night. There was no doubt in his mind now about how she felt about him. No sooner was her shirt off than she was tearing at the zipper of his jeans.

Now that Alan had recovered from his surprise, he began to help her in removing their clothes. Soon, they were rolling in the rich soil that covered the floor. Her hands were everywhere at once - caressing his chest, clutching at his ass, and stroking his cock into the most amazing erection he remembered having in a long time.

Without warning, she turned onto her back and presented her open lips to him. They glistened with her excitement and her light brown pubic hair was damp and curly.

"Alan, I need to have you inside me now but unless you have a condom handy, that's going to have to wait. Fingers will have to do for now. Unless you'd rather watch?"

"No, I need to touch you. Let me."

His fingers slid inside her and his thumb rubbed over her clit. Her hips rose against his hand as she sighed. Then her eyes were open again and she was reaching for his cock. She stroked him gently at first and then more firmly as she sensed his need. His fingers kept up with her pace. He loved watching her excitement build.

"Alan..."

And then her muscles began to spasm around his fingers. He watched as she came, her pussy pressing against the whole of his hand, eyes closed in uninhibited release. As the muscle contractions slowed her hand began to caress his rod with renewed enthusiasm. With his eyes on hers, it was only moments before he came, his come landing first, in a small pile of soil just past her right nipple, then dribbling over her stomach.

"You're such a dirty man," Beth said.

"I'm sorry," Alan began.

"No," Beth laughed, "you're dirty. You have dirt all over you. I think we'd better get you into a shower before that clump of dirt finds it way into your ear."

"And I think I might have condoms in the house," he said, grinning madly.

As she dressed, he didn't think of the girl he loved in his twenties, but he did see Beth walking beside him, water lapping at their feet, and the sunset cooling their skin.


If you'd like to read more stories, visit Inky Blue Allusions Free Stories section.

If Love Is Blind, What Are Romance and Arousal?

Gracie ask erotic romance author Alessia Brio about fantasies and what it takes to make them...

When creating short stories, you are creating fantasies ~ how do you come up with the ideas?

I have a wicked imagination. *grin* When writing, I typically tone it down a notch or two so as not to shock the readers (or alienate the publishers). My work is predominantly published in the romance genre, and that industry has a rather... um, narrow framework for its sex. I'm not a fan of rules, but I do need to earn a living. Ideas are never a problem for me. Finding time to package them into marketable works? Yeah, THAT is a problem.

What do readers say about your stories? What do they seem to respond to the most?

The words that pop up most frequently in my feedback are "irreverent," "realistic," and "raw." I'm somewhat of an acquired taste and that spills over into my characters. Readers respond well to their humor and their (as one reviewer put it) "unapologetic sexuality." (In other words, their natural sluttiness.) I have a tough time writing a protagonist who doesn't share my values, and I think that gives my work a unique flavor.

What is the number one thing writing erotic romance stories has taught you personally about yourself?

That I'm not "normal" (as my writing partner is fond of reminding me). Normal is boring. Releasing a fantasy into the wild is a frightening venture. Erotic fiction (I still have a hard time using the word romance), moreso than other products of the imagination, is particularly susceptible to criticism. Sex is something we all have in common. It's inescapable. Thus, everyone has an opinion on it. As writers, we're dancing naked in front of a crowd, and the audience is either going to be aroused -- or bored. Fortunately, I don't suffer from performance anxiety.

What is the number one thing you think couples can learn from reading erotic romance? And in particular, what do you think your stories say? As in, "The moral of my stories would be..."

Hmm. That depends on whether they're reading it together or separately. The biggest obstacle to enriching a couple's sex life is that first frank conversation. I think reading that erotic fiction TOGETHER would have enormous payoffs in terms of opening those lines of communication.

My stories, in particular, emphasize that gender is irrelevant in terms of eroticism. It's the person's mind that ultimately attracts us, not their plumbing. That basic truth also extends to other differences (such as race, age, disability, faith, etc.). So, my underlying "message" is always one of acceptance.

I agree that our minds are the biggest turn-ons, that our brains are the biggest & most important sex organs; but so many people worry about not looking like a model or being unable to swing from chandeliers... What specifically do you think makes a story, a fantasy, erotic? In other words, what do you do in creating a fantasy, in the writing of a story which would translate to couples doing this in their relationships?

One of the ways I've learned I differ from a great many people is that I'm not visually stimulated -- as least not primarily so. In fact, it's the last of my senses to be triggered during sex. Thus, the eroticism in my work is not visual in nature. I rarely describe physical attributes as they're SEEN, but rather as they're felt or heard or smelled or tasted. That makes it easier for a variety of readers to insert themselves into my work.

I think that in order to "swing from the chandeliers," we need to focus less on the visual and more on the other senses. Very few people look like cover models. Women, in particular, seem prone to being overly critical of their appearances. My recommendation--as an experiment for timid couples--is to BOTH wear a blindfold until you learn to rely on the other senses for arousal.

And so, on that note, we have the answer to the question, If Love Is Blind, What Are Romance and Arousal?

Romance and arousal are blindfolded. *wink*

Alessia Brio is a sassy tart who lives in the mountains near Pittsburgh where she masquerades as a soccer mom. Her debut publication, a single-author anthology of poetry and erotic fiction entitled fine flickering hungers, recently won the 2007 EPPIE Award for Best Erotica. When she's not writing, editing, or designing covers, she gets off annoying uptight bureaucrats and embarrassing her children. Her fetishes include SuDoku, office supplies, and stainless steel. Alessia believes that words are our most powerful weapon in the war against bigotry and intolerance. Hers are guaranteed to get under even the thickest skin. You can visit her online at www.alessiabrio.com.

Not ready to be put out to pasture?

Not ready to be put out to pasture?
Inside Jolie's Head - 4/1/2007

Years before the end of your periods, a woman goes through a transitional time that is called perimenopause. This transition - puberty in reverse - occurs as your hormones are gearing down from the high levels needed to reproduce. This transition can take between a year and 10 years, but averages about three years. After a full year without a period, a woman is proclaimed menopausal.

Hormonal changes are responsible for the onset of perimenopause. As a woman reaches the end of her childbearing years, production of her ovarian hormones begins to fluctuate. During perimenopause, many cycles are annovulatory (do not include ovulation) and estrogen levels can sharply rise and then quickly drop. This causes menstrual periods to become shorter, then more and more irregular until they stop.

In the United States, the average age of menopause is 51.

Health A to Z

~

As a 44-year-old woman, I'm experiencing a very interesting period in my life. Specifically - perimenopause. I'm early. Many women don't get a taste of this until they are in their 50's. Indeed, my girlfriend, who is three years older than me, recently said to me, "this is something I have to look forward to."


For me, it's been a reality check. I've always felt young, but am I really? Are you young when you're dealing with hot flashes, mood swings, missed periods, skin changes and weight gain?


It's easy to feel sorry for yourself. It's easy to give up - eat whatever you want, stop exercising, lay around and surrender. But what if you're not ready for the pasture? What if you still would like to feel vibrant and sexy even if you're middle aged? It's possible.


For me, it's not about looking good for a man. It's about feeling good for myself. It's about not letting the affects of perimenopause stop me in my tracks.


So, these are the five things that I intend to focus on. I'm no doctor, but I believe they will be good for me and help me to feel as healthy, and as sexy, as I can:


1. Exercise - I've always exercised, but recently I've stopped because I've been wallowing in self pity. Why exercise when you're putting on weight faster than you can take it off? (That middle aged spread really comes into play during the stages of perimenopause, at least for me. ) But, I've decided to snap out of it and get back to the gym. I know that when I get there, and get back into moving my body, my body will feel better. Will I ever be a size 5 again? Probably not, but I'm 44 not 24.

2. Reduce the caffeine - Because I'm a writer, this one will be hard for me. "She died from a lack of sleep and too much coffee." I can see that on my tombstone. But hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause are aggravated by caffeine, so it's best, at least for me, to reduce it or avoid it. When I drink coffee, I'm much more likely to get hot flashes.

3. Put soy in my cereal instead of cow's milk - Recently I've returned to cow's milk. I'm not sure why. I always drank soy before and now I'm going to return to it. Soy is good for women experiencing perimenopause because soy is a plant-based estrogen.

4. Drink lots of water - When I drink water, I feel better. It doesn't matter what age I am. I've always felt better when I drink water. I find the best thing for me to do is to keep bottles of water with me. That way I'm more likely to reach for it. (Maybe it's something about the bottle.) Water flushes me out and keeps me feeling hydrated and fresh.

5. Bring on the fruits and vegetables - As with water, I always feel better when I eat a piece of fruit or a green leafy salad.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.
(Music for 4/1/2007 blogging - Fiona Apple.)