Sunday, May 20, 2007

Bisexual Married Women Essays

Bisexual Married Women Essays
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/20/2007

Bisexual married women are everywhere. Here are two essays:

Essay No. 1 - By Anonymous

Gender is Irrelevant

I'm 33 year-old bisexual woman. I'll admit it - it irks me when people, upon discovering that I am bisexual but married to a man, immediately dismiss me as 'experimenting' or 'bi-curious' or worse, 'unable to make up my mind.' It's usually women, sadly usually lesbian women, that I get this attitude from, as though I'm betraying the sisterhood because I like women but sleep with a man.

This is the deal - I've been attracted to both men and women since puberty. In fact I tended to fantasize more about women than men, and have had more crushes and more intimate encounters with women than with men. To me, it's always been about the person, not the packaging. Gender is irrelevant, and the best sex I've ever had was with someone I loved. I've only ever been truly, madly, deeply in love with one person. So I married him, even though he had a penis. We've been together seven years now and I've never regretted it once.

My husband is heterosexual but kinky (like me). He had no problems with the woman friend I was involved with when we met, and I know he'd be fine if I wanted to have a woman over for 'friendly' sex now (as long as he could watch.) But you know what? I don't *want* anybody else. It's him I'm in love with, frankly no one can hold a candle to him. It's just the way it is.

If my husband had been female I'd be a bisexual woman in a committed lesbian relationship. It so happens he's a guy, so I'm lucky enough to reap the benefits marriage brings. If this was a sane country marriage would be defined as a 'committed relationship between people who are in love', regardless of gender. I'll vote for gay marriage rights every time it comes up on the ballot and I fervently hope that it happens in my lifetime, but until then? I'm not betraying the sisterhood, I didn't take the easy way out. I fell in love and got married, end of story. That's all there is to it.


Essay No 2. - By LZ

I am a bisexual married woman. I have had female lovers off and on for more than 25 years. The first groping I ever did was with a girl when I was 10. But while there are probably many who went on to purely straight lives from such early interactive experimentation, I didn't.

I couldn't get over the softness of her breasts, the scent of her arousal, the feeling of her fluids and the texture of her inner walls on my fingers, or her taste on my tongue. To look into a woman's face as she is orgasming, gaze a little blind, my name on her lips, tiny gasps of her breath warm on my face, or to watch and feel her center spasming on my fingers, this is delight. To cradle her and be cradled by her in the afterglow, husky low voiced murmurings mingling, this is an aspect of heaven.

My first boyfriend at 12 was fantastic with his mouth. With delight I reciprocated, giving head just as often. We were sixty-nining when his mother and my mother caught us. He was an intellectual like me. We explored our sexual awakening together as thoroughly as we discussed honors English readings, or American History.

In college I had several relationships. A nice Jewish boy with delightfully raunchy in-bed manners, then a senior (woman) in my major program who helped me with my language studies had the most delightful voice to go along with a killer body, then a top-of-his-game computer hacker/programmer who planned to devour the world, but not before he (and I) came multiple times with almost pornographic variety. There was the woman who was a bombastic redhead in public, and yet the quietest cummer I ever enjoyed. Our mutual passion (aside from sex) was writing m/f fanfic, and she was the only bad breakup I ever had.

When I met my husband, I thought I heard an angel literally whispering 'your soulmate'. His intellect, and sexual expression, though he is straight, match my own. While sharing fantasies many nights, I told him more about my personal history than I had shared with anyone else. That was the one thing that had been missing in my previous relationships. With women, I was expected to only be into women, and with men the reverse. I had never shared my explicit history with my other partners. Now not only was I sharing it, but I was being encouraged and supported for it.

I have taken two different female lovers during my marriage. Each was delightful in her own way. A bisexual woman who enjoyed her intimacies alone with me, or together with my husband. She I gave up with joy but reluctance, to her own now 6-years committed female partner. They are still close friends. My second lover, a stated bisexual, though more lesbian-centric, said she was okay with my marriage (I don't hide it from any prospective partners), but had real trouble just being in the same room with my husband. I don't have to share them sexually, but animosity between my partners I couldn't abide, so I had to tell her we were over. She's in a long-term relationship with another woman now and we get together socially every now and again.

My lovers of the past, male and female alike, were, and continue to be dear people to me. Our relationships didn't become "forever" for many of the reasons all relationships do, incompatible drives, incompatible goals, or incompatible (over the long term) natures. But I would never throw away a single day's memory of love, intimacy, bonding, the caring or the sex.

I am a bisexual woman.


These are just a couple of the feelings that we, as bisexual married women, share. Feel free to comment or to email me off-list if you would prefer.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her first anthology, Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, is now in print and coming very soon to bookstores. Her editor over at Alyson Books says it looks great. Order Iridescence today!

Music for 5/20/2007 blogging - Carrie Underwood

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At May 20, 2007 1:06 PM , Anonymous Der Whip mit der Quips said...

Both of these essays are absolutely wonderful. We must resist the urge, from whichever direction, to define as "either/or" that which is honestly a "both". As Kinsey showed, decades ago, the vast majority of us fall somewhere between the two poles. Identifying as bi can leave one a nomad. Bravo to you women, who celebrate your love, and respect for your spouses. Love and Respect our WAY beyond either/or.

At May 20, 2007 4:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but whether you are hetero, bi or anything else, when you get married, you are committed to that one person! To have sexual relations with anyone else is just wrong! That should not be endorsed anywhere!

At May 20, 2007 5:40 PM , Blogger Jolie said...

In response to anonymous:

Humans are not robots. Humans are not identical in their actions. We live in a world with various types of relationships. What works for you does not mean that it will work for someone else. What's right for you does not mean that it is right for someone else. What you consider wrong doesn't mean that it is wrong.

As for me, everything that I have done has been in complete honesty. Nothing has been behind my husband's back or without his support.

There is nothing wrong with honesty in a marriage. It's dishonesty that's the problem, and we all know that there is plenty of that.


At May 20, 2007 8:56 PM , Blogger Adriana said...

These are both moving, touching and honest essays. Thank you both for sharing, and for remaining true to yourselves and your relationships. And thank to Jolie for starting this wonderful project.

Ditto der whip mit der quips, too.


At May 22, 2007 10:33 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Jolie for your response to anonymous. It was very intelligent and very true.


At May 30, 2007 8:38 AM , Anonymous Megan Rose said...

I'd just like to say how much I admire these ladies for sharing their stories.


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