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Ten Commandments for 2008

glitter-graphics.com

The year 2008 is here. Working to achieve these 10 habits may be difficult, but they're worth a try.

1. Thou shalt not put off until tomorrow what could be done today.

There's that email you have yet to answer, the laundry that's been sitting in the basket waiting to be folded, the knob on the cabinet that needs to be tightened. We avoid certain tasks because we don't feel like doing them. But the more we procrastinate, the more things pile up. Decide to make time to attack tasks when they occur instead of putting them off.

2. Thou shalt leave for work ten minutes earlier.

Today you were late for work, and yesterday too. Every day you vow to be on time, yet every day you're late. Your boss has grown to accept it, but for how long? If you left for work earlier, you'd arrive on time. Decide to do what it takes to make it to work on time. Set the time on your clock behind a few minutes. Don't touch your snooze alarm. Lay your clothes out the night before.

3. Thou shalt eat one cookie instead of four.

Diets are a temporary solution, but what about long term? Moderation is much more feasible for many of us. But we sabotage moderation all the time with gluttony. We stuff ourselves with sweets and then promise not to do it again, but soon we break our promise. Let's treat ourselves to sweets, but let's keep the consumption reasonable.

4. Thou shalt read an intelligent book.

We haven't read Faulkner. We say we want to. So why do we always end up on the path of least resistance with a quickie paperback or a mindless magazine? We're tired and Faulkner takes work. So - work. Buy a study guide. Join a book club and suggest a title. Feed your brain for once.

5. Thou shalt not buy another needless pair of shoes.

Our closet is full of them. Every time we feel a bit down, we buy a pair of shoes. When we need some excitement in our day - we buy a pair of shoes. We wear the shoes. We feel good. But soon the novelty wears off and the only way to bring it back is to buy another pair of shoes. We could use that money to pay off our credit cards. We could use that money to save. And we want to. We really do. So the next time we're tempted to make an impulse buy, let's look at why and let's determine if the money we're about to spend on shoes could be spent on better things.

6. Thou shalt not gossip.

Talking about a person behind their back feels good. It makes us feel better about ourselves, especially when others agree with our opinion. But it's negative and loads of negative conversation make for a negative person. Let's vow to take the high road and leave gossip behind.

7. Thou shalt pay more attention to the kids.

It's so easy to pop in a video and sit the kids in front of the tv. It gets even easier with teenagers. They just retreat on their own. But your kids won't be kids forever and quality time is important. Children need attention, even when they act like they don't. Get off the computer, stop cleaning the house and spend some time with your kids.

8. Thou shalt eat more fruits and vegetables.

Are you a connoisseur of fruits and vegetables? Great. Eighty nine percent of adults are not. Instead of reaching for that bag of chips, grab an apple. Hate apples? Make it a pear. Make a salad. Buy pre-cut carrots, cut and washed lettuce, or any other vegetables that will make it easy to throw everything together. If you never eat fruits and vegetables, start with small amounts and work your way to more.

9. Thou shalt do one good deed just because.

How many times do we do something for someone even when nobody knows it? Find one thing you can do without all the accolades. Donate money as anonymous. Shovel the neighbor's snow when they're not home.

10. Thou shalt tell your wife or husband that you love them.

You love your wife, but when was the last time you told her? Look your spouse in the eyes and say "I love you" often.

Jolie du Pre is a full-time published freelance writer and author and editor of erotica. She is pleased to be returning to The Blushing Ladies Journal.

Infidelity

Infidelity

Inside Jolie's Head - 9/2/2007

Currently, I'm reading Entangled Lives, edited by Marilyn Jaye Lewis. I will be writing a full review of the book at my other blog, but a part of the book has prompted this entry.

Entangled Lives is a memoir of seven top erotica writers. In Marilyn's "A Picture in a Frame," she talks about "E," a woman she had a relationship with for 20 years. During part, or perhaps all, of the relationship (I don't remember which) E had a girlfriend. So, E was having an affair with Marilyn. Marilyn never says whether she felt any shame or guilty feelings about sleeping with another woman's woman, but for me, affairs are wrong.

It's not that I haven't fooled around. I've been with my husband for over 20 years. Seven of those years as girlfriend and boyfriend and 20 of those years as a married couple. When I was in my 20's, before we had our now 16 and 13 year old children, I won a cruise to the Bahamas. I was married, but I was young and carefree with no middle aged weight gain, no perimenopause, no kids. As I stood in line waiting to embark, one of the crew asked me who I was cruising with. He was a very attractive brown skinned man from Amsterdam. I told him no one and his eyes lit up. "Oh," he said. Later, he called my room and we had sex. Yes, it is entirely wrong for a staff member to have sex with one of the passengers, and he obviously jotted down my room number so that he would have my phone number. But wrong or not, that's what happened. The next day I went to a bar, located on the ship, and met a white guy from London. (Since I was a slut the night before, I figured I'd be a slut again.) All of this was behind my husband's back. That was the first time.

The second time was with one of the women I dated. (I was very open with my husband about being bisexual, from day one. In fact, one of my female ex-lovers came to our wedding.) This woman I dated had a husband that wanted to be involved. This was against the rules I had set with my husband. As a bisexual woman, it was okay for me to be with a woman, but not another man. My husband was supposed to be the only man.

The third and last time was with my most recent female ex-lover. I wasn't supposed to get with her again after we broke up. I got myself into a situation where I was spending too much time with her. It's always been a situation where the relationship with my husband was primary and women were secondary. But my relationship with this woman took a lot of my time emotionally and physically. Before her I had not had a relationship with a female for five years, so my husband wasn't prepared for what my relationship with her would do to my relationship with him. I broke it off, but then I got back together with her behind his back.

Today, I am happy that these situations are over and that my husband knows everything now. When Marilyn talks about her affair with E, I have to put the fact that it was an affair deep in the recesses of my brain in order to enjoy the story. There's a scene where Marilyn is confronted by E's lover.

Unbeknownst to E, her lover had already confronted me once, taking me aside in the lobby of their building one night, telling me in no uncertain terms, all two hundred towering pounds of her, that if she ever found out that I was fucking around with E, I was going to be in serious trouble. And I believed her. I didn't stop fucking around with E, but nevertheless, I believed her.

I'm sure E's lover knew the truth, yet she made the decision to stay anyway.

What's nice about being 45 is that I've had a life. I've had relationships. I went for what I wanted and I got it. I don't crave anything (other than Soledad O'Brien), so that part is simpler. Now I'm a bisexual woman who writes lesbian erotica and who is living a primarily heterosexual, monogamous life. If I want to have sex with someone other than my husband, it's out in the open. The same goes for him. I regret cheating on him and I regret the dishonesty. An open, honest relationship is so much healthier.

What are your thoughts on infidelity? Make it anonymous if you want.

Jolie du Pre is a writer of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.

Music for blogging - Carrie Underwood

In the mood for a good, romantic comedy?

In the mood for a good, romantic comedy?
Inside Jolie's Head - 6/17/2007


I love a well done romantic comedy. Maybe it's a chick thing, but a good love story is always satisfying.

Here are ten that I recommend:



Continental Divide (1981 - M/F)



When Harry Met Sally (1989 - M/F)



Desert Hearts (1985 - F/F)



Love Jones (1997 - M/F, African American)



Manhattan (1979 - M/F)



Something's Gotta Give (2003 - M/F)



Frankie and Johnny (1991 - M/F)



The Wedding Singer (1998 - M/F)



The Goodbye Girl (1977 - M/F)



Elizabethtown (2005 - M/F)


Jolie du Pre is a writer of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.

Music for 6/17/2007 blogging - New Order

Bisexual Married Women - Thanks!

Bisexual Married Women

Inside Jolie's Head - 6/10/2007



Thanks to the women who contributed essays and to our readers. As a final post, here is a story I wrote, a few years ago, with bisexual married women as characters.



Alice

By Jolie du Pre

Copyright 2004

Five mothers gathered in front of Howard Elementary School to pick up their kids. Dismissal was at 2:30, but they liked to arrive early to give themselves a chance to talk before they returned to their homes. Their other children, too young for Howard, frolicked on the school's playground just a few feet away.

"Will Carrie and Jonathan play soccer this summer?" Linda asked Madeline as Madeline placed Eva in her stroller.

"Yeah," Madeline replied, handing Eva her rattle and then standing to stretch her back. "But I can hardly afford it. They raised the fee. I paid $300.00 for them this time."

"I think I've spent about $500.00 so far on activities," Teresa said. "It adds up."

"Yes, but no amount of money is too much for some peace and quiet," said Marcia. "I'm sending my Timmy to a four-week computer camp. Then I'm going to lie on my lounge chair and drink Margaritas the entire time he's gone. I need it!"

Linda, Madeline and Teresa nodded at Marcia and laughed in agreement, while Susan listened and tried to concentrate. Susan never felt as organized as the other mothers. She almost forgot to sign Parker up for camp and remembered only when Linda called and asked if she wanted to car pool.

Susan watched as Howard's lot filled with more adults. It was 2:20. Once 2:30 arrived and school let out, she would gather her two kids and then rush home to check her messages on the computer.

For Susan, after school used to be reserved for cookies and homework. She would plop herself on the family couch, worn with overuse, and devote the time to helping Sydney and Parker with math problems, vocabulary words, book reports and other assignments. Roughly 45 minutes into it, she'd present homemade cookies, because it made her feel like a good mom and because she enjoyed the look on her kids' faces when they saw them.

Now when Susan returned home from school with her children, she found Alice's e-mails. Alice sent mail only during her lunch breaks. If Susan didn't read it after school, she'd have to wait until morning, when George and the kids were gone, and she couldn't bear to wait that long.

So the kids worked alone on their homework and cookies were left on a plate in the kitchen. Reading Alice's mail and responding took at least an hour. Afterward, in the time remaining, Susan would lend her help to Sydney and Parker before it was time to make supper.

It had been three months since she met Alice through a message board on the Internet. Two years earlier, George had bought Susan a lap top, and she soon discovered message boards, chat rooms and electronic mail while home alone. She'd always had sexual feelings for women and now she could connect with females like herself.

I'M SEEKING WOMEN, AGES 35 TO 45, FOR FRIENDSHIP, Alice had posted, but Susan knew a posting under Married Bisexuals would lead to more than just friendship.

This wasn't new for Susan. Before Alice there had been Christine. Christine lived only two miles away, but she had never felt comfortable seeing Susan behind George's back.

"He won't understand if I tell him about you," Susan had said to Christine over coffee at Java Town, their favorite meeting place.

"Well, my husband knows. Like I've told you, we don't believe in secrets. He's totally cool with my seeing you," Christine had said.

"You're lucky. George would leave me if he found out."

"Why risk it then?"

Christine had asked the question before, even though she knew the answer. Susan had shifted in her seat and wondered how many more times they would go over it.

"Because I need you, Christine. I need a woman in my life."

"I understand Sue, but this just doesn't feel right."

A week later, Christine and Susan broke up. Susan, devastated at first, searched for someone else. Alice's post had appeared six months later.

Dwayne, Alice's husband, knew about Susan, and it didn't bother Alice that George knew nothing about her. For Susan, it was almost perfect, except that Alice lived in Atlanta, many miles away from Susan's home in Illinois.

Dreams of Alice were frequent and vivid for Susan as she lay next to George at night. Sometimes when George put his mouth on her lips, she pretended his lips belonged to Alice. And his penis, the one that had entered her so many times before, now gave her powerful orgasms whenever she imagined Alice's touch.

She'd seen a photo of Alice, sent to her online. She looked to be about forty-five, fair with long dark wavy hair, large firm breasts under a low-cut tank and full lips adorned with red lipstick; lips Susan wanted to kiss and breasts Susan ached to suck.

"I don't like to send photos, but since we've had some intimate conversations, I thought I would," Alice had said. Susan responded in kind with her best smile and done hair. "You're very pretty," was Alice's reply.

Sometimes they chatted online about Alice's work as a psychiatrist, tales full of quirky patients. Although, when Susan grew tired of discussing Alice's work, it was she who moved the topic of their conversation to sex.

Five months into the relationship Susan wrote, "I can't stand this anymore. I've got to see you."

"I feel the same way, but how can you possibly get away?" Alice responded.

Susan had a plan. She told George that an old college girlfriend, now living in Georgia, wanted her to visit for the weekend and that Teresa would be available to watch Sydney and Parker if George needed it. George agreed, as long as Susan left on Saturday and returned on Sunday. Susan didn't argue.

Now Susan beamed in the grocery store, and at the post office, and in front of her friends, knowing that soon she would fuck Alice. She was beside herself with the thought, wet all the time and careless. She even left her vibrator out by mistake, right in the hands of her youngest, Sydney.

"Mommy what is this?" Sydney asked.

Susan grabbed it out of her hands and didn't reply. It's Alice, she thought to herself with a smile as she put it away.

On the plane to Atlanta, Susan quashed her butterflies with two shots of Jack Daniels. Once off the plane, Susan realized that Alice wasn't there. So she waited. She had traveled all the way to Atlanta. What will I do if she doesn't show up? she thought. Then, she saw a wavy haired woman sprint down the corridor toward her. Susan smiled with relief.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Alice said, pulling Susan toward her to give her a hug. "My God, you're so beautiful."

"It's really good to finally meet you," Susan said. She stared at Alice, in person for the first time, and saw a face that wasn't as pretty as in the photo. So she looked away and let her eyes fall on Alice's breasts, breasts that were as high and as large as she had hoped.

"Let's get some lunch before we head to the hotel. I'm starving," said Alice.

Alice's face, under the dim lights of the restaurant, looked better to Susan than under the harsh lights of the airport. Susan, still high from the shots of Jack Daniels, ordered a glass of red wine to maintain her buzz. Alice talked about her patients, once again, and Susan tried to imagine Alice naked while she pretended to listen.

"I saw Carmella again today," Alice said. "She's bipolar. Sue, do you know what bipolar means?"

"Yes," said Susan, "and I also know what pussy means."

Alice looked at Susan and fell silent for a moment. Then she leaned forward. "What are you going to do to me?"

Susan stared dead into Alice's eyes which caused Alice to shrink back. "Everything," Susan said.

Alice's eyes left Susan's gaze as she lowered her head and smiled. Susan grinned. She enjoyed reducing Alice, overconfident, over talkative and consumed with her profession to silence. Now Susan felt flush with her lust for Alice. The only thing she wanted to do was fuck Alice's brain out.

"I think we should go," Alice said.

"Good idea," Susan replied.

The hotel room was on the fancier end, but Susan didn't notice. Barely inside, she pushed Alice onto the king-sized bed and climbed on her. She felt Alice's large breasts under her own small ones.

She grabbed Alice's wavy hair and lowered her face to Alice's lips. Susan longed for Alice even more with the touch of her soft, wet mouth.

Susan unbuttoned Alice's blouse and opened it to reveal her bra. "I wore this red lacy thing just for you," said Alice. Her large breasts heaved out of the top lace of the bra. Susan throbbed at the sight of them.

"I don't know why, 'cause I'm just going to rip this thing off," Susan said.

"Gentle, dear. It's from Paris and it ain't cheap."

Susan smiled and reached her hands behind Alice's back. She unclipped the red bra revealing the breasts she had dreamed about.

Alice lay there topless. Her large breasts spread across her chest, her nipples dark and erect with excitement. Susan grabbed both breasts, pushed them together and ran her tongue down Alice's deep cleavage. She licked Alice's nipples, tenderly at first and them sucked and lapped at them furiously.

"Sue, I want you so bad!" Alice shouted. "I'm so wet. I want you to eat me."

"I'll eat you when I'm good and ready."

She grabbed Alice's skirt and pulled it down her legs. Then she removed her pantyhose, damp at the crotch, exposing the think, dark hair on her mound. She slid a finger into Alice's wetness, and then she yanked it out.

"Oh my God! Don't stop Sue, please."

Susan put her mouth to Alice's ear. "Spread your legs for me," she whispered.

"Yes," Alice whimpered.

Susan buried her mouth into Alice and in no time Alice bucked and roared with an explosive orgasm.

At six that morning, Susan lay awake next to a sleeping Alice. She had given pleasure and gotten it from someone other than George. The night was over. Soon she would return to Illinois.

Susan got out of bed and sat in a chair, staring at Alice while she slept. How could this go on? She thought. They could continue to chat online and send e-mails, but her hunger for Alice's body would always be there.

She loved George and she loved being a mother to Sydney and Parker. It was a life she didn't want to give up, but if she told George about her affair with Alice, she would have to. George was traditional and he was homophobic. He didn't know he married a bisexual. He couldn't know.

"You're up early," said Alice, straining to see as she awoke. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm just thinking."

"About us?"

"Yes."

"It'll be okay. I can come to Chicago in October. I love the Four Seasons, so I'll stay there. You can sneak off to see me, and George will never know."

"Alice, you know I can't continue like this. This is crazy. I don't know what I'm going to do." Susan put her head in her hands.

"Sue, I understand. This has got to be hard for you. Are you sure you can't approach this subject with George, slowly? I can help you with how to do it."

"I'm not one of your patients."

"I know Sue. I didn't mean it that way."

"I'm sorry, but George is nothing like Dwayne. He won't understand. I just wish you lived in Chicago. It would be so much easier."

"And I wish you lived here. Maybe we should leave it like this, Sue. We can continue to keep in touch, but your marriage is important. Perhaps visits like these are too much of a risk."

Susan stared at the floor and then looked at Alice. Alice's dark wavy hair sprayed across her delicate shoulders, and the crest of her bosom peaked gently out of the top of the comforter. Her early morning face, sans makeup, looked relaxed and honest. She was indeed beautiful.

Susan smiled.

"What is it?" said Alice.

"When did you say you could come to Chicago?"

END

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her first anthology, Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, is now in print . Order Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica today.

Music for 6/10/2007 Blogging - Patti Smith

Bisexual Married Women Essays

Bisexual Married Women Essays
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/28/2007

Bisexual married women are everywhere. Here is another essay:



ESSAY NO. 3 - THE LIFE OF A MARRIED BISEXUAL WOMAN

by Staci Parry

Staci's MySpace


Secrets. Lies. Deceptions. These are adjectives that aptly describe the life of a woman who is married to a man but wants or is sleeping with another woman. At least this is my personal experience & since I am by no means unique, I am not alone.

My life has evolved from a state of marital bliss; of loving only the man I married to finding that there is no way that I can love him only. I didn't wrestle with myself the first time I found myself attracted to and then fell in love with another woman. Initially I simply just accepted me. But I wasn't confident about how well others, namely my husband, would accept this new found knowledge. So here the secrets begin. I kept away from him how much I spoke with this girl. How much I wanted to be with this girl. Kept away from him the reasons that our love life had taken a severe nose dive.

I stated that I am not unique but I believe that the life I currently live as a bisexual married woman is. My husband & I have a very special relationship. He knows EXACTLY who I am & what I want & need. His astuteness astounds me sometimes. When we are together, & you are on the outside looking in, the separateness that exists in our lives is invisible. We love & respect one another & are each others' best friend. The simple truth though is that I have wants, needs & desires that have absolutely nothing to do with him thus causing our eminent breakup. He needs a wife who will love only him & he doesn't have that in me any longer.

I love women & the woman that I'm loving knows that. Although ultimately what I want is a girlfriend, someone who has my back & knows that I have hers, but the fact that I am married, seems to be some kind of a deterrent for single women & married women or women who are hooked up just want to have sex and what I've learned about me is that I don't want just sex. I need to feel that the woman I'm loving cares for ME.

When I look to the future, my future, it's difficult to see myself still being a married woman. I'd like to say I actually see someone there, a specific someone, but I don't.

My experience with either lesbian or bisexual women has been interesting to say the least. Most of us, no matter what the age, have no real clue about what we want. We say one thing but actually mean something else. The secrets, lies & deceptions don't end with the men.

END

This marks the end of essays by bisexual married women. I hope that you have enjoyed reading them.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her first anthology, Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, is now in print . Order Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica today.

Music for 5/28/2007 blogging - Jewel

Bisexual Married Women Essays

Bisexual Married Women Essays
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/20/2007

Bisexual married women are everywhere. Here are two essays:

Essay No. 1 - By Anonymous

Gender is Irrelevant

I'm 33 year-old bisexual woman. I'll admit it - it irks me when people, upon discovering that I am bisexual but married to a man, immediately dismiss me as 'experimenting' or 'bi-curious' or worse, 'unable to make up my mind.' It's usually women, sadly usually lesbian women, that I get this attitude from, as though I'm betraying the sisterhood because I like women but sleep with a man.

This is the deal - I've been attracted to both men and women since puberty. In fact I tended to fantasize more about women than men, and have had more crushes and more intimate encounters with women than with men. To me, it's always been about the person, not the packaging. Gender is irrelevant, and the best sex I've ever had was with someone I loved. I've only ever been truly, madly, deeply in love with one person. So I married him, even though he had a penis. We've been together seven years now and I've never regretted it once.

My husband is heterosexual but kinky (like me). He had no problems with the woman friend I was involved with when we met, and I know he'd be fine if I wanted to have a woman over for 'friendly' sex now (as long as he could watch.) But you know what? I don't *want* anybody else. It's him I'm in love with, frankly no one can hold a candle to him. It's just the way it is.

If my husband had been female I'd be a bisexual woman in a committed lesbian relationship. It so happens he's a guy, so I'm lucky enough to reap the benefits marriage brings. If this was a sane country marriage would be defined as a 'committed relationship between people who are in love', regardless of gender. I'll vote for gay marriage rights every time it comes up on the ballot and I fervently hope that it happens in my lifetime, but until then? I'm not betraying the sisterhood, I didn't take the easy way out. I fell in love and got married, end of story. That's all there is to it.

END

Essay No 2. - By LZ

I am a bisexual married woman. I have had female lovers off and on for more than 25 years. The first groping I ever did was with a girl when I was 10. But while there are probably many who went on to purely straight lives from such early interactive experimentation, I didn't.

I couldn't get over the softness of her breasts, the scent of her arousal, the feeling of her fluids and the texture of her inner walls on my fingers, or her taste on my tongue. To look into a woman's face as she is orgasming, gaze a little blind, my name on her lips, tiny gasps of her breath warm on my face, or to watch and feel her center spasming on my fingers, this is delight. To cradle her and be cradled by her in the afterglow, husky low voiced murmurings mingling, this is an aspect of heaven.

My first boyfriend at 12 was fantastic with his mouth. With delight I reciprocated, giving head just as often. We were sixty-nining when his mother and my mother caught us. He was an intellectual like me. We explored our sexual awakening together as thoroughly as we discussed honors English readings, or American History.

In college I had several relationships. A nice Jewish boy with delightfully raunchy in-bed manners, then a senior (woman) in my major program who helped me with my language studies had the most delightful voice to go along with a killer body, then a top-of-his-game computer hacker/programmer who planned to devour the world, but not before he (and I) came multiple times with almost pornographic variety. There was the woman who was a bombastic redhead in public, and yet the quietest cummer I ever enjoyed. Our mutual passion (aside from sex) was writing m/f fanfic, and she was the only bad breakup I ever had.

When I met my husband, I thought I heard an angel literally whispering 'your soulmate'. His intellect, and sexual expression, though he is straight, match my own. While sharing fantasies many nights, I told him more about my personal history than I had shared with anyone else. That was the one thing that had been missing in my previous relationships. With women, I was expected to only be into women, and with men the reverse. I had never shared my explicit history with my other partners. Now not only was I sharing it, but I was being encouraged and supported for it.

I have taken two different female lovers during my marriage. Each was delightful in her own way. A bisexual woman who enjoyed her intimacies alone with me, or together with my husband. She I gave up with joy but reluctance, to her own now 6-years committed female partner. They are still close friends. My second lover, a stated bisexual, though more lesbian-centric, said she was okay with my marriage (I don't hide it from any prospective partners), but had real trouble just being in the same room with my husband. I don't have to share them sexually, but animosity between my partners I couldn't abide, so I had to tell her we were over. She's in a long-term relationship with another woman now and we get together socially every now and again.

My lovers of the past, male and female alike, were, and continue to be dear people to me. Our relationships didn't become "forever" for many of the reasons all relationships do, incompatible drives, incompatible goals, or incompatible (over the long term) natures. But I would never throw away a single day's memory of love, intimacy, bonding, the caring or the sex.

I am a bisexual woman.

END

These are just a couple of the feelings that we, as bisexual married women, share. Feel free to comment or to email me off-list if you would prefer.

jolie@joliedupre.com

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance. Her first anthology, Iridescence: Sensuous Shades of Lesbian Erotica, is now in print and coming very soon to bookstores. Her editor over at Alyson Books says it looks great. Order Iridescence today!

Music for 5/20/2007 blogging - Carrie Underwood

Married Bisexual Women Essays for May 20, 2007

I am looking for BISEXUAL MARRIED WOMEN to write a 500 word or fewer essay of their thoughts on being a bisexual married woman. These essays will be posted at The Blushing Ladies Journal beginning on Sunday, May 20, 2007.

You may write your essay as ANONYMOUS or I can post your name/pen name and a link to your website, blog or MySpace as a promotional tool.

If you are interested, please:

1. Write a 500 word or fewer essay on being a married bisexual woman. Put your essay in the body of an email. NO ATTACHMENTS.
2. Indicate if you would like the essay as ANONYMOUS or include your name or pen name and your website, blog or MySpace address.

Please send your essay to joliedupre@ameritech.net by Friday, May 18, 2007. Put ESSAY in the subject line.

Thanks,
Jolie du Pre

Bisexual Married Women

Bisexual Married Women
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/6/2007

Most of this article is a reprint from my article "Bisexuality in Marriage" at Logical Lust. The article was written in 2003. I've changed a few things . (Except for my husband's name, all other names have been changed.)


I'm a bisexual woman, and I've been conscious of this fact for the last 25 of my 44 years. Twenty six years ago, as a freshman, I entered an all girls college. I thought I was straight. But attending this college, I believe, brought out my true sexuality.

Fall, 1981. I was at college, in the dormitory, in one of the elevators. Pat walked in. Except for the mounds on her chest, she could pass for a man. I was terrified and rushed out of the elevator as fast as I could. Two years later, I sent her a love letter. Terror had turned to lust. She exemplified my definition, at the time, of a lesbian, and as a young, burgeoning bisexual woman, I had to have her. It didn't matter that she had a girlfriend. But Pat was a loyal lover, so she acknowledged my long letter with a long letter of her own, gently telling me that she was unavailable and that she planned to stay that way.

My College, I found, was full of women who liked women. It didn't mean we slept with each other, although some, like Pat, did. It meant that we were deeply into each other. When financial difficulties forced the college to begin to accept men, we women protested. We were very comfortable without them.

The entire time I was attracted to Pat ( now a writer for a gay magazine in Chicago, or at least I had heard ) I had a boyfriend, Rob, who's now my husband.

Many have asked how I can be attracted to women while having a man in my life. Well, that's easy - I'm not straight; I'm not gay; I'm bisexual. As Kathy Labriola says in her online article "What is Bisexuality? Who is Bisexual?":

Many people are 100% gay or lesbian, and are drawn sexually and emotionally only to partners of the same sex. Others are completely heterosexual, bonding in sexual and intimate relationships only with people of another sex. But what about everybody else? A significant percentage of people do not fit neatly into either of these categories, because they experience sexual and emotional attractions and feelings for people of different genders at some point during their lives. For lack of a better term, they are called bisexuals, although many people prefer to call themselves "pansexual," "non-preferential," "sexually fluid," "ambisexual," or "omni-sexual."

I've met bisexual women who have husbands or boyfriends and female lovers. I've met bisexual women who have husbands or boyfriends, but do not have female lovers. I've met bisexual women who are celibate. I've met bisexual women who have female lovers, but do not have husbands or boyfriends. We are varied and we are everywhere.

Soon after I graduated from college, after my failed attempt with Pat, I was dying to have a relationship with a woman, dying. I got myself a copy of the Chicago Reader and found an advertisement for Action Bi Women, a now defunct bisexual women's support group in Chicago. Bingo! Call it whatever you want, I was getting laid. It didn't take me long to meet Cindy. I was a bisexual woman with a boyfriend. She was a married bisexual woman. Our men were in support of our dating. It was perfect.

We were sitting on her couch, and since I had never been with a woman, I was scared to death. Who would make the first move? Certainly not me. And then out of the blue, she kissed me. The first kiss I have ever received from a woman. I can't count how many women I've kissed since then, but I will never forget that first kiss. It was heaven. During some heavy necking, her husband walked in - so we never made it to home plate. I wanted to see her again, and I wanted a relationship - she didn't.

Soon after I was unceremoniously dumped by Cindy, I put on a sexy outfit and marched off to one of the lesbian bars in Chicago that's no longer open, Aukie and Ck's. I was scared, but I tried not to show it. I played a few games of pool with some butches and then Melanie appeared, also butch. She turned me on (most butch women did at that time) and she was full of stories, all true. Like the time she was thrown out of the army for being gay. She was a lesbian, but I didn't care. That week we got a cheap motel room and spent hours in bed. The very first time I was ever fucked by a girl. You couldn't get me into that cheap motel today, but spending time in that dump with Melanie I will never forget.

But there was a problem, something that I knew would present itself at some point, Melanie could not deal with the fact that I had a boyfriend. So, now it was my turn to dump. Later, I dumped women because I found it difficult to give my heart to someone other than my husband. Much later, when I became a writer, I dumped women because of lack of time. Today, I've reconnected with a woman from seven years ago. We're friends again and that friendship is strong based on what we went through in our past together.

My husband has always been supportive of who I am. Is he unusual? Not really. Every bisexual woman that I became involved with had a boyfriend or a husband that was supportive. Sometimes the men were involved, like the occasional three-way, but that didn't happen very often. Other times I never met the men.

The reality is - married bisexual women, and bisexual women with boyfriends, are all over the place.

~

On Sunday, May 20, I will post the thoughts and experiences of other bisexual married women I've contacted. I will also post any support groups that I'm aware of. If you are a married, bisexual woman, I hope that you will visit this site to read their words. We are not alone.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.
Music for 5/6/2007 blogging - Jonathan Chambers

A Real Date - At Home?

A Real Date-At Home?
Inside Jolie's Head - 4/29/2007

My husband (the cop) and I have been married for over twenty years. The best part about knowing someone intimately for so long is feeling like the person is an extension of your body.

My husband is truly my best friend. There isn't anything that I can't talk to him about. He is the only person that I completely trust, and I know that he has a genuine concern for me.

He's the one who listens to me complain and then lets me know when I need to be more positive. He's the shoulder I can cry on when I'm at my wits end. He's the one who I can laugh with about something that only he and I understand. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that he may know me better than I know myself. I love my husband very much.

Even though we've been together for so long, we still go out on dates - dinner out together alone, or we meet with friends. But the best dates we have are those we spend at home.

Some folks don't feel like they're on a date unless they leave the house and spend money. My husband and I don't have that problem.

We rent a movie, we look for one on TIVO, or sometimes we buy one depending on whether it's really good, and we have movie night together. We make a pot of coffee or we pop some popcorn and pour ourselves some Cokes. Since I spend my life with someone who enjoys quality movies, sometimes more than I do, it has become a hobby that we share. When I get lazy. When I want to watch something stupid so that I don't have to think, hubby keeps me on track.

So think about a home movie night with your significant other. Watching quality movies together stimulates your brains and gives you lots to talk about. Good conversation in a relationship is key - don't you think? Here are 8 movies of quality that my husband and I have watched lately:

The Departed

Thank You for Smoking

Little Miss Sunshine

Match Point

An Inconvenient Truth

United 93

Shut Up & Sing

Casino Royale

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance

(Music for 4/29/2007 Blogging - Chevelle)

Toy Box

Toy Box

Book Report - Sex Toys 101 - A Playfully Uninhibited Guide
By Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah (Founders of Toys in Babeland)

Inside Jolie's Head - 4/15/2007


More and more, sex toys (vibrators, dildos, etc) are coming out of the box and out in the open. We're talking about them more and we're using them more. Indeed, women like Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah, the founders of Toys in Babeland - encourage us to embrace our sexuality and to experiment with toys.

We're a fun-loving, feminist sex toy store, celebrating sexual vitality and educating our community. Women and vibrators go together like kitties and catnip, yet most places that sell sex toys make women uncomfortable. At Toys in Babeland, we have created an environment where women feel welcome.

Sex Toys 101 is a workshop offered at Toys in Babeland (along with such workshops as G-Spot 101, Anal Sex 101 and Bend Him Over 101.) The book Sex Toys 101 is offered as a way to share the information to more people than those who can take the workshop.

I found Sex Toys 101 is as beautiful as a coffee table book, with lovely full color photographs and an attractive, easy layout of information.

What's inside the book?

Recipe for Delight (How to Lick Pussy) - Page 19

Feel the Burn, Baby (Make Your Orgasms Stronger) - Page 23

Meet The Vibrators - Page 44

Gearing Up For Getting Down (Dildos and Strap-Ons) - Page 60

Getting Past The Anal Taboo - Page 91

BDSM Safety Suggestions - Page 136

Do Lesbians Really Need to Have Safe Sex? - Page 165

And much, much, much more.

In Sex Toys 101, there's something for anyone - male, female, gay or straight.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance
(Music for 4/15/2007 blogging - Elliott Yamin)

Not ready to be put out to pasture?

Not ready to be put out to pasture?
Inside Jolie's Head - 4/1/2007

Years before the end of your periods, a woman goes through a transitional time that is called perimenopause. This transition - puberty in reverse - occurs as your hormones are gearing down from the high levels needed to reproduce. This transition can take between a year and 10 years, but averages about three years. After a full year without a period, a woman is proclaimed menopausal.

Hormonal changes are responsible for the onset of perimenopause. As a woman reaches the end of her childbearing years, production of her ovarian hormones begins to fluctuate. During perimenopause, many cycles are annovulatory (do not include ovulation) and estrogen levels can sharply rise and then quickly drop. This causes menstrual periods to become shorter, then more and more irregular until they stop.

In the United States, the average age of menopause is 51.

Health A to Z

~

As a 44-year-old woman, I'm experiencing a very interesting period in my life. Specifically - perimenopause. I'm early. Many women don't get a taste of this until they are in their 50's. Indeed, my girlfriend, who is three years older than me, recently said to me, "this is something I have to look forward to."


For me, it's been a reality check. I've always felt young, but am I really? Are you young when you're dealing with hot flashes, mood swings, missed periods, skin changes and weight gain?


It's easy to feel sorry for yourself. It's easy to give up - eat whatever you want, stop exercising, lay around and surrender. But what if you're not ready for the pasture? What if you still would like to feel vibrant and sexy even if you're middle aged? It's possible.


For me, it's not about looking good for a man. It's about feeling good for myself. It's about not letting the affects of perimenopause stop me in my tracks.


So, these are the five things that I intend to focus on. I'm no doctor, but I believe they will be good for me and help me to feel as healthy, and as sexy, as I can:


1. Exercise - I've always exercised, but recently I've stopped because I've been wallowing in self pity. Why exercise when you're putting on weight faster than you can take it off? (That middle aged spread really comes into play during the stages of perimenopause, at least for me. ) But, I've decided to snap out of it and get back to the gym. I know that when I get there, and get back into moving my body, my body will feel better. Will I ever be a size 5 again? Probably not, but I'm 44 not 24.

2. Reduce the caffeine - Because I'm a writer, this one will be hard for me. "She died from a lack of sleep and too much coffee." I can see that on my tombstone. But hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause are aggravated by caffeine, so it's best, at least for me, to reduce it or avoid it. When I drink coffee, I'm much more likely to get hot flashes.

3. Put soy in my cereal instead of cow's milk - Recently I've returned to cow's milk. I'm not sure why. I always drank soy before and now I'm going to return to it. Soy is good for women experiencing perimenopause because soy is a plant-based estrogen.

4. Drink lots of water - When I drink water, I feel better. It doesn't matter what age I am. I've always felt better when I drink water. I find the best thing for me to do is to keep bottles of water with me. That way I'm more likely to reach for it. (Maybe it's something about the bottle.) Water flushes me out and keeps me feeling hydrated and fresh.

5. Bring on the fruits and vegetables - As with water, I always feel better when I eat a piece of fruit or a green leafy salad.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.
(Music for 4/1/2007 blogging - Fiona Apple.)

Beauty Knows No Pain

Beauty Knows No Pain
Inside Jolie's Head - 3/25/07

When I was in college, there was a southern belle who lived on the same floor of my dorm as me. She would never be caught dead in sweats, sneaks and bare faced. Instead her make-up was perfectly applied, her nails beautifully manicured, her clothes were fashionable and she wore heels. All of which takes time. I asked her why she bothered when all we were doing was going to class. She replied, "My mother always told me - beauty knows no pain."

Such a statement would rack the nerves of every feminist alive. Yet even though I'm a feminist (at least most of the time) I've never forgotten what she said.

Last night my husband and I met two other couples for dinner and dancing. My dancing shoes were four inch stilettos - and they were the talk of the evening.

Could I have worn some flats or some comfortable two inch pumps? Yes. But they wouldn't have looked as good. Or more important - as sexy.

Sexy, for a woman, is rarely comfortable.

We can complain about nail polish and eye-makeup and tight clothes and high heels - or we can shut up and participate.

I've heard women say, "I'm not a girly girl." But would they enjoy being a "girly girl" if they lost ten pounds or put on something they've always wanted to but never had the nerve - like thong underwear?

Girly girls get attention, and there's nothing wrong with that.


Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and lesbian erotic romance...and a girly girl.
(Music for 3/25/07 blogging - Amy Winehouse.)