Sunday, May 6, 2007

Bisexual Married Women

Bisexual Married Women
Inside Jolie's Head - 5/6/2007

Most of this article is a reprint from my article "Bisexuality in Marriage" at Logical Lust. The article was written in 2003. I've changed a few things . (Except for my husband's name, all other names have been changed.)

I'm a bisexual woman, and I've been conscious of this fact for the last 25 of my 44 years. Twenty six years ago, as a freshman, I entered an all girls college. I thought I was straight. But attending this college, I believe, brought out my true sexuality.

Fall, 1981. I was at college, in the dormitory, in one of the elevators. Pat walked in. Except for the mounds on her chest, she could pass for a man. I was terrified and rushed out of the elevator as fast as I could. Two years later, I sent her a love letter. Terror had turned to lust. She exemplified my definition, at the time, of a lesbian, and as a young, burgeoning bisexual woman, I had to have her. It didn't matter that she had a girlfriend. But Pat was a loyal lover, so she acknowledged my long letter with a long letter of her own, gently telling me that she was unavailable and that she planned to stay that way.

My College, I found, was full of women who liked women. It didn't mean we slept with each other, although some, like Pat, did. It meant that we were deeply into each other. When financial difficulties forced the college to begin to accept men, we women protested. We were very comfortable without them.

The entire time I was attracted to Pat ( now a writer for a gay magazine in Chicago, or at least I had heard ) I had a boyfriend, Rob, who's now my husband.

Many have asked how I can be attracted to women while having a man in my life. Well, that's easy - I'm not straight; I'm not gay; I'm bisexual. As Kathy Labriola says in her online article "What is Bisexuality? Who is Bisexual?":

Many people are 100% gay or lesbian, and are drawn sexually and emotionally only to partners of the same sex. Others are completely heterosexual, bonding in sexual and intimate relationships only with people of another sex. But what about everybody else? A significant percentage of people do not fit neatly into either of these categories, because they experience sexual and emotional attractions and feelings for people of different genders at some point during their lives. For lack of a better term, they are called bisexuals, although many people prefer to call themselves "pansexual," "non-preferential," "sexually fluid," "ambisexual," or "omni-sexual."

I've met bisexual women who have husbands or boyfriends and female lovers. I've met bisexual women who have husbands or boyfriends, but do not have female lovers. I've met bisexual women who are celibate. I've met bisexual women who have female lovers, but do not have husbands or boyfriends. We are varied and we are everywhere.

Soon after I graduated from college, after my failed attempt with Pat, I was dying to have a relationship with a woman, dying. I got myself a copy of the Chicago Reader and found an advertisement for Action Bi Women, a now defunct bisexual women's support group in Chicago. Bingo! Call it whatever you want, I was getting laid. It didn't take me long to meet Cindy. I was a bisexual woman with a boyfriend. She was a married bisexual woman. Our men were in support of our dating. It was perfect.

We were sitting on her couch, and since I had never been with a woman, I was scared to death. Who would make the first move? Certainly not me. And then out of the blue, she kissed me. The first kiss I have ever received from a woman. I can't count how many women I've kissed since then, but I will never forget that first kiss. It was heaven. During some heavy necking, her husband walked in - so we never made it to home plate. I wanted to see her again, and I wanted a relationship - she didn't.

Soon after I was unceremoniously dumped by Cindy, I put on a sexy outfit and marched off to one of the lesbian bars in Chicago that's no longer open, Aukie and Ck's. I was scared, but I tried not to show it. I played a few games of pool with some butches and then Melanie appeared, also butch. She turned me on (most butch women did at that time) and she was full of stories, all true. Like the time she was thrown out of the army for being gay. She was a lesbian, but I didn't care. That week we got a cheap motel room and spent hours in bed. The very first time I was ever fucked by a girl. You couldn't get me into that cheap motel today, but spending time in that dump with Melanie I will never forget.

But there was a problem, something that I knew would present itself at some point, Melanie could not deal with the fact that I had a boyfriend. So, now it was my turn to dump. Later, I dumped women because I found it difficult to give my heart to someone other than my husband. Much later, when I became a writer, I dumped women because of lack of time. Today, I've reconnected with a woman from seven years ago. We're friends again and that friendship is strong based on what we went through in our past together.

My husband has always been supportive of who I am. Is he unusual? Not really. Every bisexual woman that I became involved with had a boyfriend or a husband that was supportive. Sometimes the men were involved, like the occasional three-way, but that didn't happen very often. Other times I never met the men.

The reality is - married bisexual women, and bisexual women with boyfriends, are all over the place.


On Sunday, May 20, I will post the thoughts and experiences of other bisexual married women I've contacted. I will also post any support groups that I'm aware of. If you are a married, bisexual woman, I hope that you will visit this site to read their words. We are not alone.

Jolie du Pre is an author of lesbian erotica and erotic romance.
Music for 5/6/2007 blogging - Jonathan Chambers

Labels: , , ,


At May 6, 2007 4:22 PM , Blogger Alessia Brio said...

We are definitely NOT alone.

At May 6, 2007 5:48 PM , Blogger Jolie said...

Hi Alessia,

This is too weird, because as I was posting this article I thought about the bisexual married women that I know, and you came to mind. LOL Thanks for dropping by!


At May 7, 2007 6:12 PM , Blogger Lara Z said...

Thank God to hear from another sane voice! Another married bisexual woman here. Husband gets it. So much of the rest of the world does not.

At May 7, 2007 6:49 PM , Blogger Jolie said...

Hi Lara,

If you think outside the box, some people can't handle that.

As long as hubby gets it, that's half the battle!

Thanks for stopping by!



Post a Comment


Create a Link

<< Home