Sex and Commitments

Marriage is a commitment and anyone who sticks to their commitment should be commended. But there are many who forget that just staying in the relationship because you have a commitment isn't necessarily healthy. When certain aspects slide, it doesn't matter how committed you are - the relationship can be over without either party actually physically leaving. One of those aspects is sex.

Yes, I said sex. I know that there are other important facets of a relationship but without sex, the other facets will slide as well. Without sex, intimacy drops. When intimacy declines you lose that special feeling of closeness. Then you grow apart and start doing your own thing more often than you do things together. You start sharing more with your girlfriends than you do with your partner. Then you might start to wonder why he doesn't talk to you anymore. And he wonders ... well, I'm not really sure what he wonders but I'm sure he does.

So, yes, sex is a very important factor.

Women should never feel responsible for their mate's sexual satisfaction, nor should a man feel responsible for his wife's. But each should feel responsible for the maintenance of their relationship. The have duty to each other to keep the intimacy alive. When you start letting it slip, it just gets easier in easier and pretty soon, it's gone.

It's like I told my daughter, if you come in 10 minutes late for curfew one night, it's so much easier to come in 15 minutes late next week. And then it's half an hour and and two hours and before you know it, you're staying out all night long. And ya, there are consequences, but you learn to live with them and you move on. The first time you tell your mate, "Not tonight - I'm just not in the mood," it's kinda hard because you don't want to her their feelings. But then a couple nights later, you say it again. And again and again. And pretty soon, months have gone by and it's easier to say the words than it is to make an effort and make love to your partner.

What can you do about it? Well, first you both need to agree that you need to stop the I'm-not-in-the-mood cycle. Talk about why you use those words, how you feel when the other says them, and why you want to break the cycle. Then make a date.

Find a time when the kids can be away for the night. Set the mood. Spend an afternoon enjoying each other's company, holding hands, and laughing. Laughter is a great aphrodisiac. Then go home and get down to business. You might not feel "it" at first, but you will. Tell each other what's working. Don't get all serious. Try to keep it light. But the main thing is to get naked and intimate.

Keep this up at least once a week. You might feel like it is kind of forced at first but soon you'll get into it. And the more sex you have, the more you want it so keep at it. Practice makes perfect.