Sunday, September 23, 2007



TRUE EROTIC TALES are non-fictional erotic essays written by authors of today.

Are you a Top, a Bottom or a Switch?

Top, Bottom, Switch - Definitions

Author K.M. Frontain
K.M. Frontain's
Home Page

Top, bottom, or switch? When I write, I'm a switch. I am any of the characters in the novel, including the evil ones, the ones that don't take no for an answer, the ones a reader might want to chuck in a dungeon and never let out.

I'm also the nice characters, the ones who get bitten for being too gullible, that could do with pinching, who should know better than to trustingly stick their arms out while someone is holding a rope. I'm the braver characters as well, the ones that put their arms out on purpose just to see what it's like, who will kick ass later if they don't enjoy what happens next.

And I'm the characters that beg to be tied, who want a lesson to make them feel alive, who need someone else to take the burden of control.

In reality, I'm a top. Perhaps I am every character during the moment of story creation, but beyond the fourth wall, I exist to make them live through hard lessons, to feel alive, and to remove from them the burden of control. I'll whip a dominating character as quickly as a submissive one. I give them all hell.

In reality, I'm a "secret" top because I try not to give hell to anybody, though sometimes I do anyhow. I'll make up for it after, just like I do in my stories. The nice guys win. I'm a secret top who likes a happy ending.

But if you really can't be happy without some rope, chains and leather, do kneel and hold out your arms.

Author Gwen Masters
Gwen Master's

From the moment my first lover ordered me to hold onto the headboard so he could tie me up, I reveled in the joy of submission. From that point on, I loved dominant men. I sought them out like a moth seeking a light. I craved giving myself over, offering everything, pushing all my boundaries, all for a man's pleasure.

I was certain I was a Bottom -- until the night a lover asked me to turn the tables. When that moment came, I wasn't sure what to do. I was entirely out of my element, uncomfortable with the very thought. It was the biggest boundary of all, but no safe word would make this one go away. The emotional quagmire he put me in was scary as hell, and I resented him so much, I was afraid it would destroy our relationship.

After much thought and discussion, I decided to give it a try. It took a great deal of time and encouragement for me to move forward into being the dominant force, but once I was there, it was like fitting a key into a lock. It was the door to a whole new world, a realm of sexuality I had seen only from a distance, a place I had never imagined for myself. The rush was beyond anything I had ever felt.

When that night was over, I was completely confused. I still loved being a Bottom but I loved being a Top -- oh, Lord, did I love it just as much? Talk about an emotional tailspin!

Over time I found a good balance, and now can move smoothly from domination to submission and back again. I can find that mental niche and slip into it as though I was always meant to be a Top -- or a Bottom. Now I'm comfortable with my role as a true Switch. I love the power play of both sides, the carefully orchestrated dance that brings pleasure to not only the body, but to the mind and soul.

Author Liam Moran
Liam Moran's

When I first came out, I always had to be on top. It seems so alien to me now to reach back to that mind-set, so arbitrarily narrow. Fortunately for me, it was just a growth stage-I am certain now it was my own homophobia that insisted I be "the man" in bed. After all, I'd been "the man" in my marriage-bed, and with a number of women lovers before I'd finally married.

Maybe it was memories of college-days experimentation that could only be classified as being raped. Maybe it was just societal brainwashing. I don't know about others, but I know it was fear that dictated I be on top-fear that I would somehow become less than, if I gave up my body and let a man fuck me. In fact, the fiercer the bed-tussle to end up on top, the more satisfying the sex was to me. I say sex, because at that point I wasn't ready for love in my new life. Not really. I didn't yet understand how exquisitely beautiful give and take could actually be between two men.

One night, with a stranger, there was no bed-tussle. In fact there was no contest at all. The atmosphere between the two of us was quiet, gentle, whole. Somehow-I couldn't even tell you exactly how-it became absolutely clear that I was going to let him inside my body. He was huge. He was gentle. He opened me to an entirely new dimension of intimacy, and showed me the ecstasy that was possible in that new dimension. He changed me, and I'll be forever grateful to him for changing me.

Now, when a man enters me I feel a profound wave of completion that comes no other way. I love being a bottom. I love the crush of a man's weight against me as he takes possession of my body. Sometimes when I come with him inside me, I feel my body split open from throat to dan tien, and my soul explodes into stars before returning to my flesh-fuller, richer, stronger, wiser. There is absolutely nothing that compares.

Does that make me a bottom? Although that's my strong preference, it's not an exclusive one. I would never want to lose the ecstasy of being a top, either. Holding the trust of another man as I prepare him, enter him, take him, feel his legs wrap tight around me, feel his body welcome me in, enfolding me in his heat-why would I not want that, too? A man's eyes change when he is entered. I love that look.

So what does that make me? Depending on the situation, top? Yes. Bottom? Yes. Switch? Yes. I'm just a man who loves men, loves men's bodies, loves their beauty, and taste, and smell and feel.

Author Hazel Mills
Hazel Mills'

The determination of whether I am top, bottom or switch is not hard at all. Although for some, always assuming either the dominant or submissive role is preferred, sex is much more interesting as a switch. Switch allows each partner to have the freedom of choice. Choices that will allow my lover and I to be different things to each other based on our needs and desires. It is sex without boundaries or limitations. It also re-enforces a balance of power.

There are days when I want my man to be the one in charge sexually. The whole Tarzan and Jane scenario can be a beautiful thing. There is something definitely exciting and orgasmic about being submissive and bending, literally and figuratively, to his will. When I want him to make love to me, it is always with the acceptance of his dominant role.

Aphrodite, Queen of the Nightie also rules in the bedroom or in whatever room of the house she chooses. To have my man submit to my will and to know that his manhood is not threatened by my dominance provides a high that is unmatched by any drug.

Do we always adventure into lovemaking knowing who will be top or bottom? No, not always. Most times, we don't choose at all. We simply allow nature to take its course. We rule our universe together.

Giving and receiving is, I believe, the basis of any successful and truly fulfilling intimate relationship.

Author Jodi Payne
Jodi Payne's

I'm a switch, and I couldn't imagine being any other way. I like variety, I like spontaneity. I like having fun while I'm having my needs met, whatever they may be on a given day.

Why? That's a difficult question to answer succinctly. In no particular order, I'm an author, a mother, a partner, a daughter. I'm a lesbian and an activist. I'm a full time professional in a corporate setting. I'm a friend, a Leo and an abuse survivor. I think I've got a lot of dimensions to my personality and in order to keep all the hats I wear happy, things need to be changed up emotionally, and in the bedroom now and then.

Sometimes I'm in a strong mood and I want to take control. Expressing that during sex ranges for me from just being an aggressive lover to actually being demanding and "Toppy", physically and verbally. On the other hand, occasionally I want to be taken care of. I want to be romanced and seduced, I want to hand over the control to my partner. Again, that ranges for me from just being more passive, to accepting demands, to physically being restrained in some way.

I'm fortunate enough to have a partner that feels the same way I do. I've always enjoyed a wide and varied sex life. We have toys and props, which sometimes get use, and sometimes not. I enjoy everything from romance to role play, and why not? I have twice the fun, I'm never expected to be one kind of lover or another with my partner, and I'm never sure quite what to expect from her. We've been in a committed relationship for seven years and we're both very satisfied-on many levels.

Author Bobby Michaels
Bobby Michaels'

At the bottom of my e-mails, even below the listings of my books and my website, is a statement by a French philosopher who I long ago forgot his name. The statement he made, however, I could never forget:

"The most exquisite pleasure is giving pleasure to others."

This is not just my "e-mail signature", it is the motto of my life. I love giving pleasure to others, through my writings, through other artistic expressions, through helping others who need it. But beyond all this, is the sexual pleasure I reserve only for other males.

The term "cocksucker" is used as a pejorative. I stand proudly and tell you that not only am I a cocksucker, I'm the best fucking cocksucker you've ever met! More, I'm the best damned rim artist (if you male and don't know what rimming is, you're probably straight and I feel sorry for you.) around. After all, I'm not known as RimPig (another of my author names) for nothing.

I have nothing against guys who are Tops. Are you kidding? I LOVE guys who are Tops. Because I pair up very nicely with them. We know how to treat each other, we know what to expect, mostly, from each other, and I know there is not a Top on earth who plays with other guys that I can't make feel good.

Nor do I have anything against mostly straight guys who want to take a little "walk on the wild side" and see how good a cocksucker I am and learn what rimming is and why he will love it. A male is a male, no matter what he calls himself (or doesn't). I love to give males pleasure. Period.

You see, I've spent a lot of years (no, I won't tell you how many!) honing my "craft" and learning how to make a man feel good. That makes me feel good. It also, oftentimes, makes him grateful enough to make sure that I get pleasure for my efforts as well.

There are those who feel that being a bottom is giving up my "male power". Oh really? When some guy has his most precious appendage in my mouth with all those sharp teeth and I'm deciding how fast or slow to get him off, who the fuck do you think has the power?

And I haven't even talked about how I love the feel of a Top's cock sliding deep inside me. That may seem like I'm giving up "power", too. But stop and think, without my willing ass, he'd be jacking off.

Author Kelly M. Marshall
Kelly M. Marshall's

I discovered my dominant side first. In high school, I would pounce and tackle boys to the ground or bed and gain the upper hand before they had a chance to think. Most of the guys I dated really liked this aspect of our interactions, and didn't question my motives for making the first move. Tying them up and ordering them around really gave them a thrill, and I felt safe. I realized later that it was an act of self-protection. By dominating the boy, I could decide who touched whom and where, and how. It was this way that I earned the reputation of a promiscuous cock-tease; the girl who would fuck with your brains but wouldn't let you fuck her. It wasn't until halfway through high school that I realized I was a lesbian.

When I dated my first girl halfway through high school, my emotional armor loosened a little. Sex started to feel like a mutual sharing,instead of a dance of expectations and deflections. I was still the aggressor, but in a sideways, insinuating way. Dominating women gave me a window of pleasure, but still let me have that safety net of control. Often, I staged scenes where I was the submissive, but still orchestrating the minutiae of the scene. Looking back, I must have been such a pain in the ass to top!

I remember one occasion where I handed my girlfriend a blindfold and asked her to put it on me, then I lay on the floor and held onto the futon frame, as if bracing myself for an unknown impact. My rules to myself were that I wasn't allowed to remove my hands from the futon frame or take off the blindfold, and I would let my girlfriend do whatever she liked to me. It was excruciating, lying still and waiting for her touch. I experienced my first hint of subspace as she teased me and responded to my verbal prompts with gentle cajoling. These moments were few and far between as I grew into a young adult and took more lovers.

It wasn't until my most recent relationship that I fully realized my identity as a switch. It's strange, because it was a foray into the unknown from the get-go: it was my first concrete experience with polyamorous relationships. Already I was out of my depth, and forced to live in the moment. She was a switch like me. One day, she turned to me and said, "Sometimes I just want to let this fierceness out, to beat you when we fuck. You never let me." I looked at her, astounded. And then I replied, "I would let you."

We started negotiating the scene with some trepidation. We set limits, and a safe word, and started to play. I was wholly unprepared for this ecstatic sense of surrender that enveloped me when I followed her orders and let her spank me. It was a high that rivaled the rush of domination, yet was an entirely different sensation. I loved it.

I think this was the key to owning my submissiveness: I had to learn to trust my lover with this vulnerability. So I did, and was finally able to reap the amazing rewards.

Author Angela Cameron
Angela Cameron's

I am thoroughly a novice in the ways of The Scene. I only know the basic terms, but I feel a fondness for those who claim the lifestyle freely. Does this qualify someone to claim the title of top, bottom or switch? I believe so. And, since it does, I must claim the title of switch.

I am from the Bible Belt, raised in a strictly Christian home, and I grew up thinking sex was bad. In fact, I spent much of my adult life up to the age of about twenty-eight it in some way or another. Then, in a drive toward self-exploration, I discovered that I love being a bottom. Being held down, tied, and to even experience a little rough treatment on occasion sparks passions in me that I didn't realize existed a few short years ago. On the occasion that my husband pulls my hair or bites me, it is an extra special treat. These little acts make me feel safe, sexy, feminine, loved, and desired. I don't exactly know why or how it does, but it does.

My husband, being the alpha male that he is, makes a wonderful counterpart for this fetish of mine. However, being a bossy, stubborn, and sadistic woman at times, I also take particular pleasure in matching or dominating him. Even when we play wrestle, he gets me into some painful contortion, but I tearfully continue to refuse surrender. This side of my personality could never let anyone win, especially a man. Of course, I fantasize about doing more, and I'd love to slap him in the face. Maybe that's a bit of marital frustration talking, I don't know.

Either way, this part of my personality scares me. I fear - no I know - that if I start indulging in this part of me, the part of me that likes to hurt people, it will be very hard to stop. Besides, I don't think he'd enjoy any real degree of pain. So, for now, this particular door is one that is better left closed in my life.

Some might ask why these seemingly opposite behaviors heat me up so. I can't honestly say that I know. As former psych student, I must consider the fact that I come from a very abusive childhood. That simple fact adds a multitude of possible dimensions. However, it also puts very strong limits on what is okay for me in these same areas. For example, I endured so many beatings until age of sixteen that the idea of belts or being whipped terrifies me. As an adult, the crack of a belt makes me nauseous and tearful. On the other side, the idea of beating someone to any degree has a strange appeal to it. For me, I don't think that even Freud can give exact reasons why being a switch is so perfect for me. It simply is, like yin and yang.

Author Secondhand Rose
Secondhand Rose's

I'm not really into labels -- I can admit to their purpose, especially when searching for a story, some information or even someone -- but I tend to think more in roles. And roles are flexible, situational, can be changed.

Just as a one-dimensional character is a rather boring read, so a labeled person makes for a very boring lay. What makes humans so sexy is the complexity involved.

You have in this one man a powerful elected official who enjoys being bound, gagged and whipped, then takes it up the ass from his wife's strap on. The wife, who feels invisible in most of her life, save for her politically correct public appearances, loves making him grovel and beg to service her -- before she'll even consider giving him what he really wants. While these things are very common, they are also relatively predictable in a role reversal fashion. One's stress is relieved by this sort of power play; it's a form of balance.

For those who feel more in control of their lives, or at least more balance, power play is more about play. The roles change based on mood or the mood of their partners. Other times, balance is only felt when one gets what one needs, be it tied to sensory issues or images and needs instilled early in their lives. Who can tell?

And isn't the discovery of just what a person craves, and perhaps understanding why, most delicious? It feels like falling in love. Again and again.

Which is why I consider myself a Switchy Woman.

I don't just conform to needs, be they mine or those of another, but rather find playing the entire spectrum to be one way to keep the joy of discovery.

Author Bethan Alyson

Which way up is best? The view from the top is a good one, commanding, comprehensive, and generally, worth the effort. I mean, tops know that looking down you get the whole landscape, the panoramic perspective. What can I see from here, looking down? I see the planes and angles of a body cast partly into relief by a shaded lamp, the closed eyes, flesh waiting to be touched, tasted, impressed by my fingers.

Once, in a pub, I craned my head around to catch sight of the 'S&M dykes' my friend pointed out. I was curious, not shocked. Hungry. I had never tasted anything other than vanilla at that point. Years of experimentation and reading taught me some key issues. Tops like to be in control, to be the doers. Supposedly. Bottoms like to be dominated. Done to. The view from the bottom is limited, blinkered, constricted. It is a submission, asking the dominatrix to do the seeing and the thinking and the watching, while the submissive learns to relinquish.

Trouble is, I like both. I have read that a good top has to have once experienced life as a bottom. And that no one should take what they can't dish out. Therefore, it appears to me, that every top has to have some idea of the view from below, of the fear of the blindfolded caning, the swish, thud, burn of each stroke. In order to know how to time it, how to measure tolerance, pain threshold, which gasp precedes the safe word, and how to avoid it.

Experience is everything, so I would say that every good bottom also knows the effort and energy of the top, the timing and aching muscles and the intense arousal of watching the bottom's responses. The flushing of the skin.

There are times I need pain to climax, need an intensity in my own flesh. Times I want to relinquish my rigidly held control to another, in the purest and deepest trust, to be taken and driven and pushed and even punished. I want her to do me. There are others when I need to see her face as it twists in pain and pleasure. I want to watch her body writhe, her eyes dilate, and her breath quicken. I want to make her gasp. I want to know she is on the edge, right on the edge, and the next stroke, the next few seconds of restraint, the next touch of my hand, will carry her over, right over, plummeting to the deepest parts of herself. I want to be the one to have done that to her. For me, for the most part, that is enough.

When I want it back, and she can't give it, then the compensation is that the vanilla is the best kind, fresh and yet practised at the same time, skilled. If I ask, she will switch with me, but when it comes down to it, I'm still in control. As long as we're both saying yes, the view from the top is just fine.

Author Eve Cain
First published Story in
Beyond Desire

Fairytales are riddled with imagery of bondage and domination. A princess locked in a tower, a prince chained to a dungeon wall, a maiden bound wrist and ankle and slung over her captor's shoulder, a knight beaten and bloodied as he fights to free his love. Every story is a battle to win a life fulfilled by the soul's desire, where defeat would be utter devastation and where victory is always a hard-won prize attained through submission and sacrifice.

Was it the all-encompassing passion of these childhood fables that enchanted my soul? Was it a belief that grew from the idea that ecstasy of the heart could only be attained if you gave up everything? Everything but the knowledge that there was no hardship you could not endure because in the end love would always triumph, would always be waiting to soothe and protect and keep you safe forevermore. Such stories have always enthralled my imagination.

Perhaps this is the wellspring that fed my erotic desires. When I submit I am profoundly suffused with the quiet bliss I have always known when I close my eyes to dream of the passion or adventure of my favorite lifelong tales. When I am bound I am a maiden, coveted and captured. When I am tortured I am challenged to surrender my fears and trust in love. When I at long-last find my release it is always a hard-won prize. And when I feel my restraints loosened and my ordeal subsiding, when harsh touches have once again turned soothing and aggressive voices give way to lulling tones, when I open my eyes to the caring and concerned gaze of my lover...The end of a beautiful scene will always find me floating in an enchanting world of happily ever after.

So why am I a bottom, what exactly feeds my passion? I may never truly know. However it is beyond doubt that such submission lies at the very heart of my soul's desire. Thus I will present myself vulnerable and exposed and yet strong and determined over-and-again, for to know such fulfillment in this life is reason enough for me.

Author Jolene Hui
Jolene Hui's

I never really thought about how exactly I have sex until I started spending a large amount of my time writing erotica. Or maybe I mean how I prefer to have sex. Whatever way I mean it or however you look at it, I never looked at sex like I do now. I have the ability now to know exactly what I want how I want it and when I want control and when I don't want it. Writing about sex has put me in control of my pleasure.

When it comes to being a top, bottom, or switch, there is no question about it: I am most definitely a switch with the ability to take control as a top or relinquish control as a bottom. However, I find that I lean toward the bottom side of the spectrum. Giving over that control is one of the most exhilarating things I've ever done in my life. I love the feeling of being with someone who knows how to please me or wants to learn exactly how to please me. There's nothing sexier than a person who gets off while getting me off. Don't get me wrong, though, I also have fun taking over the situation when necessary.

Each sexual situation is different and each partner is different. It's funny that some people like to say that sex is just sex, but sex is never just sex. Sex is different with each partner and even with each partner sex can be different every time. That's what's so fun about being a switch, being able to adapt to each individual situation.

I find that I am open to all sorts of people and preferences so this gives me lots of chances to play. Sometimes it's fun to takeover the top with partners who want you to do so, but I find that more often I am with a partner who wants to be the top. I've thought about this quite a bit and I think that I find it so exciting to be a bottom because I am such an aggressive person in everyday life. I am one of the most assertive people I know and to be able to let that go in the bedroom is freeing to me. It's kind of nice and refreshing to be the bottom. An utterance of "Oh no, Jolene, let me do that for you," or even a "sit the fuck still while I tie your wrists down," will, most likely, get me going.

I think I should also specify that when I look at it, tops and bottoms are not necessarily fully dominant and fully submissive. There aren't rules that each person has to follow. I'm all about blurring the boundaries and tailoring to each person. It's all about playing. And who doesn't like playtime?

Author Jolie du Pre
Jolie du Pre's

When I'm with a bi-curious female I'm a teacher, which translates to a Top. That's what she expects. There have been exceptions, like the time a young, cute, African American femme, with big, natural boobs and an infectious sense of humor initiated contact by slowing kissing my neck. "I don't know what I'm doing," she whispered. "You're doing just fine," I whispered back. Later, as I trailed my lips down her naked body, she demanded to top and she wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Her curiosity was similar to mine during my first girl on girl experience. I was so nervous my knees were shaking, but once I gained confidence the knees stop shaking and I wanted to top, eager to do all the things I had dreamed of doing to a woman.

I'm a strong, confident woman, and some women want me to top because of my personality. I was in a threesome with such a woman. She responded to me like a newbie, even though she had been with plenty of women before me. As I topped her I made her squirt, which made me want to strut like a rooster. It was interesting to watch her transform from a Bottom to a Top when she got with her husband. Yet, it was a reaction to what he demanded for the scene, not her true nature.

I've been a Bottom with almost every man except my husband. And even then, I'm only a Top when my husband asks me to be or if I'm really in that mood. I'm not comfortable topping a man. I need him to be in control. But, like always in my life, there have been exceptions. I was with this tall, muscular African American male who stuttered when he spoke. In my mind, my alphas don't have speech impediments. So I topped him, with his big, stiff cock in my mouth, for twenty minutes, because I wanted it, not because he told me what to do. (He didn't complain.)

I'm a Bottom with any lesbian who identifies as butch. When I'm with a butch, just like when I'm with a man, I want her to be in control. This has never been a problem. The butch women I've dated not only wanted to top me, they wanted to hold doors open for me, buy me things, beat up guys who flirted with me, and marry me. (If they could.) But I also date femmes and when I do they are the type that are just as assertive as I am. Therefore, we switch. I'll top a femme and then she'll top me.

So if you insist on a label for me, type Bisexual, Polyamorous, Switch with your label maker, and use the pretty pink tape that I like.

Graphic -
Glitter Graphics

Be on the look out for Series 2 of TRUE EROTIC TALES, where authors offer new essays to a new question.

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At September 28, 2007 10:16 AM , Blogger Secondhand Rose said...

Fascinating to read, and thanks for including me :)

At September 28, 2007 11:56 AM , Blogger kmfrontain said...

This was a really fun and interesting post to read. Thanks for posting it.

At September 28, 2007 1:32 PM , Blogger Jolie said...

The essays were a joy to read! Thanks for your contributions!


At September 30, 2007 11:06 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

All of the essays were thrilling to read. After reading the Essay posted by Hazel Mills, I am now calling myself "Aphrodite, Queen of the Nightie".

At September 30, 2007 2:22 PM , Anonymous Liam_Moran said...

Once again, the incredible range of human sexuality gets some respectful, playful airtime! Thanks, Jolie, for your initiative. I love the beauty of honesty.

Liam Moran

At October 1, 2007 3:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I really enjoyed your essay Hazel Mills. You broke it down and got right to the point Top, Bottom, Switch we have enough labels in life, mommy, doctor, chef.When it is time to be with your honey JUST DO IT!!!



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